To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

YANBU to feel sad - you feel how you feel and that’s ok.

I do think you’re being a bit over sensitive though. However, you’ve only been told today so you need time to get used to the idea.

If it was me, I’d be asking work for some additional leave if possible and spend the savings and go. You’re young, it may be the only opportunity to do this. But then, I have never really taken the most sensible option and would rather have the experience! Savings can be built back up again.

I didn’t know real trees came in parts

Why do they charge so much? I'd never take a third for a monthly wage from a dc. Wtf is wrong with them when they can afford flights to aus! I mean obviously that's why if they're raking in 7k a year from you.

What's your relationship like with them normally, are they nice and supportive is this a blip?

It’s usually really lovely. We go out for a meal on Christmas Eve to kick off the weekend. When my grandparents were alive we used to go and see them, but now they’ve died we do a lovely buffet breakfast. We rotate it each year as to who does it, each of us tries something new (usually something from a different country). My brother and dad then do whatever as my mum and I prep the dinner. We have a great time doing this - we have a couple of drinks, sing Christmas songs, just have a wonderful time. We sit down to dinner, then do presents, sit and watch doctor who and telly before bed. Then Boxing Day is a lovely long walk and lots of leftovers. I really love it, it’s a lovely time and one I’ve come to cherish as family members have died etc.

Why would the OP be a troll? I’m curious as to what your thought process is regarding that.

Good for your friend! 🥇 However, if she was self pitying she would be bloody in her right to do so! Also, you don’t know what she’s truly feeling inside. You only know what she’s choosing to tell you.

And perhaps the OP would actually want to spend her Christmas with her family, not somebody else’s family or completely alone. She’s completely valid to feel upset.

Is the issue here letting go of childhood nostalgia and understanding that Christmas won't always be the same.
Surely at some point you would have to experience Christmas differently as an adult.

You have plenty of time to now start planning, so turn it around and do something different. Start your own traditions.

OP I totally understand your feelings of disappointment and rejection. Obviously this was all a shock to you and it doesn't seem like much thought was given to your feelings. I think in time you will be able to plan other nice things. I am sure that one of your friend's families would be happy to host you. You could invite a friend to help you decorate a tree

That sounds lovely. BUT, just because things have been the same for a few years doesn't mean that they still have to be the same going forward. That's something I've realised over the years and it can make you feel a bit sad at times. However, that's life and it seems as if this Christmas will involve some changes in your family.

You really need to develop some resilience and pride and make this Christmas work for you. It won't be the same, but it can still be good and you will come out of it all feeling stronger. (And you CAN get a small real tree. Really!)

If your brother had reduced rent to save for going travelling, tell your parents you're now saving to go travelling for the next 6 months and hopefully you'll get a reduced rate too 👍 makes the holiday affordable then.

(BTW I really don't think you'll need £5k for this holiday! Air bnbs are cheap.)

You don't need to constantly save for a house. Most people in their 20s are enjoying their youth rather than saving.

Anyone suggesting you’re just being difficult by choosing not to use your 8 days holiday to fly to Australia has either never left the town they grew up in or is just monumentally stupid. No sane person is spending hard earned house savings to fly to Australia and back in 8 days, which would probably equate to 5 days actively in Australia, at least one of which you’ll be jet lagged for. Dumb.

I feel for you OP. You’re quite within your rights to feel upset about how they are not thinking of your feelings. I suspect they’re just very excited about a big trip. Hopefully they’ll get over it soon and acknowledge the impact on you too. You absolutely should ask friends to join though. A true friend and their family would welcome you if they can.

You need to reframe the whole thing. They’re having an extraordinary Christmas down under, you should have an extraordinary Christmas at home.
Volunteer, travel, do something DIFFERENT!
Then you can all come together afterwards and share stories.

This isn’t forever. Don’t make a meal of it.
Put on your big girl pants.

Aww what a shame OP. A bit shocked your parents charge you rent. That's a bit off. I ended up Xmas alone last year. Was a bit upset. Just think of the joy of owning your own home down the line. I take it for granted owning my own home now. You've just made me appreciate it more 😯

That’s a huge amount of rent for living at home and you pay food on top ? I’d be moving out. If you rented a room you’d be the same financially. Unless they’re secretly saving it for you?

Or they are treating your brother very ‘favourably’ compared to you.

And £600 a month to live in their house? When they have no financial issues?
That’s shit I’m sorry.
im sure you could find a nice houseshare at a lower price (from what my own children pay)

Gently @justalittlesad i suspect your sadness has nothing yo do with Christmas but everything to do with your brother ‘bring chosen’ over you again. Just like he got a ‘discounted rent’ for going away etc…
And it says NOTHING about your worth.

I seem in the minority but really don't see the big deal here? It sounds like they're planning a fab trip. You're not going because you are choosing to save instead. Why begrudge them the trip?

Maybe my view is skewed because my parents are in poor health and I'd so love to see them travel but they never will again (dementia, cancer).

Just do a substitute Xmas day with them the day before they leave, with all the same food / gifts as usual.

Have you spoken to them about how you feel?

E.g. 'I'm really pleased you're able to go and spend Christmas with brother as I'm sure he will appreciate it in his new home. However, it's hurt my feelings a little when you keep talking about the 'family Christmas' you're going to have as I'm going to be here alone and it's making me feel like you don't consider me a part of the family.

They may not even realise they are doing it.

It’s thoughtless of them to say they’re still having a “family Christmas” when you won’t be there.

maybe they’re just caught up in the excitement of having an “excuse” to go to Australia for Christmas and haven’t thought about everything else around it.

but I do think it’s a bit shit, but there’s also not much you can do about it

Their phrasing is very very odd. Are they usually odd people?

We have always welcomed other people to share Christmas Day with us, including our children's friends. Talk to your close friends, or come to ours.
Talk to your Aunts and Uncles and start getting closer.
volunteer or book a Tinsel and Turkey break but be ready to make the effort to talk to people. Make sure that you are going to have a great time.

No one is saying you’re ripping them off or exploiting them but things like gym and savings count as disposable income.

Everyone has things like rent and a car to run but they also have other bills on top too.

You are living very cheaply compared to people who have to run their own homes.

So I was responding to a poster who said that they should pay for your flights.

You can afford to pay for your own flights whether you choose to or not (I personally wouldn’t) and so I don’t think your parents should pay for you as some are suggesting.

Real tress don’t come in parts but you obviously don’t need to be the same size as the tree to put it up.

Artificial trees can come in parts.

OP’s attitude to saving and buying a house, indicate to me that she is the opposite of immature.

Does your brother even want them there for 2 months?

It's all been decided today so I wouldn't be surprised if plans changed or got cancelled anyway

And a positive is you are now free to do Christmas however you want in the future without guilt. I'd like to go to Italy or lapland one year, I got disinvited from Christmas during Covid, so I am free to do whatever I want lol

It sounds like the real issue is you feel like you're not as important to your parents. That's really hard OP. I would use this as motivation to build your own life, keep working towards getting a house, spend time with friends, try meet a partner if you want one. I would maybe even ask if your £600 could be reduced because its very high if they're ok financially.

Your 24? You could meet a nice man or woman in the 6 months prior and spend Christmas with them if it works out.
I was due to spend Christmas alone a couple years ago, mum away and my kids with their dad. I was dreading it. Ended up drinking Buck’s Fizz with my partner on Christmas morning and having dinner with his family. Life is what you make it.

Why have you planned out the next six months for the OP in such ridiculous detail, right down to her having "luxury pizza" for Christmas "lunch"? 🤣😂🙄