AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

The only good neighbour is a dead one. Build next to a cemetery.

I genuinely can't see why anyone would care that you lived there as a child or that your parents bake cakes for council meetings or whatever.

We came up with the house ideas together, it includes both our ideas and I like that.
I do like that he is very creative and wants to get involved with the house so much but he is stressed.

It is hard because when it is nothing to do with the house he is a great person, great father but soon as its the house he gets too into it, I even think people who will be doing works on the house are scared of him and I told him that and he said (not word for word but ) but 'good then they will do as I fucking say or they are fired'

This build is going to take 10-10000 years with your husband managing it.

Maybe mentioning dh told the neighbours to fuck off in your op may have been helpful

It’s making me think of the Hauer-King house just round the corner from me. It’s considered an architectural masterpiece but never any lights on and windows are covered in algae. I’ll try to post a photo later. The more I hear of your husband it sounds like his way or the highway, I really do hope it will be the forever home of your dreams for the family and not a sad show of arrogance. Make sure it works for you and isn’t all about him! The firing of trades so soon in is a red flag for me.

This is not going to end well!

So do you get no say on hiring and firing?

Op your dh may be stressed but I would be very wary of having someone building my dream home if they think I'm an arsehole. Lord knows what they may do.

Remind your dh that honey catches more bees than vinegar.

Would love to see your (redacted) plans.

Too outing to share though I guess?

knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family

Are you knocking the existing house completely? Or adding some monstrous sized extension on the back? I can see why others on the street are hostile, if so.

"AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?"

YANBU @WarmLimeLurker

Obviously, they have to accept it, it's been approved but it really would behove your husband to be less aggressive.

Even if he would just consider that however stressed and focussed he is, your neighbours are also having to adjust and have their lives disrupted by your dreams.

This is going to be your forever home, your children are going to spend their formative years here, in what sounds like an idyllic setting therefore, in spite of his stress (which must be considerable) it would be worth him, at the very least, trying to swallow his overt hostility.

You both are building a dream home for your family but he should realise honey catches more flies than vinegar. 😉

Good luck, it sounds fabulous.🌻

Well good luck OP. I think you're going to need it for the duration of the building works. Just out of interest is your husband hiring and firing local workers?

OP I’m genuinely worried for you. I’m not sure these inheritances are going to make you happy.

If he is hiring local workers their dc could be in school with op's dc next year.

He comes across as morally bankrupt and egotistical with a superiority complex.

Yet again he is not a nice person, if he treats his family (who he sees as an extension of himself) well, but talks about other people in such a loathsome way. Its gross to hear quite frankly.

There is a large house being built just down the road from me and it has taken two years so far, and they are now near to finishing. Your husband is going to have to calm down if he wants to get this house built without pissing off too many contractors and ending up blacklisted by them!

Just googled. It must be a nightmare in a heatwave as it says it was built without AC.

Drama drama drama. Honestly it is not your neighbours’ business and they are very rude. Your husband has also been rude. I don’t think you need to worry about it as much as you are, and I’m sure the street will not be permanently defaced and ruined because of your rebuild.
It also does not sound like the neighbours are protesting about the building works, more the aesthetic or scope of the final project? And it sounds like you are both very well qualified to handle that correctly.
And what is this nonsense PPs are spouting about your marriage not surviving the project? You have been planning this for years and you are both on the same page. Maybe some posters are projecting their own gripes from their own experiences at you here.
I’m sure you will make the effort to be good neighbours and members of the community in years to come, and that everyone involved will learn how to be civil in the meantime.
Well done for going ahead and making the dream happen.

Hi op.

Congratulations on your new home! You sound very much like me in that I would care VERY much about what the neighbours think about me, whereas my oh wouldn’t give a toss! I get it, you don’t want to get off to a bad start with your neighbours, however in reality even if you never make amends, the worst that is likely to happen is that they snub you when they see you.

Obviously it’s nice to say a friendly hello to neighbours or they can take in a parcel for you etc. but it’s nothing so great that not having this decent relationship with them would likely have a significant detrimental impact on your lives. You hear of nightmare neighbour horror stories but they are very rare (the extreme ones!), and so I would just do my best to appease them where possible, be friendly and polite, if you see them apologise for any disruption and any feedback they give that is reasonable and that you can facilitate then do!

My husband is a builder in London doing extensions/ house refurbs, loft conversions and during initial discussions with new clients he also asks about relationships/ feuds with neighbours to gauge any potential issues related to this. He also goes and knocks on the immediate 2-4 neighbours houses, introduces himself and the company and explains the project (briefly), expected timescale, and any specific impacts it may have on them. This is always greatly received and neighbours then feel comfortable approaching him if they are unhappy with something I.e where subcontractors have parked etc. so he can resolve this quickly. He has actually also secured new projects this way inadvertently as they love the approach! So you could ask your builders to do something similar before the start date?

He is currently 11months into a huge project and I think the neighbours are reaching their limit (understandably) so they have a group chat with the client and immediate neighbours on some projects where they can keep them updated I.e scaffolding is being erected tomorrow kinda thing!

Good luck with it all! Hope you end up with your dream property AND neighbours you have a good relationships with 🙏 xx

Well doesn't he sound like a peach!

It’s not that the marriage may not survive the project, it’s because of the drip feed from OP where some unsavoury traits of her husband are coming to the surface which - if this bad now - could be horrendous during and after the build. OP has built up the picture herself.

So what bits of the build do they particularly object to? Did you take any of it on board in the design of the house?

to be honest, you failed to mention that your husband is a complete wanker

That's going to have some connection and it will really affect how you integrate in the area

We've got a nice family on my street nice in the sense that the mum and the kids seem to be very sweet

Unfortunately, the husband is a complete wanker

I have turned down an invitation for tea three times I was very polite and just said I couldn't make it

She looks straight through me now she's probably pissed off - but when one member of the family is really horrible, unfortunately it affects the whole lot. I saw upset workmen leave the job at their house!

I'm not thrilled with how he talks to me I think he just talks down to everybody though

Blimey. So he tells the neighbours to fuck off and fires people who tell him certain things can't be done.

If this is real I feel sorry for you. And even sorrier for your neighbours.

Having lived in a small village in the SE you don't have to be from London to be an arrogant London wanker. It's about making your money in the city then moving to the countryside and imposing your views on people who have lived there for generations, taking over Parish councils for example.

You seem to be of the impression that yours will be the only ‘forever’ home in the street. People will have also bought their forever homes too and are pissed off that A) your building work will impact on them for a considerable period of time. B) what you think might be a beautiful home might be ugly as sin and stick out like a sore thumb and ruin their view from their forever home. C) your husbands running about with an horrific attitude problem as though he’s the only main character in the vicinity.

is the house going to look spectacularly different from what it does now? What are you changing? How does then affect what your neighbours are looking out of the window on to? Are you changing the privacy in any way of your neighbours. Of course you have planning permission but that doesn’t mean what changes you’re making aren’t a dick move and impede on anyone else.