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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad about this?

831 replies

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 14:59

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

OP posts:
idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 28/06/2026 08:14

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 18:19

All these “how will you cope alone” comments - I managed it for three years at university, so I think I’ll be just fine, thanks.

I’m not going to put a six foot tree up alone, am I. But I’m glad so many people have revelled in kicking me while I’m down.

You could get a cute smaller tree if that’s what you wanted?

I don’t think anyone is revelling in kicking you while you are down op - you have had lots of sympathy and practical suggestions here. Also, when you post on a public forum asking for views, you do have to expect … views 🤣

Am sorry this has upset you so much, but honestly I don’t think it has to be the disaster you think it is.

edited for typos.

sweatymessi · 28/06/2026 08:20

I think your parent’s behaviour is odd but its MNs so many posters will tell you differently.

I wouldn’t touch your savings as I think it’s good to leave home sooner rather than later.

Try not to think about Christmas in family terms but think of it as a day where you can do whatever you want and plan accordingly.

wizzler · 28/06/2026 08:48

Op I think it’s ok to be sad. But in the future there will be many years where they are in the Uk with just you to share xmas with. Their decision this year will mean that you have the freedom in say 5 years time to do what you want even if that means leaving them on their own. And believe me that might be worth a lot!

SisterMidnight77 · 28/06/2026 10:11

Some people on here are horrible.

TheCraftySquid · 28/06/2026 10:19

I don’t think they are being unreasonable. You’re all adults, they can do what they want and this is probably the only time they’ll get to experience Christmas in Oz, if your brother is planning on returning in 12 months.

I do understand why is disappointing for you to not be able to go, but it happens and it’s your problem to solve or not. It’s called adulting.

BurtsBeefCrisps · 28/06/2026 10:20

I understand why you’re upset. They haven’t been very empathetic but try and take a step back and think about why they want to do it at this stage in their lives.
If you don’t want to spend your savings, as that is an option, just one you are discounting (for sensible reasons but you do have a choice here) then I would reach out to friends to see if they want to arrange something for twixmas or new year for a couple of days. Ideally go away somewhere Christmassy.
Reading between the lines I think it would be helpful for you to have other communities in your life. I am part of a choir and there’s no end of social opportunities including going away and often I find other like minded women there, often who I socialise with separately. Widen your interests, there’s lots of groups out there to try.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 28/06/2026 10:23

Oh, OP, I feel for you and can hear the disappointment coming through. The excited talk about a “family Christmas” when you won’t even be there - it’s insensitive at best.

Of course your parents are free to go wherever/whenever they choose. But you’re allowed to feel sad about it and feel like they are, indeed, “choosing” your brother over you - the rational, adult part of your brain sees the facts, but the inner child feels the hurt.

If you look back and reflect, has your brother been the favourite? Is he the “golden balls” son? The fact that he’s been paying less rent to your parents than you have, because they see his saving for travel as a priority and more important than your saving for a house, suggests so.

£600 per month is a big chunk of your income - if they’re so comfortable then I don’t know why they take so much from you (I wouldn’t take anything from you in this situation, if you were my DD). It’s their choice, obviously, but I really think you should perhaps explore other options.

I know you’re not keen on a house share, but it feels like it might be a better option for you - put a bit of healthy distance between you and your parents, feel more independent etc? You’re still very young and should feel like you have the world at your feet, with opportunities to try different things, rather than saving every penny for a house deposit.

Perhaps have a think if there’s anything you fancy trying, because now it probably the best time, while you’re young, healthy and have no commitments. Travel/work abroad, learn a new skill or take a qualification in something just because it’s interesting, buy a narrowboat to live on, whatever?

Don’t limit yourself, is why I’m trying to say. But if the only thing you REALLY want to do is buy a house, then it sounds like you’re going about it then right way and doing pretty well. I know you’re working full time, but would you have any capacity to try a couple of evening shifts in a pub, or similar? (I did it when younger). The extra money would boost your savings and there’s a social aspect.

Regarding Xmas, well, it’s often a highly emotional and tricky time for people. It’s great that you had lovely Xmases in times past, but things change. Life is constant change,
and the only way to survive is to adapt (I know it sounds dramatic, but I’m getting older and have seen some ‘interesting times’). Like you, I had fabulous childhood Xmases, then grandparents died, then we had more lovely Xmases with my young DC, then parents died and my DD is almost grown. Things change, sad things happen, but we can still find enjoyment and happiness in different ways. The year I couldn’t face a huge tree, I bought a small real tree in a nice pot and decorated it solely with decorations I’d made/sewn and some tiny lights - I might do the same this year, as my lovely DM died last December and I don’t think Xmas will ever feel the same. I’d suggest you perhaps focus on making just one room nice and festive for yourself - little tree, pretty lights, whatever makes happy/cosy. You will feel the absence of your parents and brother, and it will be different, but that doesn’t mean it will be inherently bad or sad.

Whatever happens, you sound like a sensible, clever young woman and I wish you all the best with your saving and home-buying goal!

somanythingssolittletime · 28/06/2026 10:24

You sound more disappointed in yourself than your parents. Do you like your job? Do you like your life? Are you having any fun? Why is owning a house so important to you?

you CAN get a SMALL tree delivered. You CAN join a friend and their family for Christmas, don’t people have guests over for holiday meals?? You are just creating barriers and extra pitty for yourself. Be happy for your parents and stop hanging on the “family Christmas” comments…

Drivingselfmad · 28/06/2026 10:25

Of course ynbu to feel sad. It sounds like there is more going on under the surface re family dynamics feeding into those feelings too. Equally, of course your parents are nbu to go to aus.

Could you put some of your savings each month (you’re lucky to save £600 per month, that’s fab) towards spending Xmas at a lovely spa like Ragdale Hall? There will be lots of people doing the same thing for a multitude of reasons, you wouldn’t be the only one alone. It would be something totally different, luxurious and special.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 28/06/2026 10:27

It's the kind of thing my parents would do too, so I really sympathise. Around here, there is a lunch put on by a local businessman for people who will be alone at Christmas. It's not a charity event for homeless or whatever, it's just a lunch organised for people who would otherwise spend it alone - single people, widowed, elderly and isolated etc. Maybe put your feelers out and see if something like that exists in your area?

And then work on becoming more emotionally independent from your parents, because it doesn't sound like you're a priority for them. You need to build emotional resilience (even though none of this is your fault 💜 )

Edited to add -- you could go economy class just for a week, travelling separately to your parents, but tbh I wouldn't bother as you'll feel like an afterthought after all this.

Onmytod24 · 28/06/2026 10:29

You’re only in your 20s and your texts red like a much older person. These are the precious years and to be so despondent. Maybe it’s a wake up call. You have tied yourself down with this deposit you’re saving for. So you’re going to buy a place and live there on your own it sounds like you’ll be more lonely than ever go and leave home move into a flat and share with some other people have a bit of fun and maybe buy a house later down the line when you have a partner.

Howdidlifegetsobusy · 28/06/2026 10:29

I understand feeling a bit hurt, but being honest you are taking it too far. You are an adult, and your parents have worked hard to be able to take the trips they want.

Christmas is a long way off yet, plan to spend it with friends or something you would like to do. I suspect if you didn’t still live at home it may not of hit so hard,

your other option is to go out for a shorter period, economy class, and ask you brother if you can stay with him?

doodledoodlebugbug · 28/06/2026 10:32

Yanbu and nor are they. Could you perhaps spend Christmas all together at a mid point (maybe somewhere in Asia) and then they go on to Australia with your brother? They sound well off so perhaps they could contribute towards your ticket as your Christmas gift?

Swanfeet · 28/06/2026 10:33

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:17

I’d feel a bit awkward crashing a friend’s Christmas, they’re all with their families.

Going isn’t an option, I only have 8 days of leave left. It’s not worth flying down there for that short period of time. It’s also not just airfare, it’s the associated costs - hotels etc., which are at a premium around Christmas.

I don’t want to sound harsh, but it’s starting to sound like you don’t want to find a solution. You have to choose to find happiness in life. So you either decide to spend some of your savings and have a short adventure and join in, or you make alternative plans for yourself. The third option is to feel sorry for yourself, have a sad Christmas and take the fun from theirs…it sounds like you’re on that path, there is plenty of time left for you to reframe this for yourself though.

Spaghettimonsta · 28/06/2026 10:33

Onmytod24 · 28/06/2026 10:29

You’re only in your 20s and your texts red like a much older person. These are the precious years and to be so despondent. Maybe it’s a wake up call. You have tied yourself down with this deposit you’re saving for. So you’re going to buy a place and live there on your own it sounds like you’ll be more lonely than ever go and leave home move into a flat and share with some other people have a bit of fun and maybe buy a house later down the line when you have a partner.

I agree with this. Of course buting a house is sensible, but youre in your 20s and this buying a house thing is stopping you from going on holiday, stopping you from renting your own place... Your parents dont even particularly value homeownership so where has this obsession come from?

Voneska · 28/06/2026 10:33

I'm sorry that you're sad; but this is one of The Milestones of ADULTHOOD - Where the meaning of Christmas changes ( for some) During my time in Work, as Community Careworker, I ve seen countless people left alone, snd ignored, by family at Christmas. I'm now included and it's the worst time of year, instead of the best. So that's ADULT Christmas , it can be a Nightmare But it's ADULT CHRISTMAS , and for a lot of Grown up women: it's THEM WHO PROVIDE CHRISTMAS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY- it's All work. Christmas goes from MAGIC to NIGHTMARE as we grow up. For ime it's a Nightmare

Casperroonie · 28/06/2026 10:39

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 15:11

I know and I fully understand that. But Christmas has always been about family for us. They’re saying that him going to Australia won’t stop them having a “family Christmas”, while one member of the family is left behind

Sorry but they sound horrible. It's understandable you feel like you do and I just hope you are able to get yourself sorted to have your own fulfilled life as soon as possible

Queenofthestonage · 28/06/2026 10:40

Hi OP I have 3 grown up children and know how difficult it is not to be able to see one of them at special times. I do think they are charging you a lot of rent considering they are not short of money. Do you think they would help you with the cost? Is there any possibility you could take some unpaid time off work? I know you want your own place but you also need to have a good life and make the most of opportunities to travel in your twenties x

MolkosTeenageAngst · 28/06/2026 10:41

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 18:19

All these “how will you cope alone” comments - I managed it for three years at university, so I think I’ll be just fine, thanks.

I’m not going to put a six foot tree up alone, am I. But I’m glad so many people have revelled in kicking me while I’m down.

You don’t have to buy a 6 foot tree. You can buy a smaller one. Or if you really don’t feel like you could manage a real one on your own then if you’re going to be living alone in the future maybe now would be a good time to invest in an artificial one which you can then keep for when you move into your own place.

Swanfeet · 28/06/2026 10:42

justalittlesad · 27/06/2026 18:30

Yes, how on earth will I live alone, because I as a 5 foot 3 woman can’t put up a 6 foot Christmas tree alone. However will I cope??

Christ, this is just getting silly. I’m 5’2”, I have a husband and children but I love Christmas more than him so every single year I put up and take down a 7 foot Christmas tree by myself. It is absolutely definitely possible. There are also many Christmas trees available under 6 foot. You are looking for problems. You are also being angry and rude to complete strangers on mumsnet because they are daring to disagree with you. You are now sounding like a toddler having a strop.

bloomingbonkerz · 28/06/2026 10:43

That is so rubbish for you and if you love Christmas I do it’s my favourite time of year and love being with family I wouldn’t dream of leaving a family member out it would really spoil it for me and it was your brothers choice to go so why are your parents picking him over you very unfair and I’d be upset and could never do that to one of my children they could go up before or after Christmas you are paying far to much rent in my opinion especially if they know you are saving for your own place can you talk to them or is the £600 per month financing their holidays

Housebashing · 28/06/2026 10:45

I would get yourself a working holiday Visa and I would go with them
You’ll fall in love with Australia you young enough to get yourself permanent residency over there. They give so many more subsidies and helping hands to young people to get on the Property ladder in Australia and it’s actually doable on a single income.
I realise that this was not on your bingo card but there’s no reason why it can’t be the best thing that ever happens to your whole family

Dogmum74 · 28/06/2026 10:46

You are in your 20’s not a baby. Spend Xmas with friends. Ir use some of your savings to go. This is called adulting

Dogmum74 · 28/06/2026 10:46

TFImBackIn · 27/06/2026 15:01

I really feel for you! I can't imagine doing that to my daughter.

Are you hoping to buy on your own? That must be a real struggle, financially, even if you are able to save at home.

But you can imagine doing it to your son and not seeing him?

Dogmum74 · 28/06/2026 10:47

Mischance · 27/06/2026 15:05

Oh .... that is a bit tough. If they are going for that length of time they could have stayed home to have Christmas with you and set off to Australia later.
I am sorry that your needs and feelings have been sidelined.
Could you volunteer somewhere on Christmas Day? A lot of churches serve Christmas lunches for the homeless.

Are you not sorry that if they did that the son may be alone?

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