AIBU to be disappointed in this anniversary gift? Probably going to sound like an ungrateful cow here

[Caffeinepleasenow]

It's our anniversary this weekend. DH isn't great at gift giving and prefers for me to tell him exactly what I want, which is fine by me. I pointed out the exact running shoes that I wanted in the shop a couple of weeks ago and sent him a picture of them too.

This afternoon he gave me some perfume, that he'd bought while out running errands with our toddler. He said they didn't have the shoes I wanted anymore. It's nice perfume, but not something I particularly wanted. I have mentioned some perfumes that I liked, after getting some samples, so maybe he thought any would do.

What's slightly weirder is that it's the exact same perfume that he saw me buy for my mum's birthday a couple of months ago.

It just feels very low effort. I would've preferred he order the shoes I liked online, or asked which perfume I liked again.

AIBU to be slightly disappointed?

RUDE

It sounds like he just couldnt be bothered. The items you wanted meant some work tracking them down so he took ghe easy and lazy way out.
I would have felt so unappreciated. It reminds me of the time my ex husband said he'd get me an engagement ring once we sorted our finances out. Of course it never happened.
So for our 10th anniversary I said its time we got the engagement ring.
Instead of getting me one he rifled through my jewellery box and found an old ring my godmother had left me in her will. I didnt wear it because it was too big for my finger and Im nor keen on it, its very old fashioned. He took it off to the jewellery shop and got them to clean it. That cost £20 I saw the receipt he left in the kitchen. He didnt get it resized either and he presented this as being suitable for my engagement ring.
I had done so much for him and given so much over the years this was just the last straw.

Nice meal out for an anniverary but never gifts

We don’t do big gifts at all here we came to that agreement between us long ago. We do cards with a few nice words that actually mean something to us & a token gift like our favourite chocolate & we go for breakfast while the kids are in school.
I don’t know any husband that would make a mental note of presents bought for their mother in law. Sounds like he heard you talking about perfume for yourself at some stage & didn’t pick up on the fact you were after a particular one. He didn’t ignore the fact you wanted the runners but maybe didn’t think you would have them on time if he ordered online & wanted to be able to give you a physical gift on the day.
You sound a bit ungrateful TBH.

In a perfect world, we'd all be great gift-givers. In reality, it rarely works out that way. I'd be annoyed he couldn't follow a precise gift wish list, but try not to take it personally if he's generous and considerate in other ways (with his time, attention, etc). Return or exchange the perfume if you can or regift it, if possible. I'd probably tell him it wasn't the right type so he won't think you love it and make it a repeat gift. Next time, I'd honestly just shop for my own gift or go together. It's not romantic or a surprise that way, but not really much less so, if you're already telling him what you buy (no judgement on that; sometimes it's the only way).

They didnt have the shoes. He bought something else. You would have been even more disappointed if you had got nothing. Yabu.

You're absolutely right there. If both partners are happy with no gifts, it makes life so much easier! It must be tricky when there's a mismatch.

For our 40th anniversary my husband gave me a portable house dehumidifier. I thanked him. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. He’s absolutely hopeless at gifts.

My DH and I have only even given each other 1 anniversary gift. This was for 25 years, silver anniversary. He bought me some silver jewellery. I told him he would get an apple pie in silver foil tray. I did get him a silver cigarette lighter.

I’m pretty sure you know that people often exchange anniversary gifts🤦‍♀️

I think these posts are often tricky because of the relationship dynamics. You have posted saying you will buy yourself the trainers when you can afford it....in my household we have a joint account and therefore I would just buy the trainers and not need to wait for them as a gift. From this comment I guess you do not have a shared account/own income that enables you to afford these things hence why an anniversary gift is more important to you.

Some people are better at gift giving (and thinking/planning ahead) than others. If he has plenty of other redeeming features I'd let it slide.

Finding it a bit odd that he would be able to afford to buy you the trainers but you couldn't afford them yourself, do you not have joint finances?

How romantic ffs.

We don't do anniversary gifts either, but we try to go out for a meal. Coming up to 56 years...don't think there's a present for that!

I genuinely don’t see the point in telling another adult who you live with and presumably share finances in some form or other with the exact gift you want them to buy you. It’s not gift giving it’s a transaction.
If DH can’t think of something to buy me I rather he said so and didn’t get me anything.
It’s not about having a low bar, it’s actually a high bar because I don’t want a low effort purchase just because it’s a particular date. I’d prefer a meaningful gift once in a blue moon than the equivalent effort of going to the supermarket with a list.

We do birthdays and Christmas’s in a big way. However not anniversaries.
I always assumed you either got a card, something sentimental or nothing! Ours can ho anyway 😂
A list of requests for an anniversary seems like it’s an extra birthday.
Having said that, if this is normal for you and he normally gets what you asked for I can understand the disappointment.
I however would be more disappointed by the socks 😂

Yes, it's a thing to lots of people.

I don't believe any of my friends give or receive anniversary gifts from their spouses other than for a really special anniversary. Why on earth is a gift necessary? My ex and I would go out for dinner, nothing more was expected from either of us.

If you want running shoes OP just buy them! Dressing them up as an anniversary gift is silly.

sounds exhausting more than anything. One of the reasons my DH stopped birthday and Xmas pressies was that after about the 10 year mark we ran out of ideas and it all got very stressful trying to think of things so we decided we’d always just buy things together or spend the money going out. How do couples come up with 3 distinct, lovingly curated pressies a year for each other? Anything we want/need we just buy ourselves except on occasion if I know he wants something a bit special I’ll get it. And then you have things like Valentine’s Day…. Exhausting!

This kind of response makes me cringe so much. It’s not a competition and you don’t need to feel threatened by others buying gifts. Every couple is just different!

😆

Why did you go out for dinner? Why was that necessary?

As an aside, do people really know what their friends do every year for anniversaries? I don’t!

Not everyone's bar is so low that 'at least he didn't forget' is good enough.

Some people enjoy gift giving. Nothing exhausting about it. What a joyless way to think!!

Not really. We have been married for 25 years. There is nothing either of us need at this point. We simply would be buying each other things for the sake of buying them. I refuse to buy my husband socks! The romance is well and truly dead at that point! I wouldn’t even buy him trainers as he can buy his own trainers if he needs them.

If I see something my DH would love I’d just buy it for him . What I won’t do is go- it’s his birthday and then spend hours combing through the internet trying to find something that really he doesn’t want/need so I can just buy it for him. We choose to spend the money doing special things together. If you can find many many things to get your partner yearly that is fab. We like literally ran out of regular ideas about the 10 year mark. Our house is already full of clutter we don’t need.