To feel sad about this?

[justalittlesad]

I’m in my 20s and live at home. I don’t earn a ton, but what I do earn goes into savings for a house.

My brother has just announced he’s leaving to Australia in September. My parents have gleefully announced that they will be travelling down to see him at Christmas.

We have no other family - it’s the four of us, my grandparents are dead and I am not particularly close with my aunts and uncles.

I can’t afford the airfare down to Australia. They’re talking about taking most of December and January down there. I can’t afford a hotel for that long, nor do I have the annual leave for it. When I asked what about me at Christmas, they shrugged their shoulders.

They’re looking at business or first class flights, but even the cheapest flights with 2 layovers are £1,400, which is basically my entire monthly salary.

I do understand it’s their choice, they’re adults and he’s an adult and it’s his decision to move. But AIBU to feel very sad at the thought of Christmas alone? I work up to December 24th and go back in between Christmas and new year, so it really will just be me. I’m really upset by it, because Christmas has always been my favourite time of year because of the family aspect.

AIBU? I feel like if I say anything I’ll be called selfish.

It sucks op, they're being very thoughtless wording things like that

But you don't need to get a full size tree! You can get 2/3/4ft ones, easy to put up, cheap to decorate too! You don't have to make it sad and grey, get yourself a wee tree, some nice food treats and a nice present and revel in having the TV, wine, chocolates and trifle all to yourself!

Assuming this is real and not a troll, it’s so frustrating to read.

Firstly it’s hard to believe ALL your friends have concrete plans with family with no spaces for meeting up 6 months in advance.

Go and do something!

I had a friend very recently and very suddenly widowed who isn’t as self pitying.

Good for your parents to go and enjoy themselves - use that spark and do something for yourself. Stop looking for problems and start looking for solutions. I don’t drive and always have a tree - get one delivered! you’ve got a house to yourself, invite people round for Xmas Eve, or arrange a Boxing Day walk. Give yourself a shake!

Look don't worry about the tree, you don't have decide what to do about a Christmas tree in June. Sit with your feelings for now OP.

But why does it have to be 6ft? (Plus you never said this in your original comment...only that you wouldn't be able to have a tree). And as others have said you get an artificial tree that you can manage (these come boxed and can even fit in my small car) and then you can take it with you and use when you do get your own home.

You are unfortunately coming across as immature.

Bearing in mind he’s not going until September and the OP’s financial situation and work commitments I think her parents could have been a little more considerate about their travel plans.
Some will probably argue that if they’d chosen not to go until after Christmas then their son would have been alone then rather than their daughter, but the OP’s brother is the one that has chosen to move so far away for 12 months and in so doing presumably assumed and was happy with the fact that he might not see family during that time.
I’m not saying for one minute that the OP’s parents shouldn’t take the opportunity to travel and spend their money as they want, but bearing in mind how family orientated their christmas’s have been in the past and their daughter has no close relatives to spend the time with it does seem pretty sh…y of them to leave her alone like this. All the more so when he will only have been away for 3 months.
It’s all very well saying that she has plenty of time to make plans for the day and it’s just another day etc etc but it isn’t really is it - it’s promoted as a family time and the OP is obviously someone who enjoys celebrating with family. This can’t have escaped her parent’s attention and for the sake of a few days I think they could have deferred their holiday plans so she wouldn’t be alone.

They’re saying that him going to Australia won’t stop them having a “family Christmas”, while one member of the family is left behind

@justalittlesad that stood out from your posts

Can I ask how your parents are treating your brother vs you?
Because he is only going there for 1 year so the ‘not stopping them having a family Christmas’ would be even more grating to me.

😢😢

I wonder if this post is what your sadness is really about - you feel like your brother is favoured maybe? Or that your brother and parents share an interest in travel and you feel like the odd one out?

A harsh reality of life is that adults aren't actually owed anything, so you have to live within your means. Your dp are allowed to spend their own money on themselves. I wonder if they see you as making a choice to prioritise your savings, so don't want to use their savings to subsidise you. That's not unreasonable I think.

It sounds like you are happy and confident in your choices, which is great. But, you have to live with the consequences too. I wouldn't spend that much on a short holiday either, but making that choice you have to cope with staying at home.

I don't understand the tree concern. Of course you can put a tree up yourself, I have many times. And of course you can fit a tree in even a small car, because you can get a smaller tree if you need. Head over to the Christmas board if you need practical advice in any aspect of Christmas prep you haven't had to do before!

You also said...

In the nicest possible way, grow up, OP

That's really helpful 👍

In the nicest possible way, stop being a knob.

I had a solo Christmas last year and didn't once moan about it or think I'd have to sit in a cold, dark room without a Christmas tree.

@Letsgetonwithit ive had quite a few Christmas on my own because my parehts were living overseas and my more or less all my family has decided to move abroad 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️, I was about tge OP’s age too

And you know what? Christmas was hard. There was this lingering feeling of sadness, of being left behind.
Did I ‘get on with it’? well yes of course I did.
I still didn’t have a Christmas tree (couldn’t see the point) or a Christmas meal (no way I was going to cook a Christmas meal just for one.)
It was a day like all the others, whilst being aware most people were with family, likeky enjoying themselves.
The OP is sad. She is entitled to feel sad and unhappy about it.

You're attitude is also 'cunty' but perhaps you can't see that. Please don't respond to me again.

I’ve been on my own a couple of Christmases and I’ve worked quite a few. It’s just a day.

But OP is an adult working FT, has no children, no major outgoings and living cheaply.

Chances are she’s got more disposable income than her parents do.

At what age do you stop paying for your adult children.

I don’t think they should feel guilty for having an amazing experience and paying extra to ensure they’re not miserable for hours in the air.

I was with your parents until you said they were looking at business or first class flights. I have a daughter who lives in Australia, so I know how prohibitively expensive these are. It looks like your parents are happy to spend tens of thousands of pounds on luxury travel but are not willing to pay for your travel. I can understand why you're upset.

Personally, whenever we go visit our daughter, we always offer to pay the fare for our other two adult children. We are not rich and could never afford business or first class, but would help them out because we want to spend time together as a family.

”living cheaply”

I bring in just over £1800 a month.

£600 goes straight to them.

£150 a month goes to running my car (so I can get to work)

£300 a month goes to food and the gym.

of the £750 left I allow myself to spend £150 a month on other things, and £600 goes straight to savings.

My parents retired five years ago and live very, very comfortably. They travel a lot. They have a lot more disposable income than me. And more power to them, but don’t act like I’m ripping them off and exploiting some poor little old dears.

To be honest the more they talk the less I feel like I’m part of the family and more I feel like I’m this huge disappointment

I was home alone one year. I knew in advance that would be the case.
DP was away and it’s also my birthday.

i was sad and miserable in the run up and felt very sorry for myself.
Then I thought fuck this. It’s what I make it.
I got Chinese food from the supermarket and stuffed myself on Christmas Day. I then got tipsy and did all my favourite selfish things.

IT WAS BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!!!!

Would do again in a heartbeat!
Best Christmas ever

OP, when you get your own house, will you expect your mum and dad and your brother to spend it at your (hopefully warm, non-cold) house?

How will you get a six foot real Christmas tree delivered to your new house? I hope you're factoring in this extra cost into your savings?

Have you spent every Christmas with your parents? Never seeing a partner's parents on the big day? How would you factor this in, if you have a partner now or in the future?

You’re getting a hard time. Your parents are favouring your brother. It’s clear as day to me. I would never ever ever leave my child at home to jet off to see my other child at Christmas. I have an adult child and younger ones. I treat them the same. I love them the same.

Get out op. Your own place. Your own control. You may start to see more of the same patterns in their behaviour when you get some distance. You’d be very welcome on the stately homes thread on relationships.

Well you are moving out anyway. You will be living on your own. Not with your parents. They might decide to go away every year from now on.

It’s probably wrong for me to comment because Christmas is not a big deal at all in our house so this would not bother me, however my good friend is OBSESSED with Christmas and family and everything that surrounds it so this would devastate her too. She is in her 40s and if her parents said they were going abroad for Christmas she would go MAD. She would definitely go with them though, feck the savings.

I completely understand why you're upset, I would feel exactly the same. And for those posters saying why should your brother be the one to be alone at Christmas, if you choose to move to the other side of the world then you have to accept you won't see family as often. The onus is not on the people left behind to come to you.
I'm sorry this has happened and it does sound like your parents favour your brother.

What is Christmas usually like in your house?

When will you have enough saved to move out?

If you are paying your parents so much then why not move out and rent somewhere in a house share?

I’m not sure if this is sarcasm??

Im 5”3 and I put up a 7ft tree on my own.., you know they come in parts that you just fit together and you can stand on a chair if you need to….