To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

A real friend would invite you over surely??? Once you tell them whats going on

They are adults and can do as they please, it’s sad for you, but you have plenty of time to find something to fill your time, plenty of charities need people to volunteer to help with Xmas dinner for the homeless etc

She's an adult, I'm her 20s, and they are already subsidising her rent and bills!

Which of @N0ChildrenYet’s points did I miss?

Thats awful. Tell them your brother can be the one to look after them when theyre old be😉

Sending my warmest wishes to your kids too with that attitude.

If I had enough money I would pay for any dearly loved relative to be with me rather than alone for Christmas, whatever their age. Wouldn’t you?

Can you imagine charging your dc that much rent?

I don't have children. I'm 31 and my parents went on lots of holidays abroad without me during my 20s, I can't imagine expecting them to pay for me to join.

No, I think there are lots of ways to enjoy Christmas. In my 20s I spent some alone, some with friends, some with my partner.

Besides, she has enough money to go if it was her priority.

No

@Jellylasagnafortwo Agree. I'm Canadian, and that's over $1000 Canadian to rent a room, plus food. Of course if op rented a room elsewhere, she'd probably have more monthly bills as well.

I agree and they likely think it’s therefore ‘fair’ to spend the money on going to Aus to support their so when they’ve given their daughter SO much support.

They should stop speaking about it in front of OP but it’s not wrong of them to go and I’d do the same (I have 2 children). TBH tho I’d be a bit annoyed if my other child said they couldn’t afford it if they were living at home for free.

You have reached the point in your life that everyone reaches eventually - the point when your family can no longer do everything together. You're an adult with your own set of priorities.Your parents, who are at the different stage of life, have different priorities. Sooner or later the Christmas was going to come when you wouldn't be spending it with your parents. The day has now arrived, and how you respond is entirely up to you.

You want to save for a house. You want to be financially responsible.These are really wise decisions. They mean you sometimes have to miss out. But you can still have a great time at Christmas. It won't be what you're used to, but it will be whatever you make it.

It might help you to be clear in your mind about exactly what you want from your parents. Do you want them to pay for you to go to Australia too? Do you want them to not go - to effectively choose Christmas with you over Christmas with your brother? One could argue he brought it on himself by choosing to go away. Or do you just want your parents to stop referring to the trip as a "family holiday"?

I don't charge my DC any rent, but they do have to pay the bills.

I can see that that particular aspect of it is very hurtful. Have you challenged them on that? There is no way DH and I would talk about it being a family Christmas if we flew out to see DS1 abroad and left DS2 behind on his own at Christmas.

But - there is a limit to what you can say or do when you’re living in their house.

I would make a plan on how I’m going to spend Christmas. In reality it is three days, and I’m sure there will be friends going out on Christmas Eve. I’d then decide on a chilled couple of days with some indulgent food. Ask if anyone is going out anywhere for a Boxing Day walk - someone might be. See if they want to come back to yours for food afterwards.

You can order a tree and turn the heating up, so banish all thoughts of a cold dark house. Why not buy some lights and tree decorations and start your own collection for when you have your own place? Ditto some Christmas serving ware if you like it. Make it all yours.

I'm 66 years old and I've carried a Christmas tree home on my shoulder.

How much does she earn? Because if she's on say 3k a month then yeah it's reasonable

At £600 she is subsidising the parents!!!
£200 for food a month at the most and £400 for bills is a bloody fortune!!! If the OP is paying a third of the bills, you cant tell me the bills are £1200 (a third) a month or £1600 if the brother was there??

Mine contributed but not that much! Especially if they were saving for a house.

One year savings would be needed just for fees white goods and furniture these days let alone a deposit.

Seriously are you only 21/22 maybe? It's the only way this can be at all logical as a response.

Have you heard of second hand? And first time buyer 1 bed flats? In less than ideal areas?

OP, ignoring the harpies on here and the xmas aspect of this. I think this is a good opportunity to reappraise your relationship with your parents (and the golden child), double down on that saving and get moving.

And then vehemently resist the near inevitable “you can host Xmas” or worse still “your brother needs a room”.

No it’s absolutely not feasible to do a trip to Australia at Christmas for what would be less than a week - you’d be destroyed, you’d see sweet fuck all and it would cost an absolute fortune. Ignore those suggestions. You’ve got your head screwed on right, don’t doubt yourself.

I’d also wonder that your brother might not be overly keen on your parents crashing two months of his year in Australia. I certainly wouldn’t have welcomed this.

Chin up - you’ve six months to get something planned for Xmas day, there are options. 2020-2023, I got a little two foot high table top Xmas tree for about a tenner and decorated it - it’s doable. Order a Xmas Eve treat takeaway, Make yourself eg Eggs Benedict in the morning. Take yourself for a walk and wish other people Merry Christmas - stop into your local pub and have a Xmas drink so you get to see and speak to some people. If you don’t want to make a mini Xmas dinner, buy in your favourite food, get a bottle of something nice and watch all your guilty pleasures films.

You got this x

How long should your parents make you their priority? They have to think about your brother as well, so why should he spend Christmas on his own? It's a new exciting thing for them to take a trip to Australia for Christmas. It's one Christmas. Don't think of yourself being in a "cold empty house by yourself" as you've said in another post. That's VERY emotive and not helpful. You've said yourself you work most of the season anyway, so just have a nice, cosy Christmas, with nice food, movies, and yes you CAN put up a tree!

Do you not have any friends you can spend the day with? You must have more than JUST your parents in your life, or you have bigger problems than just Christmas Day.

Celebrate with your parents before they live, at the start of December or late November. Go out for a Christmas dinner with them - they'll be available this early in lots of places. You can video call your gift exchange on Christmas Day and say hi to them, and be included in some Christmas fun that way.

Or.. how much of your air fare CAN you afford? Could your parents perhaps gift you some money for Christmas to be put towards them? You don't have to stay for two months, just a little while for actual Christmas.

But please.. don't act like a child. You aren't one. You're still living with your parents in your 20s, but you don't need looking after, and they need to live their lives too.

It does seem really mean of them. I'm sorry.

When I was younger, sometimes I would work at Christmas in hospitality and often extra pay for working Xmas day and lots of tips etc. Maybe you could write off Xmas this year and work instead to get more funds for your house.

It does seem really mean of them. I'm sorry.

When I was younger, sometimes I would work at Christmas in hospitality and often extra pay for working Xmas day and lots of tips etc. Maybe you could write off Xmas this year and work instead to get more funds for your house.