To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

The OP is also a fully grown adult.

At first I said I’d be up for joining. Then I looked at the fares and realised I can’t

well they shouldn’t cancel plans just because they are leaving you behind. However next time they bring up “family Christmas “, ask them if they don’t consider you family?
However , I would look on this as having future freedom to spend Christmas how you like it and not feel obligated to include them

I think you’re getting a hard time here @justalittlesad

You’re allowed to feel however you want about this, those piling on are being a tad harsh - thank goodness for some making suggestions.

if you were nearer, you could come here - we always have waifs and strays, all welcome. And, TBH, it’s much nicer than the extensive family rigmaroles we’ve insured over the years!

Op I understand why you feel this way.

But I think you are letting your feelings cloud your judgement. You absolutely can get and put up a Christmas tree, I've been a single mum for 12 years and I do every year. And I don't drive!

Me and my brothers always have single friends who join us every year, for whatever reason. We also throw a Christmas evening party, for those who want to escape family, or just join us for drinks and food. It's a hell of a lot of fun! We basically have an open door policy at Christmas and New year. You will have friends who feel the same!

Yes, it's a shit situation. But you can make the best of it, if you let yourself.

Hi op I meant to say earlier yes you have every right to be upset especially as your not a large family but as you get older you might not want to spend Christmas with them so they have set the precedent for you to be able to choose not to without them say oh but we always spend Christmas together I would also be miffed your brother paid less rent than you because he was going travelling that’s unfair unless they plan to give you some money when you buy your house.

If you can't afford to go when they do plan your own trip when you can.

Have to admit had I known about FIFO work, I'd have worked in Australia years ago....

You are extremely negative on this thread. Are you like this all the time or just today because you are upset?

You come across as being generally negative - very 'glass half empty'. Your life seems to be lacking somehow.

What interests or hobbies do you have, if any? Maybe you could focus on creating a rich and enriching life for yourself.

I could not imagine flying business class and leaving one adult child at home. I would definitely offer to help with your expenses.

I would feel the same as you. Hugs

Well maybe they thought you would change your mind once they booked, maybe them saying family Christmas is them hinting you need to book too.

I agree with others, if you can't manage a Christmas tree by yourself how do you think you will manage living independently and owning a house. That comes with a lot of responsibility. What will you do if you want to do a big shop? Surely you would think I will order for delivery...same as the Christmas tree situation.

It's a long way til Christmas and your circumstance might change. Maybe you meet someone and want to spend time with them at Christmas anyway, maybe you would have chosen not to be with your parents.

Why let your house be sad and cold
trim up get the heating on Xmas music going Skype your family, drink lots of procecco read and have a cosy Xmas just for you

I’d feel a bit awkward crashing a friend’s Christmas, they’re all with their families.

Have I been living in a parallel universe or something? My family, friends and my family's friends have spent Christmases all mixed up with each other in various combinations ever since I can remember!

I am unaware of anyone from my circles of people getting all bent out of shape about Christmas the way they do on here.

Not being able to manage a christmas tree is waffle. I've got one in a daewoo matiz before. You're a grown up, how are you going to run a house? An artificial tree could be yours to keep when you move out so an investment.

They ABU to call it a family Christmas though, that must hurt. Have you been explicit that you can't afford it.

How old are you? It's okay to feel sad about it but it sounds like things were changing anyway - you want to move into your own home and yor brother is heading halfway around the world. You could go for some of the time, a few weeks. As for Christmas, you say you wont be able to get a tree on your own. Why not? An artifical tree can cost as little as a real tree, and can be used again when you have your own place. You don't need to travel first class, if it's just about joining the family, can't you stay with your brother or find a cheap hotel? It sounds like there are deeper wider issues, favouritism for example. You can still have a good Christmas, it might just be a little different. See if anyone will be on their own, the assumption is that everyone will be with family but that might not be the case. Even if not available for the whole day. On a positive note, you have months to plan - what about volunteering for example?

Of course you can - get one delivered ! If this is a major factor in not wanting to be alone at Christmas how will you cope living on your own ? I organise my own tree every year and manage to put it up because I live on my own. While it’s obviously hit you hard that your parents are going and how they are describing it as a family holiday and your feelings are valid but 1) their Christmas will be minus one child which ever way they do it - would it be ok if they told your brother they were having a family Christmas at home without him ? 2) your parents may be looking at this as a great opportunity to do a big holiday to Australia while they still can with the benefit of someone being in the country they know. They might only be early 60s but believe me there is no guarantee they will be well enough to do the trip next year. Your life can be turned upside down in a matter of minutes - despite plans and how fit / healthy you think someone is.

All these “how will you cope alone” comments - I managed it for three years at university, so I think I’ll be just fine, thanks.

I’m not going to put a six foot tree up alone, am I. But I’m glad so many people have revelled in kicking me while I’m down.

Why on earth not though? Or get a smaller tree? It seems such a petty thing to be hung up about.

I understand you're feeling hurt, I would too. Be explicit with your parents. I've looked at the flights and accommodation and realised I can't afford the trip. It'll be a shame to miss the family trip, hopefully I'm still family.

Geez....the last lots of posts are really quite mean.
I think OP is an independent, capable woman, she is just feeling sore right now (as I'm sure many of us would) and was hoping for a bit of support.

You are entitled to feel sad but it was you who put the comment about not being able to have a Christmas tree! This is why people are wondering how you will cope as if you say things like that it sounds like you are rather naive and dependent on others.

I went from the UK to new Zealand for 5 days for a wedding with 2 kids. It's doable if you want to but you don't want to.

Yes, how on earth will I live alone, because I as a 5 foot 3 woman can’t put up a 6 foot Christmas tree alone. However will I cope??

Oh well, let’s get on with being nasty to her then.

OP, as you’ll have realised by now if you hadn’t before, while AIBU can sometimes be helpful, these threads also quite often turn into an unpleasant pile on targeting the OP. If you’re not finding it helpful do yourself a favour and just log off. Most people on here are older than 24, in many cases quite a lot older, and having Christmas alone doesn’t seem such a big deal. You’ll probably get more empathetic responses if you post on a forum aimed more at people your own age.

You have 6 months to find someone to spend Christmas with.

Stop being so negative and make something good out of it. You are the only one who can.

With the greatest respect and empathy @justalittlesad , you can view this in two ways - the opportunity to have a miserable time or the opportunity to make it something different and special for you! I’d go for the latter!

Yes you can put an artificial tree up by yourself - it’s incredibly straightforward. It doesn’t have to be a 6ft tree although it can be if you want it to be. You could even invite friends round for drinks, snacks to help put up and decorate the tree or invite them to visit over Christmas to watch films, eat snacks and play games.

If you are old enough to save for a house then you are old enough to make your own plans for Christmas. Make the most of it because having Christmas by yourself is pretty common for a lot of people. No-one knows what the future holds for them so start making plans for yourself that don’t involve your family.