AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

I think once it is built to our plans he will calm down a bit. He is stressed and I guess doesn't know how to manage that stress and choosing to be a prick about it!

But this is literally the least stressful time. It will only get worse so I think that's why everyone is worried.

You are showing remarkable patience @WarmLimeLurker . I'm not sure how many times you have had to reiterate that you are local and had to move away due for education and work reasons. You are now in a position to return home, something which is clearly important. You have already had to compromise your plans more than once to accommodate objections and are finally able to proceed. Well done.
Yet, some of those who weren't happy are still complaining. What do they expect you to do? I expect some of them have lived in the area for years, bought when property was more affordable and would resent any changes. You have already compromised, want to get on with your new home, any more delays will cost financially etc.
While your husband's response may have been rude it was probably the straw that broke the camels back. The couple were equally rude. What gave them the right to challenge?
Just ignore the NIMBY brigade and build your new home.

Goodness but this thread has brought out all the angry NIMBYs. Some of the suggestions about paying for neighbours' laundry or alternative workspaces. MN madness. It sounds like a lot of people, OP's future neighbours included, are jealous about their perception of young upstarts from London. How dare anyone be successful in life, even if that has included inheritance (which inevitably means loss of loved ones)?

Having lived in a house while it was completely restored around us, including two young kids, me fully WFH, and took much longer than if we had just moved out, no way on earth should anyone sign up to live on site if they have the option not to. It makes everything so much slower. My neighbours had nothing but kind words and understanding for how long it took. No one complained to us, or on FB, about the noise. Every time I apologised for any disruption, they dismissed my concerns saying it wasn't that loud (while half the house was being demolished).

I am not surprised OP's husband is getting stressed and angry if they are being gossiped and whinged about all over social media when they have not broken any laws and have planning permission for everything they are doing. I agree that it might be better if OP is the one on site more regularly if she is less stressed. Not if that means rolling over and agreeing to whatever the neighbours demand though.

He’s an Architect and should be well used to confrontation
We deal with it daily
Maybe he should step back and let you run the show

All I can hear is Hugh Bonneville as Ian Fletcher
“So that’s all good then” 🤣

What I haven’t picked up OP, sorry if you’ve said and I’ve missed it, is why this particular plot? What made it perfect in every way except the actual building?

Oh dear, Op - this doesn’t sound great. Your husband combined with a build that is unpopular in the area… i think most things have been said, but one thing I would add is that architects are notoriously difficult for builders to work with as they have very clear ideas of what they want and often dont have the practical knowledge as to how things might be implemented or indeed how realistic their high ideas are, especially if their architectural practice is not residential. I say this as the daughter of a builder who worked with a lot of architects on their own homes. The other thing I would say is your husband might not just run out of builders if he continues behaving as he is - he might find that over the coming years one / some of them have left parting gifts… my dad is a very nice man - and to everyone not just his family or those he wants things from - but everyone has their limits and I recently learned about something he did when finishing up a job where the client refused to pay what was agreed - nothing dangerous, but unpleasant for the occupiers. Im not proud of it and in forty plus years of building he only did something like that once, but worth your being aware - your husband cannot treat people in the way it sounds like he does and expect no repercussions. I hope your husband gets some perspective and the build goes smoothly. I would agree with others who have suggested speaking to the neighbours and providing your number for any issues. I also wonder if you couldnt handle the building project instead of your husband? It might go more smoothly…

As he puts it 'its our family house I can do whatever i fucking like' when it is other people's work he is able to manage his stress but with ours from the looks of it no.
He is firing people left right centre, rehiring people its all a bit much and I am trying to be patient.

I'm Team Husband. I get that building work is stressful for people living close by, but it sounds like a detached project and it won't be forever. They don't have the right now to tell you to scale it back and they certainly are bang out of order to be slagging you off on community FB pages! Are the comments particularly rude?

Just ignore them. They’re only neighbours, you don’t have to be best pals. The beginning and end of the matter is that you’ve got planning permission and are entitled to proceed.

Is he firing people who live in the local community? if he is that's not going to help either.

Honestly, I think they were probably already a bit annoyed and I don't blame them but it sounds like a community and your husbands behaviour has probably just made everything worse, it'll spread around what he said.

I'd love to see the plans. Can you post them?

Just wait until one of your direct neighbours decides to do the same to their house or sells to someone who wants to demolish and build a modern monstrosity. Then it's you who will be suffering over a year of disruption and disturbance.

@WarmLimeLurker is being a bit weird now. There have been many questions about the build, which have been ignored. Such as what is house like before, what's being done, how long will it take, is house detached or what? All ignored.
But told us many times how rude and sweary her husband is.
What's going on OP? 😂

😳
Id say builders are notoriously difficult for Architects to deal with because they stick the drawings in their back pocket and carry on regardless.
Speaking As an Architect that is 😁

No no no! These people won't be the children's friends parents! Remember they're going to be at 'decent prep schools' away from the ghastly neighbours who don't understand archicture and clarrrsssss

Exactly what I was thinking! What are you actually having done and for how long?

Agree
And to reiterate
before and after street scene please
If the neighbours are really being unreasonable we’ll see it straight away

I must admit the DC’s Sunday school
attendance rang Church of England primary school bells for me but I did live in London for some years so I may hold some residual wankerage myself😂.

Not us but friends of ours had the same thing. Their finished home was beautiful, really in keeping with the arena. They invited all their new neighbours in for a welcome drink once they’d moved in and it all settled down. The neighbours moved on to the next issue - how to stop cyclists coming through the village.

Just crack on, as long as your respectful, let the dust settle and all will be forgotten.

I really don't see the point in this thread , op and her sweetheart of a man are going to do whatever they like anyway 🙄

Was it called Royston Vasey?

The neighbours moved on to the next issue - how to stop cyclists coming through the village.

How did that go?!
Do you mean, how to enforce cyclists riding safely through the village, or did they really want to stop them entirely?

Tbf to OP it doesnt sound like this place is far enough away from London to not be London adjacent vibes