To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

There are plenty of comments about the OP's supposed inability to operate the lights and heating. I wasn't talking about or to one poster in particular.

I don't think parents should routinely pay for their adult children's holidays, and I have no objection to parents having a holiday without their adult children; but I think people are still missing the salient point: that the parents are actively saying things about what a lovely family Christmas it will be, when one member of the family is sitting right there and they know she won't be present.
I don't know if they're spectacularly tone-deaf or if they're being deliberately cruel.

It seems you came here wanting people to condemn your parents. Yeah it will definitely be a bit sad, but you’ll survive. You’ve got some really great advice here but do seem stuck in feeling a bit sorry for yourself. In the grand scheme of things, this is not big deal.

We only have the OP’s word for it that they said this in that way. I suspect the OP thinks they should pay for her to go which is what this is really about and no one has been cruel or otherwise.

If I could afford first class flights to Oz I'd be paying for my daughter to come too!

My friend. Go look for a trip for some winter sun or organise a Christmas with friends or even looking to volunteering at a soup kitchen. Go make yourself a fun and different Christmas.

As soon as I read your first post I thought this might be the underlying issue. You already feel like they think you're a huge disappointment and the fact that they're going on about a family Christmas without you is making you feel that even more

Would you let your parents take worse flights or cut their trip shorter to pay for you to go with them?

I'd suffer the hardship of downgrading to business class to pay for my daughter. Would you be happy to leave your child alone for Christmas?

You already said that, can you answer my question? I don't have children.

Have you spoken to your parents about how they're making you feel when they say 'family Christmas' and you're not included?

Also I would be absolutely devastated to find out one of my friends was spending Christmas alone. Have u spoken to them too? Someone else may have a chair available. ❤️

There’s a bizarre attitude on mums net that you have to just accept it when people behave poorly towards you, and that you aren’t allowed to want things from your parents as an adult, nor do parents of adults owe anything at all to their kids.

imo it depends what the priority is. We have a family wedding abroad coming up - one of my brothers is getting divorced, me and DH are having a baby and buying a new house (we also thought he might get made redundant). Did they say “see ya losers we’re off to Croatia for your cousin’s wedding sorry you can’t afford it?” Or did they pay for an air BnB big enough for all of us to ease the financial burden and prioritise family time.

If your parents couldn't afford the Airbnb for you all would you expect them to stay at home?

It’s moot isn’t it - the OPs parents clearly can afford to pay for her in this case as they are booking first class flights and take a tidy sum from her monthly

It's moot because OP doesn't want to take the time off work. But OPs parents are thinking about first class flights which to me shows they can't afford that easily. And she is saving a tidy sum by living with them.

But my comment is for all the posters saying the parents should either pay for her, or if they can't afford it they should stay at home. Would you agree with that?

I wouldn't be in that position because my parents would do what I would do, however, I wouldn't be telling them what to do or not to do. If they wanted to pay for me, I would accept gracefully, as that would be what they wanted. Now answer my question.

I already answered your question

No you didn't, if you had a child, would you leave them completely alone at Chrstmas?

If they were in their 20s, yes.

But one of their children is potentially going to be alone whether they stay or go. It's 6 months away, she has time to organise something if she doesn't want to be alone.

Well we'll have to agree to disagree, I wouldn't, especially if they were upset about it and I could do something about it. I guess I'm just soft.

I was facing my first Christmas alone last year without either of my adult children.
I'd made all these plans - I'll travel to the coast and enjoy myself in a hotel. Spoil myself. Relax or go for some brisk clifftop walks.

Luckily I got flu and was pretty much delirious for about 10 days. That was months of worrying and planning wasted.

I could say the same, that I'm too soft for putting my parents first.
Yes, agree to disagree, thanks for answering!

I can’t understand though why OP’s parents would possibly see her as a disappointment? She’s employed and saving for a house. At 24. She sounds to me like the opposite of a disappointment, unless they have very odd priorities. Or unless they somehow expect her to be a very high earner very young?

Some people value travel/experiences. If she's living at home, doesn't go out much and never travelled abroad I can see how they might prefer her to do that before buying a house.

Not that I agree with that, or we know much else about OPs situation (I'm not even sure where you are getting 24 from), but it was basically the theme on the thread about the 23 year old getting married.

@DressOrSkirt I'm not sure where 24 came from either, the OP hasn't shared her age, has she? Perhaps I missed it.

Who knows, some people have weird priorities. It sounds like she is working a minimum wage job so maybe that's why