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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
SezFrankly · 30/06/2026 15:35

She clearly has nothing to occupy her mind 😂
Seems very complicated

I'll say leave the group/community too.

Keep a note of any parents you might want to stay in touch with before you do.

Secondary school is not like primary. Kids sort things themselves, because they're learning to be independent. Their friends groups will be different and may change too. They might get put in different sets for different subjects.

BeWittyRobin · 30/06/2026 15:36

WhatsApp groups in my opinion is just asking for drama. I wouldn’t join a whatapp group with parents unless we were actually friends ourselves and wouldn’t be for the kids haha. Honestly there is just no need especially at secondary school age. Personally I say run for the hills and don’t look back. Parent involvement in secondary school is minimal tbh, it’s quite a refreshing time 🤣 xx

igelkott2026 · 30/06/2026 15:39

Nowthatshuge · 30/06/2026 06:43

Crikey, if I was you I’d just make another group with everyone in casually and crack on as you were before
there’s no need to have form groups anyhow??

This! Just come out of the "official" group and delete it, and then have your own without Meddling Mum.

Lizchapman · 30/06/2026 15:42

When I was at secondary school ( ok it was a long time ago) my parents had absolutely no idea who the other students were far less their parents. It would never have occurred to them to interact with other parents 😂😂😂😂😂

ERthree · 30/06/2026 15:51

Bloody hell, these Whatsapp groups for everything are ridiculous and cause way too much drama. Too many parent's involved in each other's business, that is how trouble starts and falling's out happens.

Stoneangel · 30/06/2026 15:53

These silly groups are not official school comms and are just an excuse for people to act as little Hitler or to moan to other parents. Delete the groups and communicate either with 1 other parent you know well or contact the school directly

Sparklelife · 30/06/2026 15:54

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

Never had a Secondary WhatsApp group - there were FB groups for the new intake originally, but the use of those fizzled out pretty quickly. I'd hazard a guess that Q has no idea what the transition from Primary to Secondary is like - tbh, I'd want no part of groups like that and would be removing myself.......you'll get any/all info you need direct from school anyway!

Tryingtokeepgoing · 30/06/2026 15:56

I think I'd be temepted to leave a long voice note in every group I had access to, saying goodbye. As we know everyone loves a long voicenote 😂

Justusethebloodyphone · 30/06/2026 15:59

WhatsApp groups in secondary are ridiculous. Everyone needs to take a step back and let their children take the lead and learn some responsibility like they did pre social media.

If you have an issue, take it up with the school, No need to rant and rave and try and rally support.

Hankunamatata · 30/06/2026 16:03

I get the community and different form groups. Dont get why for seocndary. Fine she made herself admin. Very weird that she wont let anyone post in their own form groups

I get a bit of it. Iv seen many primary class parents what's app groups turn very toxic unless admin keeps tight hold.

WhatsitWiggle · 30/06/2026 16:16

Secondary is very different to primary. There's very little for parents to get involved in, the onus is on the children to be organised and communicate.

I'd just leave her to it for now. It'll fizzle out once she realises how much work she's created and that everyone has gone off and done their own thing with their own friends anyway.

wishingonastar101 · 30/06/2026 16:16

everyone get excited then they move on... you never have to see this woman on deal with her batshittery.

ruolocretaw · 30/06/2026 16:23

Some people go mad with the tiniest bit of power, and most others will just let it go in cases like these where it doesn't affect them much. Either they don't care or they don't want the bother of having a nutty control freak go into attack mode or put them down as a problem to fixate upon. They'd rather placate her than face her wrath.

But yes, avoid her for an easy life.

3teens2cats · 30/06/2026 16:26

I honestly don't understand class WhatsApp groups. Thankfully they were never a thing when my (now adult) dc were at school. What's wrong with just official school communications? I honestly can't think how this would be helpful for secondary.

CelestialCandyfloss · 30/06/2026 16:31

Madness! And this is secondary school?! I literally know one or two other parents at the school and there are no WhatsApp groups that I know of (thank god). Or maybe there are, and I haven't been invited. Either way, it's a result!

DecoratingDiva · 30/06/2026 16:32

What’s the point of the WhatsApp group? Why do you need to be in a group with all the parents in the year? Or even all the parents in your kids form?
it isn’t “official” school stuff. If you feel you need to be in a group for FOMO reasons just do it with other parents you actually know and get on with.

Auroraloves · 30/06/2026 16:32

Honestly, year 7s don’t need a WhatsApp parents group. How embarrassing for her, and her child

Newusername3kidss · 30/06/2026 16:39

Ha ha I wonder if this mum is one from my eldest’s primary school - absolute nightmare and absolutely the kind of shit she pulled constantly. No one speaks to her now kids have left primary. She genuinely thought she was the “glue who held everything together” but basically she took over everything and made it into a right palarva. By year 6 we all got backbones and told her to calm down but it went on for years as everyone was like “aah let her do it if she wants”. My advice stay well clear!!

bootle96 · 30/06/2026 16:44

Q sounds ridiculous. But seriously just leave the group. Best thing about not having children at primary school anymore is not having to deal with other parents 😂. No need for what’s app groups at secondary. Just let the kids get on with it.

italianlondongirl · 30/06/2026 16:44

I think WhatsApp groups are quite good if you’re the sort of mum who might forget things or just for general info. However I they only work for a whole year group as opposed to having subsets!

NerrSnerr · 30/06/2026 16:47

WhatsApp groups are not necessary in any school. I have a year 7 and a year 4 and there hasn’t been a group for any and it has been 100% fine. Nothing has been missed.

Reallynosuchthing · 30/06/2026 16:50

A mum in my eldest's year set up a Whatsapp group when we started year 7. I think there has been less than 3 posts a year in it since then ... our school comms go via the kids, as they're old enough to take responsibility for remembering what day they have sport etc. The only parents I know are ones that I've known since Primary when we were more sociable. Block her and swerve the groups.

StillCreatingAName · 30/06/2026 16:50

ainsleysanob · 30/06/2026 07:02

I’d rather have shit in my hands and clap than be included in a school WhatsApp group, especially at secondary school. Just leave the group!

🤣 @ainsleysanob for PM

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 16:58

Yr10 here and Parents WhatsApp group still going strong and very useful, school coms can be unclear, we have 8 different apps, as well emails, texts and sometimes paper based forms. Its also useful to gauge opinions on teachers, school policies etc. Couldn't be without ours!

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 30/06/2026 17:05

I wouldn't create any drama, just mute them and direct message the people you need to speak to or occasionally you might dip in and catch up if you wish. At our primary we have an overall year WhatsApp and a class WhatsApp and then sometimes additional groups for specific things- it's too much, but to be fair, at primary parents do a lot. At secondary the kids will learn they do it or they miss out/mess up. I can imagine a WhatsApp might be mildly helpful for the one organised child to tell their parents what they need for food tech that week, and then give everyone else the heads up. Other than that, I can't see it helping you out really..... gone are the days of "has anyone got Oscars jumper/water bottle/trainers" (also, no, nobody has, your child has left them on the field - always)