To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

She's the one that splashed this on an international internet forum. People have then given opinions. Some have agreed, some haven't. It's really that simple.

I get that this has come as a surprise but you say you usually like being home alone so why not embrace this - and the two months of having the house to yourself! Get a tree - either a small real one or an artificial one that will last you for years to come. Get in a nice bottle of wine and some lovely food and watch what you want on telly. Can you arrange to do things with friends on some of the other days if they are all busy on Chrismas day? Maybe invite friends round to yours and get them to bring a plate for a buffet tea. If you really don't want to be home alone, then volunteer for a charity. I used to work with a lady who always volunteered to help provide Christmas dinner for homeless people.

People are making suggestions and you are being very negative. Why will the house be cold because they are not there (or are you just referencing that it will be summer in Oz)? They have given you a ton of notice and it's one year. Yes they are being a bit tone deaf but they are going to be excited about the trip and they will see you for the other 10 months of the year.

While people are saying £600 is a lot, it isn't if it includes bills and some food. You wouldn't get more than a house share for that round here (I am in the midlands where housing is cheaper than a lot of places) and that comes with it's own complications (deposit, sharing with strangers, etc). You may have more space where you are and be more comfortable.

It's great you are saving for a house but it is still a choice whether to go or not. I probably wouldn't bother for a week either but is still your choice to make (as was using up a lot of your leave).

How can so many people miss the point!

my heart breaks for you OP.

there saying it’s a family Christmas yet you’re not going to be there! It’s awful for them.

It's about what a householder can charge a lodger without declaring it for tax purposes.

Now you’re just being ridiculous. I don’t have a car and have still managed to have a Christmas tree every year including on those Christmas’s which I spent alone. Buy a smaller tree, or get a tree delivered . You don’t have to go for a Trafalgar Square size tree! And why on earth would you be incapable of sticking some decorations on a tree?

Just seen your post about the dates - 22nd Dec - 5th Jan would be a 2 week trip with the bank holidays and weekends so that seems a bit more worth it (if you could get the time off). It's fine if you don't want to though.

This post makes no sense honestly. You presumably spend Christmas with your DH (and kids?) every year, does that mean you’ve ‘missed out on so many celebrations’ because you haven’t spent it with other family configurations instead? Like you, your PIL are celebrating with the people (each other and their daughter) they’ve chosen to celebrate with.

This has made you look quite immature tbh.

What do you mean you can’t organise getting an Xmas tree?

You can get them for £10 and you do drive but if you didn’t then you can get it delivered.

And the good thing about artificial trees is that you use it repeatedly so it’s only a one off cost.

How do you think everyone else copes?
We don’t get our mum and dad to buy Xmas trees for us.

Surely you’re going to want one in your new home, so buy it this year and then you’ll have it for when you move out next year.

I understand feeling sad about being alone but your parents have got an amazing opportunity and they’d be silly not to go just because you’re choosing not to go too.

I can understand feeling sad and left out, but you don’t need to write Christmas off 6 months ahead of time entirely unless you want to.

If you’ve got lots of friends I’m sure someone would be very happy for you to join their family calibrations if you explain you will be alone. Failing that- volunteer somewhere!

You've got 6 months OP. Try not to worry or feel you have to come to a decision on what to do quickly. Give yourself time to process what you've been told but try to keep an open mind. Another thing you could consider if you've got some leave is a UK break. It might be easier than being home alone on Christmas day.

Yes, there are 3 working days between Christmas day and New Year, 1st jan is Bank holiday, the next 2 days are a weekend, so if you took off a few days before Xmas and and day or 2 after that would give you plenty of time to visit Aus and you already said you do have the leave available for that.
Or you could actually fly on Xmas day ( much cheaper) and meet the family there. Maybe you can all get a holiday house together for a short period rsther than rooms in a hotel? Would be cheaper.
You can do this if you want to.

If I would be signing up to high paying care agency and get my training in . And I would signing up for working Saturday nights and all bank holidays.
No wants work Christmas eve night and Christmas night box8ng night and new years eve. That way you earn money and won't miss your parents . The more quickly you save the quicker you will out of there

What exactly is your problem? Do you enjoy being nasty to young women?

Your posts on this thread have been vile. OP is allowed to be upset without being berated and bullied for it.

Have a word with yourself.

I've spent 17 out of the last 20 Christmases totally on my own. What is left of my family is 13,000 miles away, I'm on disability benefits and am never going to be in a position to pay even the economy airfare. My long-distance partner is in a caring profession and works most Christmases.

Unless you've suddenly lost both arms, why wouldn't you be able to buy your own Christmas tree?

Seriously? You can buy tiny Christmas trees that would fit in the smallest car. You can have Christmas trees of all dimensions delivered. Some come with their own stands so literally all you would have to do is carry it into the house, set it down and decorate it. If you don't think you can manage, get a friend to help. Are you normally this negative about perfectly easily managed things? I mean, do you not think you're going to cope with living by yourself for the guts of two months -- is this what this is really about, not Christmas?

You can also get them delivered. I got a real tree delivered by Uber one year. I'm physically disabled and am unable to drive. The OP is determined to feel sorry for themselves, it seems.

I don't think it's about the tree. We often catastrophize over the seemingly trivial instead of dwelling on the larger issue that is harder to think about.

Go travelling yourself why do you want to get weighed down with a mortgage you’re so young live and experience life

Aah. So is there something more going on here in your family dynamic, OP? Do you feel they prioritise your brother over you?

FWIW I think you’re getting a lot of unnecessarily shitty comments, picking apart your living arrangements and implying you’re somehow ungrateful that your parents ‘allow’ you to stay with them for £600 a month - which is a lot more than many of the young adults I know pay to live at home.

If Christmas is an important time of year for your family, then it’s absolutely reasonable for you to feel upset to be left behind and alone while the rest of them gleefully plan their big break together. There’s no moratorium on hurt feelings, so just ignore all the posters telling you to grow up. I had a situation in my own family over Christmas arrangements last year that upset me inordinately, and I’m older than god!

It may be that your parents have been a bit inconsiderate today because of their excitement, but it does sound like quite shitty favouritism on their part. I’d never countenance just dropping an announcement like this on one of my kids, no matter the circumstances. But then I’d never leave one person alone at Christmas in the first place. In your shoes I’d let my parents know I was hurt at being left alone - not in a combative way and not to piss on their chips, but just to let them know they’ve been a bit thoughtless. They may not even realise you’re upset.

You’ve had lots of good advice here on how to make your own day special, and I agree with the PP who said to allow yourself some time to process the hurt and then accept and move on. Staying in a mindset of bitterness and upset will only affect you, no one else, and it’ll spoil any chance of you enjoying your own Christmas.

They're not in the least 'vile'. I think the OP is behaving as though she's much younger than she is, and that it is helpful to her to encounter points of view that see this both as not any kind of big deal for a twentysomething and/or as the kind of thing many people in her position would be actively pleased by.

I can't imagine living at home with parents well into adulthood is easy for anyone involved, and that many in her situation would be jubilant at being able to live more independently for a couple of months.

@justalittlesad it's perfectly reasonable to feel sad about it. Most people would.

But give it a bit of time to get used to it. It's a lot to process all at once. It will become easier to sit with it.

Perhaps you might enjoy having the house to yourself. Not Christmas day but the period around it.

Go out with friends Christmas eve, make arrangements for Boxing Day. Try and fill up the wider holiday period with as much as possible.
It's also six months away. Do you not have a partner? You could easily meet someone before then and perhaps your parents also think lots could change and so are going for this while they can.

If you did buy a little artificial tree you could have it for your first home so it wouldn't just be for one year.

It's nice to see someone be so sensible about setting up their own future. Your time will come. Accept it won't be the same as usual but you might find that opens up different things.

Give yourself a few days to get over it and then try and be positive, even if you don't really feel it.

Are your parents assuming you can afford the fayre and will join them? Will they offer to help you pay for it if you tell them you can’t afford this. I agree this isn’t about being independent. It’s about Christmas being about family and leaving someone behind. Could never leave any of my children to have Christmas alone if they didn’t want that. At any age.

Please let's not let the thread become a stream of people detailing their own solo Christmases as a way to demonstrate she's being unreasonable.

The reasons for you being alone on the day are quite different to OP's and regardless, it's still OK for OP to be sad.

People don't have to be nasty about it though, do they?

Yet another thread with shitty comments from fully grown adults with zero empathy.

Aw I’d never do this to either of my girls. It wouldn’t occur to me. I’d just pay to take them with me. So from that perspective I find it really surprising that your parents are doing this.