To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

Your parent sound really mean charging you that much to live with them. You’d be happier if you moved out.

What do you mean “the minimum balance the Government expects” ?
I understood it to be that the Government only expects you to have money behind you if you’re emigrating, not just having a holiday.
i stand to be corrected if I have missed something.

Time to spread your wings.
£600 seems like a ton of money to charge a child who is saving and not on a big wage.
get a flat share, go have some fun. You’ll regret being a sensible sally and saving and buying if you miss out on the being young bit in the process. Honestly, get as much of that fun life experience first.

My DD brought a massive one home for us when she was 18. She worked at a plant nursery at the time and decided she would treat us to a real tree. Just came home from work with it in the back of her Clio 😂❤️

You will never go on holiday without offering to pay for your children to come with you? Crikey. You must have a bigger budget than most of us!

I dont know what to say but I couldnt just read and dash.

I cant ever imagine doing something like that to my child.

You need to prioritise yourself

I understand you're upset about being on your own at Christmas OP, I really do. But it is ultimately your choice not to go! You do have savings, it's fine if you don't want to use them but you have the option. You've admitted you could go for 12 days, not 7. You could ask your parents to contribute to your flight as a Christmas present.

But you seem a bit determined to be completely negative now. You say you can't get a Christmas tree on your own, what about when you buy your house? Will you never have a Christmas tree?!

You say you'll be in a cold house, why would the house be cold? Are you only allowed the heating on when your parents are there?

Honestly, I think you also need to think about if you can afford to buy a house. With what you pay your parents and what you save, you'd have £1200 per month but that would need to cover your mortgage and all bills. You may have a house but you wouldn't have any money to do anything or go anywhere!

Sadly I don't think home ownership is achievable on your own without a higher salary. You're only young, you say you can't get a house share because rent and bills creep up but they generally include bills.

For what it's worth I think your parents are being a bit shitty not to even be bothered that you're on your own, but it's up to you what you do from here.

Ah OP that is really sad. We’re in our 60s ourselves and DD is thinking of going to Oz, we would never leave DS at home to go and see her at Christmas, we’re thinking of paying for him to come too. Could your parents not pay for you? Or for part of the trip? Or lend you the money? YANBU.

My parents love me and would never leave me out of a family trip, what can I say

What's really sad is that this tells you where you are in the family, the afterthought. Hell that's hard for anyone to deal with let alone with such a small family.

Take these 6 months and build a better life without having to think about what your family wants (and you can bet your bottom dollar they aren't planning for golden balls to help them when they get old).

Live well, wherever you want.

I couldn’t imagine going off for Xmas & leaving a son/daughter alone for Christmas, I think if the parents had a bit more sympathy to the op e.g telling her they know it’ll be lonely for her but it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity for them she wouldn’t feel so bad, it’s the fact they seem so excited about it without a care for her that’s making her feel down.

That’s awful OP, they’re treating both of you differently. Can you say to them you’d like to travel too, to Australia for Christmas, and you’d like to pay less rent to help fund it?

If you travel in the EU and don’t have a hotel booked first the whole of the trip, you’re supposed to be able to show you have enough funds to cover your stay. Can’t remember exactly how much per day it is.
But tge use a that you must have a minimum fund to allow you to stay for the duration of your trip isn’t new.

Fwiw I know that in the EU, it could be showing you have CC to cover these costs

Does your brother actually want them to go out there for 2 months? I should imagine that would massively cramp his style. My 2 DC have recently been travelling and made it clear I would be most unwelcome to join them!

Dear OP, unconsciously and (presumably) inadvertently, your parents have sent you a strong message. The message reads loud and clear: your brother is the golden child and you are an also-ran. That is painful and hard to digest. I'm not surprised you've had a strong reaction and are still reeling from it.
However, you now know where you are.

Give yourself a couple of days/weeks for that to sink in.
Then start to plan what you want to do next.

Whether that be to stay renting a £600p/m room + food at home with your comfortably-off parents, or whether you decide to find a flatshare, which may cost you about the same.
Meanwhile, tho' I haven't read the entire thread, I've gleaned some good bits of advice for you from @Bananananna , @Timetoeat and @MyMiniMetro.
So, yes, start now with a list of all the things you'd like to do/have/eat over the 3-day period (Eve/Day/Boxing Day).
I recall 2x (out of a number of) Christmases spent alone. 50yr gap in between.

I enjoyed both.

1. I'd got in a mountain of tangerines, I had a mini-but-real tree from the local market (lugged home by me, no bother), I had about 4x new, unread novels, I was intending to cook own lunch & lie on sofa reading. Was gatecrashed by (dear, not English, robustly confident) friend arriving unannounced who went on to take control of cooking Christmas dinner (resulting in undercooked bird). Was glad when she left.
2. Having been recently widowed. I'd volunteered for Crisis At Christmas on both Christmas Day & Boxing Day (which was v interesting & fun). Randomly, in the Post Office, I'd run into the wife of an ex-pupil. Hearing I was alone on Christmas Day/evening she INSISTED I MUST join the family in the evening after CatC. Which I did. And it was totally fab.This was a Pakistani-origin, devoutly Muslim, extended family who, unreservedly, welcomed me into their midst. I had the most lovely & wonderful time and (need I say?) the food was utterly fabulous. I was not allowed to leave without a heap of "takeaway" boxes piled with food.

it is hard to plan a different day at Christmas when all the world seems to be having "fun with family". It's a good thing to start early, making a list ("checking it twice" ) of items which will go to make up your excellent solo Christmas. By the time Christmas rolls around, OP, you'll have sorted out your best-ever solo Christmas. Perhaps, also, you'll have developed a different attitude about who are the most important people in your life. Good luck, OP. Maybe, you'll look back on this moment and be grateful for the insights it gave you about what is going on with people in your life?

As someone who had a parent who was also deeply hurtful and insensitive, I think you have every right to be deeply hurt. This isn't about the holiday, it's about not feeling like a priority to them, when they are a priority to you. If you can let them know how you feel it may help you (they probably will double down and defend their position, but you'd be saying something for you, not for them)

Actually, I'm with you, OP, in that your parents are being tactless, and especially so if they helped your brother out financially by reducing his rent when they didnt do the same.for you. Can you say something to them about how they are phrasing things? The only thing I would say is that you can be sad about losing the special family time without thinking all is lost for uouu and you will be alone, cold and miserable. Theres plenty of time before Christmas to think of what you would like to do and what your options are.

Cheer up! It will be different, but someone will have you over. Consider volunteering perhaps. There are lots of people having a worse time, and you could be the one to make their Christmas special.

My brother spent six of the ten Christmas Days in his 20s deployed to Northern Ireland, and one in Bosnia.

I love my parents, I would never prevent them from taking a once in a lifetime trip, what can I say

As a parent of 2 young adults I couldn't imagine doing this and I really feel for you.

I love Xmas with them - and they love it with me - since they went off to Uni they have chosen to spend it with me and my new partner not their father (which I will admit to being a little smug about but obv don't show that)

But this year my daughter is going to do a ski season so won't be around at Xmas. I would never dream of crashing her working holiday - the fact your brother is going to Australia for a year and your parents are going to take up 2 months of his time there feels a little enmeshed to me - is he actually happy that they are following him out there? I'm not sure what we or my son will be doing yet - if he wants to be at home (she lives in a flatshare, he is 2 years younger and still lives with me) then I will do our usual family Xmas and call daughter to tell her how much we miss her, if he makes other plans we'll probs just chill with the dog and eat smoked salmon bagels all day.

Has he always been their favourite? Because charging him less rent than you so he can save up for travel whilst you are saving for a house is really clear favouritism - do you get treated the same at home wrt food/cleaning etc? It feels really insensitive that they aren't just excited about a trip to Australia (which you would be unreasonable to be sad about) but are being excited about choosing him over you to spend Xmas with - especially when you being left out is a direct consequence of his choice and actions.

It's still early enough to volunteer at a food bank or shelter on Xmas day - spend it doing something that could make you feel better about yourself rather than feeling sad and abandoned at home.

I also think the people saying "I'd never do that to my kids" and the people saying "chin up it's only a holiday" aren't helping - I wonder if the latter have ever been truly betrayed by the people they love. It's so hard not having family who will put you first. When I was alone at christmas I booked a lovely hotel - if you find one that doesn't do xmas dinner they can be really cheap at xmas - and I bought loads of pizza on xmas eve and ate it cold on xmas day (I really like cold pizza though)

As you grow up it’s normal for parents to alternate holidays between their kids to suit them and their new families. Technically you will be with your parents September to December while he’ll be away and they’ll then spend some time with him. It’s totally fair but it’s also fair that you’re struggling with the change. It’s all part of growing up. Big hugs and absolutely ask if any of your friends will take you in for the holiday or arrange a Christmas at your home for friends in similar situations.

She isn’t preventing them though. She is rightfully miffed because she can’t afford to go because for some reason they are charging her £600 a month for the privilege of living in her family home. The parents are the problem here, not the OP.

Is there a chance they may be treating you as a surprise ?

I know she isn't, but others are suggesting that.
She can afford to go, she doesn't want to use her money on it.