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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2026 21:02

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 20:51

When we went with DD to an offer day for her insurance option for uni, the amount of parents who couldn't understand that there would be no access for them to the university's computer system to check on attendance, grades and who the lecturer are - and their contact details was absolutely staggering.

The poor session presenter really struggled to stay polite and over and over explained that the students are adults and parents don't have the right to these information.

My eldest DD was seconded to education in her NHS trust and she had to deal with this. Parents of students up to the age of 23 demanding this stuff!

It used to be that kids "fail to launch" and the parents suffered, now it is "parents who wont let go" and its the kids who are suffering.

ETA I think the issue now is that Uni education is so expensive that parents think "I am paying for this, I have a right to know what I am paying for".

blubberyboo · 30/06/2026 21:09

Whatsapp groups are defo not necessary. I put 3 kids thru secondary school without once speaking to other parents outside of school organised meetings. The kids do it themselves.

ElleJayC · 30/06/2026 21:11

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:50

But this mind blowing… this is a whatsapp group of 200 parents of 15 year olds some about to turn 16, going on to year 11 and apparently 50 (50!) parents are still active on it about lost uniform (wtaf) and school polices and rules and whether their kids have lied about something.

I can’t even begin to imagine what the
non-involved 150 parents think of this supposedly active 50!!

Edited

I’m actually more bothered about this than the original post 😂😂

At least that was about current Y6, getting ready to move to secondary. I remember when mine first went, I didn’t realise how different it would be in terms of communication and I wanted to get everything right for eldest DS starting. Q clearly fancied herself in a staring role in AmandaLand bless her!

Kerry242 · 30/06/2026 21:21

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 20:51

When we went with DD to an offer day for her insurance option for uni, the amount of parents who couldn't understand that there would be no access for them to the university's computer system to check on attendance, grades and who the lecturer are - and their contact details was absolutely staggering.

The poor session presenter really struggled to stay polite and over and over explained that the students are adults and parents don't have the right to these information.

Mmmm, but they still expect the parents to pay for it though.....as it's means tested against the household for living expenses....

I can see two sides to this one to be honest. I appreciate that it is what it is - parents aren't going to get the info but I don't think it's crazy that parents want the info, if they're the ones forking out £24k a year for living expenses or £35k+ if they're also paying tuition.

You'd hope you'd raise your kid to be trustworthy but I knew too many people (including my younger sister) at uni - who had a damn good time on their parents money and £100k later came out with nothing to show.

4 kids - 3 of us came out with degrees. 1 was a little shit and literally lied through her back teeth - the worst lie was to get our parent to fund a 6mth trip to another country, claiming it was to attend Uni there (like Erasmus) but she made the whole thing up! One of her friends got the placement, my sister just deferred her Uni year and went with her for the party!! It took her 7yrs to get a degree! Lie after lie after lie after lie, that would have been found out immediately if my parents had any sort of access to her academic/attendence info, instead they had to blindly take her word for everything. She had us all fooled!

CanineJesus · 30/06/2026 21:26

To organise birthday parties? 😂
I can guarantee you that no teenager would be seen dead having their mum organise a birthday party!
at that age, it mostly a few mates going to the cinema, shopping or to the arcade & some food - and they are more than capable organising it themselves!

NiceKipperTie · 30/06/2026 21:29

I've never been in a secondary school WhatsApp group. It sounds completely unnecessary. We've got one Facebook group for parents for the entire school where people ask questions, sell uniform and check whether their child is fabricating an inset day. Someone added me to a Facebook group for one of my kids' forms and it had about 3 messages in it before everyone gave up. This woman sounds like she likes a lot of drama. There's no need to engage with it!

CypressGrove · 30/06/2026 21:47

It's a worrying sign of parents wanting to baby their kids longer and longer. Secondary school should be about kids increasing their independence, finding out things for themselves and organising themselves etc, not parents posting party invites on whatsapp and asking when inset days are. And as for parents whatsapp groups for 15/16 year olds - the mind boggles - you feel like these will be the parents trying to attend their kids job interviews and contacting their workplaces!

BeenzManeenz · 30/06/2026 21:50

You've all got too much time on your hands tbh

BlueMum16 · 30/06/2026 21:52

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:56

Crazy WhatsApp mum deleted the community this morning as she said she got over 100+ messages telling her people don’t like how she’s dictating what can and can’t become. She phrased it like I tried to get things organised but goodluck to you all figuring it out!

tbh I don’t find WhatsApp strange at all for secondary I think it’s a good way to communicate and do party invites as you can get responses clearly rather than going through kids, I think for year 7 and 8 will be useful then after that DD can organise her own birthday invites. I won’t be using it much but right now people are posting on he chat asking about uniform which I’ve found very useful as school guidance says something but parents with older kids have guided us in what actually we need and what can be done without. School guidance makes it look like everything is essential.

You are likely to use it for the first month about queries on the new school - uniform, timetable, homework, dinner money, etc where you can share ideas or get a steer from parents with older DC.

IMO there are no birthday parties at high school, a few friends doing something. You need to encourage independence

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 30/06/2026 22:11

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

Does she have any means of communicating with her friends outside of school? If so, that.

NerrSnerr · 30/06/2026 22:12

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

Most year 7’kids have a phone. They’re useful in our case (y7 girl) as I can text her if I won’t be home when she gets back (like yesterday I was in the park with her brother) or she can text to say she’s going to the shop on the way home etc.

Most year 7s will arrange parties using their phone. In our day we’d do it via landline but not everyone has one nowadays. You certainly wouldn’t arrange a year 7 party on a full class group chat! It’d be a few friends going to cinema or something.

CypressGrove · 30/06/2026 22:16

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

Howe does she arrange catch ups with her friends now? Birthday catch ups are pretty much the same thing.

CanineJesus · 30/06/2026 22:17

Or she can just talk to them at school?

UncannyFanny · 30/06/2026 22:19

To be honest the WhatsApp group sounds more like it’s filled with children and there are no adults in there.

bootle96 · 30/06/2026 22:22

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

She asks her friends if they want to do something for her birthday? She won’t want you organising parties for her like you did when she was 6. It is usually just a couple of friends anyway, big parties aren’t a thing in secondary. Mine had phones from year 7. They were coming home to an empty house so I liked them to be able to contact us if there was an issue, or let me know if they were going to friends and not coming straight home. So it was easier for them to organise stuff with friends. But they can still organise their own birthdays even without a phone. Just talk to their friends.

Gooseling · 30/06/2026 22:24

Franjipanl8r · 30/06/2026 17:50

How are kids meant to grow up at secondary if parents need a WhatsApp group to baby them!?

This is why lots of young people have fuck all resilience.

Jenkibuble · 30/06/2026 22:24

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

She is a micro manager

Can not lose any control

Needs a life/hobby

Gooseling · 30/06/2026 22:28

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

Hand out physical paper invitations at school. Thats what I did when I was in year 7 at secondary.

(I did have a phone though. To play snake mainly).

Parents don’t really need each others numbers for birthday parties of secondary aged kids. Genuinely most year 7s have phones now, so they can contact their own parents if they needed them at any party.

Judysdreamofhorses · 30/06/2026 22:29

There's a self appointed in-charge mum in my son's year group at primary who does nonsense like this.
I got a public telling off from her on a group chat for having 2 of DS friends over for a playdate without running it past her and her child (I'm not even joking) she was swiftly put right that it's none of her business who I invite into my home so I will not be asking her permission for anything, she now avoids and ignores me which is perfect.
Her main hobby is paraphrasing the email we all receive from the school then reposting them to the group chats as coming from her, very odd but clearly has nothing better to fill her time with. I do feel for her children as they get older because mine would be mortified if I behaved that way.

BeenzManeenz · 30/06/2026 22:30

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

Ask if she'd like to do something for her birthday. If she says yes, ask who and tell her to invite them directly.

As others have already said, this won't be inviting the whole class and organising a bouncy castle anymore. It's secondary school and things change, sad though that is.

ColesCorner7814 · 30/06/2026 22:40

It’s secondary school - you leave the kids to it!

whoahokeycokey · 30/06/2026 22:42

There’s always a rebel breakaway chat. Join that!

RealEagle · 30/06/2026 22:56

So glad there was none of this nonsense when mine were at school.

Chilly80 · 30/06/2026 23:08

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

She asks them at school. But i don't think secondary school kids have parties. My daughter is in year 7 and no one she knows had one.