Disillusioned when earning 150k

[Littlezonedout]

I know these threads cause trouble, but this is how I feel. I can’t help but wonder when does the merry go round stop. It is worth it waking up crack of dawn, kids to breakfast club, nursery, after school club, run home, make dinner, bed, bath. Glass of wine because I’m exhausted.
if I stayed at home I’d save 20k on commuting, wraparound childcare, cleaner, gardener, etc.
fine, I can afford a house, but the maintenance, the upkeep, the bills.
not sure why I’m ranting. Know I’ll get pulled to
pieces. Just exhausted

What you are discovering is that there is more to life than money. If you are unhappy, your salary is irrelevant. Can you imagine carrying on like that for years, retiring an exhausted mess and wishing you'd spent more time doing things you love, seeing your kids more etc.

We are sold the dream of big salary, big house, fancy car & holidays. Its all shite. You are a long time dead.

I bought a small house, paid off mortgage within 8 years, went self employed. Earn £100/hour but only do 2-3 projects a year. Spend most days doing gardening, walking and with the offspring. Work.... bollocks to that.

Ooh look, another “I should be at home with the kids” thread.

Do it. Or don’t. Whatever works for you.

It’s also unbelievable how many boomer estates are in the millions off the back of very mediocre and average paying jobs.

There are two reasons for that - property price inflation and compound interest. If savings have been constantly added to and shrewdly invested for 50 years it isn’t really unbelievable at all.

Like it or not you are in a priviledged position and you do have choices. You are choosing that lifestyle, it is not working change it.

They won't care. In fact they'd prefer a happy and present mother.

Yes- this!

“You’re building wealth and living a privileged life and don’t appear to realise it - zeroing in on your tax bill and feeling resentful you’re not able to build more wealth than you already are is wild.”

I think you need to reframe your thinking OP. You need a reality check as you don’t know how much of a good position you are in, quickly building your net wealth and on the road to financial freedom, while still being able to afford hired help.

If you had a £35k job that is not close to home, you’d probably have less stress and fewer hours, but would still need childcare and you wouldn’t be able to afford hired help or any holidays. You would not be building net wealth quickly and you would have less options and be tied to salaried work longer.

This period doesn’t last and it gets easier I promise. I was commuting to London from far away several times a week when kids in nursery . I get it. But looking back now I’m sooooo glad I stuck it out because I have quite a cushy life now. I’m building net wealth, my kids are doing great and we get on really well.

You also need to prioritise health. And this includes getting in the best position in case you can’t work.

I think you need to reframe your attitude and also think about your future self.

It might not help but my advice would be do not give up your well-paid job. I had to stop work in my early 50’s due to ill health. I’ve volunteered for charities and honestly seen worse behaviours from paid staff in the charity sector than I did in 30 years of banking.

getting paid less does not always mean less stress. It will just be a different sort of stress.

you are probably valued in the role you do, your opinions and expertise will be listened to.

Although you say there is presenteeism, I bet during your working day you have quite a lot of autonomy and control over how you do your work. If you go for a coffee with a colleague no-one will be checking how long you’ve been away from your desk?

you will be working with other people with a certain level of intelligence especially if your role is data related.

it’s easy to underestimate these things if you have never worked at a lower level in different types of organisations.

This exactly. I earn the same as the OP - growing up I thought that it would mean I would be rich, and afford anything I could possibly want!

But I would say after all the tax (and I am so lucky I have no need for childcare any more so I don't have to worry about that tax trap), that whilst I am certainly comfortable and am not counting the pennies at month end as I used to in my first job, I do not in any way feel as rich as 18 year old me thought that I would, earning this amount of money.

I would focus on the longer term outlook - can you get a nanny instead of nursery? Can you load your pension to reduce tax? With that loaded pension can you retire early? Can you start to feed JISAs for the children? And yes, the tax disincentives to work between £100k and £140k won't be understood by most (and are a very first world problem compared to those who struggle on minimum wage and higher to make ends meet each month), but they are real, and driving behaviour, certainly at the £95k area where childcare is involved.

Andy Burnham’s potential land tax will be the straw that breaks this camels back. We will definitely sell up and work remotely and earn vastly less - pay shit loads less tax. What’s the point in hustling if you end up with so little to show for it and no time with your family. Which was the whole reason to hustle so hard in the first place. Labour won’t be happy until they’ve pulverised growth.

Sometimes you have to take a chance in life to get what you want. I know its scary and it may not work out but when your on your death bed its the chances you didn't take that you regret.

Your net household income will be higher than the vast majority of UK families. This will be the case even when tax and benefits are taken into account. Money gives you some choices and experiences. You can afford a more expensive house. You can afford help like a cleaner. You can live in an area with low crime and good schools. You will have an appreciating asset you can pass on to your children. These are good things that many others don’t have.
There are also undoubtedly stresses. You find your job difficult at sometimes. It isn’t flexible. These stresses exist for all families with two FT working parents. With a lower salary you would be less able to afford help or a higher mortgage etc. However, part-time would bring more flexibility.
Only you can decide if it is worth it. You have to do the cost benefit analysis. You could move into a part-time role. It may be less senior. It will be a lower salary. Different people value different things. Our household income is way below yours, but I think I have a good life. That isn’t dissing people who aim for greater financial rewards, but there always choices. You aren’t trapped. You can change things, but you need to decide if you want to.

Yep. My boomer dad was a window cleaner and did other manual jobs. He worked bloody hard and is now enjoying a lovely retirement in his beautiful home. My mum worked part time in shops. Their estate would be worth £2 million plus. They were frugal and sensible and climbed the housing ladder. Never paid for anything unecessary, like paid parking, coffees, bought sandwiches. Had no savings. They made sacrifices to invest. I’m very proud of them as my dad left education as a young teen.

Meanwhile a family friend worked in the city in finance and bought a Ferrari, ate out in fancy restaurants, went to shows in London and long haul holidays. They died with a very small house as they had to keep downsizing to release equity.

My dad earned peanuts but invested well in property, pension and stocks. The other earned a high salary and lived the high life.
So my dad deserves it. The same could be done today with hard work, frugality and dedication like my dad showed.

The problem with living frugally is that I would include washing my own windows as living frugally so therefore your dad would not have had a job and money to invest in the first place.

How do you like those apples?

Window cleaners are like rocking horse shit round here. They’re turning down work.

Great good for them
But if I was living frugally as the Saint that was her father, I wouldn’t be paying for window cleaners
Just like they weren’t paying for sandwiches or parking or all the other things that keep the capitalist wheels turning and allow for Housing ladder climbs and investments in pensions

Nobody would deny that housing costs have risen in relation to income. The older generation got better housing for their money. Higher mortgages & rents in relation to income is the biggest factor in the squeeze on disposable income.
However, people with a very high income like the OP are still best placed compared to other people of their age. You have more financial housing options on 150k than 45k. Working a FT 45k job can still be very stressful. Income & stress are not directly correlated.

You should do something about that bitterness.

I don’t see the bitterness? She’s making a valid point. It everybody lived frugally as her dad suggested her dad would have had no work.

And it isn’t a pressure of a 150k salary either…it’s the pressure of the giant mortgage they get because the salary affords it, until they realise that they are trapped and can’t get away from the job they hate because they can’t afford their mortgage without it.

When people start earning higher amounts one of the first things they do is move house and then they’re in the exact same position as they were before. My household income went from 50 to 100k over the space of a couple of years…I could have moved house and gone from a mortgage of 500 to 1500 a month, but then how would that make me any more comfortable. Instead I take time for myself, holidays, enjoy what I have instead of forcing myself to chase down more and more to have the biggest house and swankiest car etc.

High salaries aren’t the issue, spending your high salary to the max is!

Maybe frugal people make their savings elsewhere.

@Cakeandslippers Both - to be earning that kind of salary you’re being paid for your experience and to make strategic decisions or have a very particular skill that is rare. (Or you’re good at sales).

Some people aren’t motivated by money, others are. But (speaking for myself) taking home that kind of money means the expectations set on you are incredibly high. Particularly in this economy.

Yes I’m being paid for a skill that I’ve worked bloody hard at - but that doesn’t mean I stop being valuable at 5pm.

Your performance needs to be at 100% at all times, and the decisions you make have big impact. So there’s business calls while abroad on holiday, travel, last minute meetings. My team members, earning approx half, are still on decent salaries, but they won’t be the ones losing sleep when I’m up at 10pm running a due diligence on a timeline set by someone else.

It’s horses for courses innit?

My dad grew up poor, was determined to achieve so made the necessary sacrifices to get where he wanted.

Family friend could have done the same, while being able to pay for parking, sandwiches and foreign holidays etc. but he wanted more and lived the high life for 10 years… then had little to show for it.

There is no right choice. But all choices have consequences.

I choose not to be frugal, but I have that choice because I’m on a high salary. But I don’t choose a luxury lifestyle as is rather investing for mine and kids future.

How have you found the return to work if you have returned now? I mean the employability aspect

How have you found the return to work if you have returned now? I mean the employability aspect

What does your partner make and what is your total HHI?
I'd be trying to go part time in your case. It's no life constantly chasing your tail. I you have to downsize to afford it, I would.