To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

It costs her £900 per month to live with her parents. £600 for rent and £300 for food. As I have said in previous posts, as their mortgage is probably paid off, they are actually making a profit from their own daughter.

How old are you op? Unless you're a teenager this seems very overdramatic. You love at home and are with your parents everyday, they just want to go for a weeks holiday. You can get a Xmas tree alone, just have a real one delivered or buy a reusable and have it delivered and assemble it.

I think the way your parents have talked about their plans is awful, and I can fully understand why you feel so upset. You need to communicate that you are happy for them to be taking such an amazing trip and that you have looked into it, but that your limited leave and need to travel at peak times means you can’t afford to join. Then see how they respond. More generally, I do wonder whether the extent to which you are saving to buy a home is the best use of your limited income at your age, given how it is impacting your life. It might be worth renting with a friend to create a better life for yourself even if it costs a bit more. Is your current job where you see yourself long term? Or do have other plans for your future career? I think something like rebel finance school (available free on YouTube) and some of their related content with ideas to increase income could be empowering for you. There is also a free rebel business school available online to help people set up businesses or side hustles. Wishing you all the best.

Youre living g at home, do you pay any bills or rent? If not then you're incredibly fortunate and pampered. Thai is just one fo those times you need to choose which to sacrifice a Xmas or a house. Is it the first time anything hard has ever happened to you?

You have time to make an alternative plan..

She pays her parents £600 for rent and £300 for food. That sounds like the opposite of being fortunate and pampered. They are probably making a profit out of her if their mortgage is paid off.

Im 5 foot 4, I've collected a 5 foot real tree, humphed it into a car boot with back seats down then humphed it into an upstairs cottage flat. Do you have a disability of some sort?

In that case she can move out and rent somewhere else.

YANBU OP. Your parents sound very selfish… leaving one of their children all on her own for Christmas. You don’t stop being a parent once your child turns 18 and kids should always come first. They should stay home so you can enjoy a family Christmas like all your pals.

Some of the best Christmas times I've had have been alone! Try to move beyond the sad and think about what you're looking forward to!

But then the other three members of the family won’t get the Christmas they want to have. 🤔

Really feel for you, I would feel exactly the same if it were my parents. To me 20 seems really young to be expected to find your own plans for Christmas. If it were me I would spend Christmas with the child who had not chosen to move and then visit the other after Christmas. I didn't spend a Christmas away from my parents and siblings until I was 33.

@Daffodilsinthespring

”luxury pizza”?! lol. Let’s not intantalise OP I’m sure she’s capable of cooking more for herself than pizza 🍕

In general I think you are being unreasonable.
You could join but have decided to save your money/annual leave. I might make the same decision in your shoes, but I would own it rather than acting like I was forced to spend Christmas alone.
As for the Christmas tree, you don't need a 6 foot one but if that's what you want have a friend around to help put it up!
The only weird thing is them calling it a "family Christmas". Did they say that after you changed your mind about joining?

Sounds to me you are paying a lot living at home if you also spend 300 on food/gym as well as. 600 rent. As someone who lives away from family I know how hurt you feel when told all family is together then We are all here then dismissed because you had to move away for work. This year not one of them bought me a single thing for Christmas was lucky to get a message wishing me a merry Christmas so I feel for you op.

The OP says she is ‘in’ her 20s, so probably not exactly 20 years old.

Why don’t you tell them how you feel? That they’re being insensitive and it’s upsetting? Do you have that kind of relationship?

You have every right to feel sad. I would too. Your parents have every right to take this amazing opportunity, but it would have been nice if they sat you down and told you, and then acknowledged the situation that left you in and helped you brainstorm how you could spend the holidays.
Honestly do ask your friends, when I was at home with parents I would have loved for one year to be different and a friend join too. Maybe you go for the evening if you feel that’s a better ask.
There will be a tonne of volunteering opportunities but it’s also ok if you don’t want to do that.
im pretty sure last Christmas there was a thread on here about solo Christmas and how everyone spent their day

I think it matters how far into your 20’s you are. If you are 21/22 then it feels worse than if you are 25+. I know people will not like what I’m about to say but if I had all my children still living at home after their mid 20’s I think I would feel rather depressed. I know it’s not your fault that the economy is a mess but none of us envisaged our children living at home this long and it’s hard. We all left home fairly young. I think it’s pointless voicing your hurt to be honest, they know you’ll be alone and they’re okay with that whether you think it’s mean or not. They will have had a chat and decided that they want to go. If he’s only there a year then it kind of is a once in a lifetime thing. I remember my first Christmas waking up alone after a split. My children were with their father and I just decided to do all the things I enjoyed. I cooked the food I like, I drank the drinks I enjoy, I got a bit tipsy and it really is just a day. I think if made me grow up a bit to be honest and since then I have more of an attitude that I can do anything alone.

The thing is, when will it be okay for them to do what they want at Christmas without feeling that they are hurting you? This year, next year, until you have a family of your own? It’s kind of not their fault that times have changed so much and that you’re still at home. The other thing is that our children often leave us out and think nothing of it but expect that we will not do that to them. You are invited, whether you want to / can afford to go or not is down to you. They might offer to pay a bit towards your trip if you wait a bit. Or maybe they don’t want Christmas to be the same as it always has been. I don’t want to cook Christmas dinner ever again.

I really feel for you @justalittlesad but voted yabu.
Your first Christmas without family is hard, especially as they are talking about a family Christmas but this will happen at some point.

Christmas is what you make it. You can still do lovely magical things, it’s just going to different things. Have a think about your favourite things to do at that time of year (sans family obviously). Put up decorations (smaller trees are cute and you get to decide how to decorate it), do some Christmas baking, play music and watch your favourite movie.
We’ve always invited our dc friends over for Christmas if they are alone. We loved it!

This is really fresh for you so have a think, don’t fall out with your family about it. You might need to bite your lip for a bit!

Is the £300 for food covering everyone in the house? As this is a lot! We pay £500-600 for a family of 4 so the maths doesn't make sense if one person is paying £300 a month on this.

You have completely missed the point.

Frankly your parents are c*nts. If they can afford 2 business class seats and a month visit alone, they could have afforded 3 economy plus seats and two weeks there for the 3 of you. Their attitude towards you being alone at Christmas is shocking.

I don’t know you, but I’ve no doubt you deserve way better than these parents. I see why your brother is moving to Australia now.

Cut contact to a minimum. Build your own life.

Now come on, don't be too hard on yourself. You have 6 months to find a friend who can accommodate you for the season or can you invite someone over yourself? (((hugs)))

Sounds like your brother is the golden child. It feels like shit when it comes up like this. I would go away for those eight days somewhere. Do your own thing. I couldn't be sitting alone in that house, knowing that they didn't care. Create your own life for your own sake.