AIBU to be disappointed in this anniversary gift? Probably going to sound like an ungrateful cow here

[Caffeinepleasenow]

It's our anniversary this weekend. DH isn't great at gift giving and prefers for me to tell him exactly what I want, which is fine by me. I pointed out the exact running shoes that I wanted in the shop a couple of weeks ago and sent him a picture of them too.

This afternoon he gave me some perfume, that he'd bought while out running errands with our toddler. He said they didn't have the shoes I wanted anymore. It's nice perfume, but not something I particularly wanted. I have mentioned some perfumes that I liked, after getting some samples, so maybe he thought any would do.

What's slightly weirder is that it's the exact same perfume that he saw me buy for my mum's birthday a couple of months ago.

It just feels very low effort. I would've preferred he order the shoes I liked online, or asked which perfume I liked again.

AIBU to be slightly disappointed?

That’s really really shitty op. Has been got form for this?

I have been married for decades. I don't think I've ever been given "an anniversary gift"..... is it a thing?
People on here usually moan that their spouse has completely forgotten, so I think you're doing pretty well.

Of course anniversary gifts are a thing, you know full well they bloody are 😂 maybe you should raise your bar or maybe not post here trying to belittle a poster for no reason.

In other breaking news, people decorate trees at Christmas

Another that has been married for years and don't buy or give anniversary presents

Not about having a low bar but more about not focusing on things that are not important.

I once gave my husband car mats for our anniversary- it was what he wanted! Not very romantic though

Yes. There is even a list of traditional materials the gifts should be made of such as 1st anniversary paper, 50th anniversary gold.

I don't think I've got gifts either. I presumed they were only for the big ones (25, 50 etc) and related to the anniversary- ie: silver etc. Maybe that's old fashioned now, especially when people are older when they marry so don't want to wait until they are in their 50's for a wedding gift! I'd think card and flowers for earlier.

We don’t really do anniversary gifts either but obviously this couple do and so it doesn’t matter what the gift giving event is the point is he’s bought her something she doesn’t want.

op, I would graciously accept the perfume and just buy the shoes myself. If he buys you something else you don’t like then I’d say something but as a one off it’s not too much of a thing. Not every gift will be perfect and it’s nice that he tried even if it went off script.

And that’s fine, but why pretend you’ve never heard of it 😂 weird.

I'd just go and buy the shoes myself now.

Are they definately out of stock or did he just say that coz he couldn't be bothered to go get them and it was easier just to grab a bottle of perfume.

Yes, you should be grateful to get anything I understand that but why bloody ask what someone wants and then get them something else?

This is why adults shouldn't bother with presents. I love running shoes and am not bothered about perfume, but running shoes seem like an odd anniversary present. ln a world where money is family money, just buy the shoes, and avoid having it wasted on perfume.

The only gifts we do are trips or nights/days out, but even then in most cases it would be discussed to make sure it's right.

When you saw the shoes, you should have just bought them yourself. There was always the danger they would out of stock when your DH went to buy them. If they're still online, order them now.

I guess if the shop didn't have the trainers any more her probably panicked and remembered seeing you buy this perfume. Maybe he thought you had bought it for yourself and had forgotten you had bought it for your mum.
Lots of shops don't keep multiple sizes of shoes in stock and so it is a plausible reason for not getting them.

Similar story here- I got my husband a new doormat once 😂

We tend not to bother with anniversary presents anymore. Sometimes we get a box of chocolates in the shopping order to share but that’s about it.

I’m going to be honest I had no idea it was a thing apart from the big ones. We simply say ‘happy anniversary’ and that’s it.

I don't!

We don't buy anniversary gifts either and if it were down to just me there wouldn't be a tree decorated.

But to claim I didn't know other people do buy anniversary gifts as you did is just silly.

We decided on our first anniversary that there was no point me spending x on him and him spending x on me. For the big ones: 10, 25, 30 we've had a little holiday. He bought me an eternity ring at 10 and pearls at 30. Well he sent me to chose and gave me the money. Works well, he knows I'm fussy.

Another who doesn't do anniversary gifts here but if you do and you've told him specifically what you want, can't you just say you'd rather get the shoes online or whatever and return the perfume?

Is it not allowed to be important to someone else, just because it’s not important to you?

I have genuinely never met anyone who buys anniversary gifts every year. Flowers sure, maybe a card, but an actual gift swap I didn’t know happened. My husband has bought me special jewellery on the big numbers and some years flowers but I have never bought him anything ever. genuinely a bit surprised this is a thing.

Getting the perfume your mum wears is a bit rubbish!

What did you get him?

if this was your birthday or Christmas I would say you have a point but anniversary? Meh. Can’t get worked up about that. We probably exchanged presents the first couple of years but once you factor in Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day it starts to be a lot. That being said I’d rather have no present than a perfume I wasn’t keen on.

Save the perfume for your mum (next Christmas or birthday) and order the shoes you want.

We only get presents for the big ones. He's not one for cards for any occasion. Went on holiday for our 25th. I chose my own strand of pearls for our 30th & got him mother of pearl cufflinks with an engraved personalised box. This year is 35th & coral but doesn't feel like a "big" one for some reason.