AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

If they get over the house they wont get over the fact your husband is a prick

I lived in house that the neighbours all objected to - I didn’t build it, the previous owners did.

it was too big for the plot, and crammed so made everyone’s gardens seem smaller. It also made some gardens darker. So I can understand why they all objected. I met the builder/owner and he was an arse, which can’t have helped matters.

Your neighbors think you are a rude couple who are ruining their area by building a house that is too big for the site. They probably will never like you and I am sure your husbands behaviour has spread far and wide. I’m not sure why you keep telling us your parents lived close by etc etc - doesn’t make the house smaller or your husband a decent human being.

Incidentally, in my head this is all happening in the Farnham area.

🤣

I was thinking Woking.

You’ve every right to do this, but of course you won’t be popular with the neighbours.

Sounds like you should have bought a plot of land with no immediate neighbours. Your DH has a superiority complex. He’s an architect, he’s not saving humanity.

another vote for this is not going to end well.

Jeepers, I’m beginning to think the building works are not going to be your poor neighbours’ biggest problem.

It would be nice if the OP maybe considered the impact her building project is having jn neighbours who might need to work from home too. I’ve worked from home for the last 24 years and the room where I have always worked is on the other side of the party wall, with my neighbours’ demolition and construction taking place a couple of bricks’ thickness from where I sit. I have no option but to work where I do, but Ive now ensured nearly a year of complete disruption because of the entitled bastards who didn’t bother to buy a house thst was already the right size and layout for what they wanted. I have to catch up with work late at night bwcause I can’t hear myself think for most of the day.

So why are none of the existing houses in the area good enough for you anymore?

if you wanted to move back to your childhood location, why couldn't you acceot it as it is?

If you wanted to design your own monstrosity why couldn't you have done that in an area full of that type of housing?

why buy an existing house to destroy it & build an architectural monstrosity?

becsuse you want to 'go back' & show everyone how much better than them you think you've become. Own it.

how disrespectful to buy a decent house & destroy it, when another family's adult children could have bought in the area they grew up in & loved the house.

That sounds awful, I sympathise.

I think even if they renovated the existing house, there would still be noise and disruption.

Maybe the house is neglected and whoever buys it has to renovate it.

He has agreed with all my ideas

You're not that bothered or you wouldn't have agreed to do it

Someone needs to contact Grand Designs. It sounds like great telly. "Angry architect designs and builds monstrosity."

I certainly wouldn’t be hiring an architect who has a “fuck everyone else” attitude

So not only are you both damaging your personal relationships with your neighbours, there could be a risk of you damaging your professional reputation too.

Yes I get that people don’t need an architect everyday but it is a small world and your attitudes (particularly your DH) is not a good advertisement for your professional services

I guess you are right. I do not think that was our intention but I am not going to argue against it people interpret things differently

Oh god - he sounds like one of the school dads who was an insufferable arse with the contractors who did his house. He had a list of complaints about all of them as long as his arm and switched individual tradesmen all the time and ultimately spent a ludicrous amount more money than he needed and fell out with loads of neighbours. Another family at school where the dad can be a bit of an arse the mum just seems to have a policy that only she deals with contractors and, having hired same people, managed to get their whole much bigger renovation build done in less time & remain on good terms with the neighbours. I remember talking to her one day where the builder messed up the pipe placement for a radiator in the toilet so they had to put a kink in the pipe or they would have to take the floor up. She’d basically agreed they could leave it, negotiated them to do a couple of other little jobs for free and very clearly stated upfront if anything similar happened in the kitchen/diner then the floor would be coming back up. The insufferable arse with a similar relatively small issue in a utility space made them redo it, totally fell out with them by being so rude about it and had so many problems. It really can be true that you catch more flies with honey. With all that in mind what are the chances of you replacing your husband to liaise with contractors and neighbours?

I'm getting visions of some of the huge ugly monstrosities as seen on the Grand Designs TV program that have blighted the neighbourhood, are nothing but vanity projects of the owners/architects, aren't practical for normal living and will undoubtedly age very badly over time, not to mention have taken 2/3 years of causing massive inconvenience to neighbours when planned to only take 9 months!

I am not defending the neighbours, it sounds like you're in a very frustrating situation having followed the rules. I do empathise with the "people from London coming here and changing things" feeling though even though you're originally from the area. My home town is full of people who moved to London, made a load of money, came back and bought homes at prices that locals couldn't afford, paid lots of money to extend and adapt those homes and sometimes put them back on the market when they move somewhere even bigger and at a price that no one who's always lived in the area will ever afford. I've been gentrified out of my home town and a big chunk of that is people who started here, went to London, made a load of money and came back. That wasn't an option for me. We have had to move to a cheaper town in order to have a house that our family can fit in. We play for sports teams in the original home town, we go to church in the original home town, sing in choirs in the original home town. we have family in the original home town (who haven't moved since 1970s/80s but who also wouldn't be able to afford to buy in the original home town). And it's become the kind of place that features in the Guardian's lists of loveliest places to live. But it's galling and sad that we've been priced out of living here. The cheapest 3 bed home is DOUBLE the price in my hometown compared to the town I have to live in. It's the same age, same building stock. Gentrification is the thing that has made the difference. And that's why your neighbours are grumpy or bitter or jealous. Maybe their adult kid has no chance of living in their hometown because they didn't move to London and stayed in the area. I have never ever blocked or challenged anyone's proposed home changes though! That's mean spirited and is where the bitterness becomes too personal. I hate that the whole thing has happened, I don't hate individual people or families who move to the area.

I'd say to crack on with your plans and once you're moved in you kill it with kindness. You smile at the neighbours, drop off biscuits or flowers and card or note saying "thank you for your understanding" or "sorry for the inconvenience with the building work while we make our forever home, I'm really happy to bring my family back to my home town".

The fact that you have gone through the planning process and got approval for your design doesn't mean much. Unfortunately the current trent is to push plans through (thanks in no small part to labour party policy), and the views of neighbours rarely hold much sway, even if the vast majority are anti.

We have suffered exactly this. Next door, which was a detached house in the same style as every other property in the close was extended and the existing hanging pantiles and brick were rendered over and painted battleship grey. It's just awful, but it sailed through planning because there was nothing non compliant with regs. Sod the fact that it stands out like a sore thumb,looks terrible and has destroyed the balance of the area. The mystery is that by the time the new owners had bought the property and refurbished it they could have bought something at least as good without a years delay to move in for less overall cost.

In the case of the OP the alarm bells rang for me with the "we're going to knock it down and rebuild" line. I bet this is what will be pissing off the locals, rather than the disruption. What they are seeing is incomers (forget that you were brought up there, it's not relevant) changing the neighbourhood, and people don't like change. Is the current house so bad that demolition is the only option? I bet it isn't, and that's going to go down even worse. People are pushing back against not being listened to and I can't say I blame them.

If that is the impression I have given then fair enough

YABU for using that incredibly smug phrase 'forever home'. One day you will die and someone else will live in it. Or it might need to be sold for care home fees. Sorry to be a grump.

Any chance you could go on Grand Designs, OP? Your husband would be great viewing.

I know someone who did exactly what you're planning, they bought a perfectly serviceable big family house and knocked it down to build a new architecty place. Their neighbours were actually all for it, they were all older people and liked the idea of a family moving in, and they were open to the modern design. So sometimes it can work.

I’ve only read your posts this far
but I thought you said earlier you will be demolishing and building new

So are you demolishing it or are you keeping the old house and just extending or something.
As an Architect also we know that residents will complain but
I’m trying to see if there’s any reason for their annoyance

Is there any chance you could post a before and after street image as I assume that was on your planning app
The severity or not could effect how long this could last

Ahahaha

He would like that

I think you have had some harsh comments OP. We did a year long renovation, which must have been horrible for our neighbours whilst we rented nearby as obviously the house was uninhabitable.

What you haven’t mentioned is what the existing house like and why you are knocking it down. Is your new design in keeping with the others?

In our case we took a derelict boarded up house and restored it. Our immediate neighbour was frosty as we had to erect scaffolding in her garden. We paid the builders to fix her roof whilst it was up to make some way towards the inconvenience.

Your husband’s attitude stinks though. We went out of our way to be nice to the neighbours, invited the whole road for a BBQ when we moved in and get on brilliantly with them now.

@OnePinkHedgehog

don’t get us architects ranting about Kevin McCloud, the lighting designer, and his thoughts on good design
There’ll be a pile on 🤣🤣🤣
and I’ll have to have a lie down