To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

Of course they are being unreasonable, I’m glad I’m not in one of these Mumsnet families where anyone over 18 needs to be fully independent and never want to spend time with family. They are not being unreasonable to want to go on holiday, they are being very hurtful to you by going on about the family Christmas when one of you won’t be there. I encourage my parents to travel whenever and wherever, they have been away at Christmas with my sister but I have my own family. They would never do this because we love and care about each other, we are bothered if one of us is upset. What I would do is book a few days in a fabulous hotel somewhere I love, maybe in Europe where there is snow. There are also activity holidays where you could be with other people who are alone. I think it would be worth spending a little. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth saving for years for a house and having no life when you could rent and live a little. Hope you can get your head around this and plan something fabulous for yourself.

I would be crying about that in front of them everyday! How thoughtless! I would definitely only go if I could afford my child to go too. That's so horrible! You are not unreasonable to be absolutely gutted about it.

I was wondering this too.

Just withdraw some of your house saving funds and go with them. You’re in the fortunate position of having parents that are happy having you at home so you can save. Many on MN chuck their offspring out as soon as they reach 18. How long will it put you back with your house saving if you went? 5 or 6 months? Which isn’t huge in the grand scheme of things.

My parents would have paid for me to go with, but it doesn’t sound like yours are willing to do that? But perhaps because you won’t have the ability to take leave then?

It’ll probably be a bit of a sad Christmas for you, and I’m sorry, but there will be more!

Say that to them. I though he was emigrating - if he's only going for one year, could they go to visit him after xmas (when the prices drop!) and you all go?

You are right to feel sad but also you are a grown up and will have to get used to things changing . Get used to spending “family” time alone - most people end up doing this at some point in their lives

She’s paying for her own food on top of the £600/month and the parents have been charging the brother less so he can save for his Australia adventure! Honestly, this sounds like a Golden Child situation…

Volunteer?

.could you ask your parents for a Christmas gift of a night away in your favourite city over Christmas? Then stock up on all of your favourite drink and food?

I have young DC now but I always fancied a couple of nights away over Christmas (London). Going for a walk in the morning then sit all cosy with a Camembert and Christmas telly

Bit mean to say someone in their 20s should be so independent that they shouldn't miss their family at Christmas. But then this is Mumsnet...

Thats an awful lot to pay out of a relatively small monthly wage!! I would move out and find a home share with a couple of nice people! Let the Rents live on their own for a bit!!

You need to tell them exactly that and say how hurt you are. It might not change the outcome thus year but going forwards they might consider you more.

My thoughts exactly. I have a feeling OP is embellishing things to get sympathy.

Agreed, my parents never charged anywhere near this plus food, I would never do this to my kids either, especially if they were saving for a home.

Oh don’t be such a wet blanket. Of course you can put up a tree on your own. I did for years when I was widowed young. You are going to be on your own for xmas but it’s only one year. Buy food you want to eat, treat yourself to some nice things you want and plan your day.

I would be more than happy having a friend join us especially one who was going to be on their own. It’s not crashing if they invite you!

How about you go and ask them to halve your rent for a few months? Ham up how much you want to join the fun? Ask work for unpaid leave?

Alternatively see it as you getting the whole house to yourself for 2 months!!

Rent out a room on Airbnb and boost your income for a bit 😂

I think they sound mean - in all senses of the word.

No way would I leave one child or not help them out to enable them to come if they wanted to. And going on about it and calling it a family Christmas when you won’t be there is horrible.

people aren’t being horrible. They’re being honest and putting things into grown up perspective for you and you don’t like it.

@justalittlesad I think some people are being rather harsh on you. I understand you feel a bit abandoned, especially as they are talking about a family Christmas.
I used to feel like this sometimes with my family , as I'm the only one without children, so I sometimes got left out.

I know it’s a really emotional time Christmas and it brings out a lot of strong feelings for people. My brother lives abroad and has done for a long time. There have been years before I was married that my parents have gone and left me alone. It was hard. However, someone I knew always offered to have me round Christmas Day with their family and I went so I wasn’t alone. Was it the same as Christmas with my family? No. But it was better than being alone and I did enjoy it. I went for the meal. Took some appropriate gift / gesture of appreciation then I left. I went home and had films / snacks etc planned that I would enjoy.

In later years I’ve done the same for others and always have a house full of usually family and then some additional people. It’s fine. It’s Christmas.

Im really sad for you OP dont know why people being so nasty. Be brave tell your friends you deserve an invite if only boxing day

This seems odd. If they are really prepared to pay business class for themselves (double the cost of economy these days) but not support you to come as well meaning you would be left alone at Christmas that seems quite unfair.

Is there more to this story? Do they not realise you can’t afford the fare? Would they pay half if you asked them? Do they understand you have no one else to see at Christmas?

Of course you're not unreasonable to be sad. It's really sad to suddenly find out you're going to be alone for Christmas (especially for the first time). And they're being hurtful to not even consider you in this. By the way, it's not strictly relevant but I think charging your child £600 a month rent is really mean and excessive.

I'm sorry they've been so thoughtless OP. Don't rule out getting an artificial tree - it's not for one year it's YOUR tree then for YOUR home and YOUR future. Your parents have shown you that they don't value you so it's time to start looking forward to the life that you'll create and the family you may have one day, whatever that looks like.

But for now it's ok just to be bloody sad. It's really unkind.