To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

That is sad for you. Why couldn’t they have had Christmas with you then gone to Australia for New Year? Do they know how upset you are?

I wouldn’t do this to my kid. I’d be gutted to spend christmas without one of them.
i absolutely promise you though, your friends won’t mind you “gatecrashing” their family christmas. I’m very much the more the merrier, guarantee some of your friends will be the same! I’m sure when they hear you’ll be alone, the invites will fly in. I’m certain you won’t spend the day alone in the end x

Why shouldn't they though? She's in her 20s so there's zero reason for them to not have an amazing opportunity just because the OP can't do the same.

That's a great idea @declutteredliving .

I agree that your parents have been tone deaf about this trip, but as your brother is only going to Australia for a year, I can understand why they want to arrange to see him ASAP and have a new experience themselves. Once you're in your 60's (or even 50's as I am), you do realize you need to get on with things such as travel, because none of us know what's around the corner health-wise.

You'll be fine at Christmas @justalittlesad, do exactly what you feel like and ask friends over/to go out. You might be surprised at how keen they are.

Of course they can. And OP can be upset. She's not suggesting they don't go, she is expressing sadness.
Most parents of adult children on this thread understand and are saying they would not do it.

Are you a bit resentful that they value travel over buying a house? I think you should take a leaf out of their book.

Ask them to pay for the flights, you are not paying rent for the next 6 months. Go for a week at Christmas and enjoy your free house for the other 2 months at home.

Live a little.

Most people would have no issue inviting a friend to join their family Christmas. You’ll probably find you have a few invites.

I’d never leave a friend to be alone at Christmas.

Can you show me where she’s indicated that?

Show me where I said they shouldn’t

If you're paying them market rent, I'd find a house share for the same money plus bills. Even if you can't save as much, it will be valuable in many ways. And I'd do it asap.

Maybe the £7200 you pay them a year is funding it. If you move out soon, they'll have around £3k less than they are counting on having. They could have spent that on paying for you to come along for a week to join in on this wonderful "family Christmas"...

I have two kids. My first born will be 19 in October and he isn't coming on our summer holiday as he wants to spend time with his girlfriend. We're going to Asia for 5.5 weeks, mainly to Mongolia, China, HK, Macau and then spending some time chilling in Lombok and Bali (where we've been a few times).

I have barely mentioned the holiday to him. I'm gutted he's not coming. I certainly haven't been going on about "family time" in front of him. I just couldn't and even though it's his choice not to come, it still feels disrespectful.

On the flip side, how happy is your brother about his mum and dad coming and crashing his Aussie Christmas away?

He's the one that has decided to leave for the other side of the world over Christmas, so he clearly wasn't too mithered about spending it with your mum and dad. It's not something you'd do if you're precious about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ Is he happy about them crashing his trip away? Are they going to be getting in his way??

They travel without me all the time and I love being home alone. My issue is with the phrasing, the fact it’s Christmas and the fact they don’t seem to realise that every time they say they’re excited for a “family Christmas”, they’re implying I’m not part of the family

Of course your feel sad about this but unfortunately change is the only constant in life. Next Christmas will probably be a bit sad to because it will just be you and your parents.
I had the opposite problem. Always wanted to go abroad with my husband and celebrate Christmas in another country and my mum would get upset so I didn't. My dad and husband both died last year so never did get that opportunity. Maybe your parents want to go to Australia this year just in case your brother comes back home before next Christmas and they lose the opportunity to have Christmas in Australia.
I think a community Christmas event would be a good idea either as a volunteer or diner. Some groups put on meals for people who would otherwise be alone.

Why should they have to?!

How old are you OP? Could it be they are giving you the chance to branch out on your own for once. Have a little privacy and time to yourself?

@3luckystars If the OP doesn't pay rent for six months, the situation could turn nasty and she could end up homeless.

Oh love you have only found out today, of course it’s normal to feel upset. They have (hopefully unintentionally) made you feel like you are not as important and given no thought to you being alone at Christmas. That’s really sad.
my in-laws actually did this to dh before I met him but he did go to his aunts house Xmas day and then saw his gf Boxing Day. He was fine with it as a lot of people would be but it’s also reasonable not to feel ok with it. I also found myself alone one Xmas and volunteered for the day.
You have some time to think about how you will spend your Xmas, you could go to a friends I know you said they will be with their families but sharing someone else’s family could be nice? Or plan to see friends the other days and spend Xmas day chilling and watching tv, volunteering as I did is another option. Or book a spa or hotel away.

With regards to your parents dismissiveness is it possible they will offer to pay? I’d give them some time to get over their initial excitement and then I’d expect to see abit more care/concern towards you. If not then I think you have learnt a valuable lesson you have to be responsible for your own happiness and not rely on others to provide it. If you can learn to do that then you are completely free to do what you want rather than fitting in to what others want.

Make a note of it. If it’s part of a wider pattern of being sidelined I’d start making moves to extract yourself from the situation. In my experience it has only gotten worse over time. If you’re saving for a deposit on a house downgrade your target property so you can get out sooner. Yes, you’re an adult. Yes they can do that, but the comments about family Christmas are downright hurtful. So I wouldn’t say anymore about it, but I wouldn’t forget it. If the boot were ever on the other foot I’d have no hesitation doing the same thing.

I didn't say you did. 🙄

Imagine you're off to the other side of the world in your twenties for a year or two and your mum and dad decided they are going to join you over Xmas for a month or two so you can still all have a lovely family Xmas. 😳🤦🤣

Your parents don't seem to view either of you as human beings with your own wants and feelings, or with any empathy tbh!!

OP in your shoes I'd price up house shares. £600 a month is a huge amount and your parents clearly aren't struggling with the trip they can afford to book.

General gist of feeling like people don't do Xmas solo. Can't possibly get a Xmas tree solo so just has to sit in a cold house by herself.

I had a solo Christmas last year and didn't once moan about it or think I'd have to sit in a cold, dark room without a Christmas tree.

I just got on with it.

Some of these replies are a bit much.

I’m so sorry, I would be so upset if my family did this. I think it’s totally normal to be upset and disappointed by this.
If I was your parents, I wouldn’t fly by first or business, I’d use that money to pay for you to come, even if it’s just for a bit around Christmas. I wouldn’t never leave my child alone at Christmas regardless of their age. I know my mum would never do the same as your parents. Even if it’s a trip of a lifetime for them, I couldn’t leave one of my children alone at Christmas like that, I would try and find the money to pay for them to come too. With the leave you have left, you could go for longer than a week, fly out before Christmas and back after new year, it’s a shame you’re parents aren’t thinking of you as well.
If you live separately with your own family, that’s different, but that’s not the case here. It does sound like your brother could be the favourite. Not sure why people keep bringing up that you’re paying rent and the amount, it doesn’t really have any bearing on this situation. But then a lot of posters seem to latch onto one thing. Those who say her parents are ‘subsidising’ her, it’s not really relevant. They are looking at first class flights, and spending two months there, they clearly have money, but seem to prioritising her brother and not both of their children. Children are still your children even when they are adults, you can still go on holiday together, spend time together, prioritise them, it’s not wrong even if it’s different to what you do.

I have no real advice, but I totally understand why you’re upset, I would be too.

Many are going to disagree but I think it’s normal to feel shit in your situation.

That is a very good point. It could all turn into a shit show anyway. Not sure I’d like to sacrifice my savings and annual leave for that.

If that’s what you’re paying, so would I.

I can’t organise a Christmas tree by myself - my car is tiny, I can’t go over and get one, I’d not be able to put up one by myself. I’m not going to spend £££ on an artificial tree for one year