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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Gooseling · 30/06/2026 17:07

Fucking hell.

My secondary aged kids would be mortified if they knew I was in a WhatsApp group with other parents of kids in their form. 🤣🤣🤣

As soon as year 6 finishes - leave the WhatsApp group.

I’d assume anyone wanting to create a parent WhatsApp group for secondary aged kids really needs to get some hobbies.

JuliettaCaeser · 30/06/2026 17:09

Also I genuinely don’t think these groups are appropriate at secondary level. The kids are very touchy about information sharing and even asking a wider group about a lost jumper is basically blabbing to all their peers they are careless etc. They won’t thank you. Quite the opposite.

RoseOliviaAu · 30/06/2026 17:15

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

This. You don’t really need to collaborate for secondary school.

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 30/06/2026 17:18

edwinbear · 30/06/2026 14:06

We had a dad like this. Joined the school in Y7, we already had a WhatsApp group from all through Junior school (it’s a 3-18 school) and just added new parents to that. It had worked perfectly well for years, but this dad (within 3 weeks) insisted on changing it to a Community Group. There were sub groups for homework, lost uniform, after school clubs, form groups, sport….the list went on and on and on. When I objected he went on a massive rant about how I would do my DC a disservice being so resistant to change, I needed a ‘growth mindset’ apparently, I recall he posted some links of books I should read. I left the group.

A year later his DC got expelled - which was unfortunate for the Community Group as he was the only admin.

I wonder what on earth was going on in that family! Was the son rebelling against his controlling dad, perhaps, or maybe Dad spent so long trying to organise and control the other school parents that he had no idea what his son was up to?

MageKing · 30/06/2026 17:20

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/06/2026 14:04

I have never joined or needed to join a WhatsApp group at secondary school level. I’d decline if asked. There is absolutely no need for it whatsoever. I didn’t do it at primary level either. Absolutely ridiculous intrusion and she sounds like an absolute control freak. Just leave the groups and let her get on with. She’ll be chatting to herself in no time 🙄

Agree. Also, it allows you to weed out the parents you want to engage with vs the ones you' don't. The ones who are invested in what day PE is and need to post on the whatsapp accordingly, or who are asking random strangers about individual teachers... definitely not someone I want to be associated with anyway.

SonicStars · 30/06/2026 17:24

Never even had one at primary. Can't imagine one at secondary with all the kids doing different things at different times.

Unless of course they exist and everyone's just been told not to tell sonicstars!

Pinepeak2434 · 30/06/2026 17:31

Never needed a WhatsApp group for secondary, and I left the primary one pretty quickly. The school send out what’s needed via email and some schools have Facebook pages. I find the less I had to do with school reps the better - there as was a really controlling one for my son’s class in primary school.

PreparationIsKey · 30/06/2026 17:37

I mute the class WhatsApp for both dc that are in primary. Have a nose every so often that's about it.
I've never known of one for secondary school! And I have teens and dcs that have left secondary. That is weird especially as most forms will be online so everyone gets emailed from the school

Marieb19 · 30/06/2026 17:43

Just ignore her and make another group and invite parents to link up.

Franjipanl8r · 30/06/2026 17:50

How are kids meant to grow up at secondary if parents need a WhatsApp group to baby them!?

bootle96 · 30/06/2026 18:00

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 16:58

Yr10 here and Parents WhatsApp group still going strong and very useful, school coms can be unclear, we have 8 different apps, as well emails, texts and sometimes paper based forms. Its also useful to gauge opinions on teachers, school policies etc. Couldn't be without ours!

This really surprises me. My kids are yr 11 (just left school) and year 8. I genuinely can’t think of a single thing I would have needed to find out from a what’s app group in the time they’ve been at secondary. What do you get from the what’s app group? My kids know they have to pass on info from school, if they don’t tell me they need something for school then they won’t get it. I don’t expect to have to chase them up at secondary. I’m impressed anyone can be bothered with that at secondary!

Theworldsgonemadagain · 30/06/2026 18:01

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

Agree. I don't like parents watsapp fullstop but in secondary it's weird. Why do you need one? Your kids should be making their own plans and sorting out things themselves at that age.

AngryBeyondWords03 · 30/06/2026 18:15

Surprised secondary schools have whatsapp groups to be honest

CatA27 · 30/06/2026 18:17

Wow, I'm m glad my kids went to school before whatsapp was a thing!! Yes on the odd occasion they got dropped in the playground on inset day and went to school in uniform on non uniform day but it was a lot less stressful than this sounds!

Doihaveit · 30/06/2026 18:19

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Doihaveit · 30/06/2026 18:20

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Doihaveit · 30/06/2026 18:22

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Howdidlifegetsobusy · 30/06/2026 18:36

You don’t really need class what’s app groups in secondary. Personally I would just leave the main one, you will get letters and emails from the school.

form groups - just get the other admin to boot out “Q” or set up your own if you feel you need one. Voting with your feet may be the best way to demonstrate!

SpunkyOchreSnake · 30/06/2026 18:42

Why on earth do you still have WhatsApp groups in secondary? One of the highlights of them leaving primary is no more WhatsApp group chats with annoying parents 😂

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:51

So many deleted messages! What was roughly said?

OP posts:
Dontknowwhyidoit · 30/06/2026 18:55

I have 5 kids and have never been part of a WhatsApp group in primary or secondary school. There is no need for this in secondary school as children need to learn to manage social activities themselves. Contact the school direct if you need information and most schools send out emails regularly about stuff going on as well.

StrawberryMatchaLatte · 30/06/2026 18:55

I've not heard of class whatsapp groups being a thing in secondary schools and it hasn't been my experience with my older children. I don't even know who their parents are, nor do I need to. Just leave the group or mute it. People aren't arsed about crap like this when their kids are older. It'll probably fizzle out.

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:56

Crazy WhatsApp mum deleted the community this morning as she said she got over 100+ messages telling her people don’t like how she’s dictating what can and can’t become. She phrased it like I tried to get things organised but goodluck to you all figuring it out!

tbh I don’t find WhatsApp strange at all for secondary I think it’s a good way to communicate and do party invites as you can get responses clearly rather than going through kids, I think for year 7 and 8 will be useful then after that DD can organise her own birthday invites. I won’t be using it much but right now people are posting on he chat asking about uniform which I’ve found very useful as school guidance says something but parents with older kids have guided us in what actually we need and what can be done without. School guidance makes it look like everything is essential.

OP posts:
MrsVBS · 30/06/2026 18:56

You don’t needs What’s App groups in secondary school, the kids are old enough to sort themselves out. I’d leave the group.

Notimeforaname · 30/06/2026 18:57

Why cant you just leave all groups and have no contact with them? I dont understand?

You find out what you need from the school. You dont need groups and all these other parents to help your child complete school???