AIBU to say no to my teenage daughter?

[NoTeaForMe]

My 15 year old DD wants to go to the beach tomorrow with a few friends (school is closed due to the heatwave). It’s around 1hr 15mins away by train and they want to stay all day. Trying to give bare minimum facts, what would you say?

It’s not about allowing teens to go out alone, it’s about teens going to the beach in a heatwave, when they have little to no experience of how to stay safe in extreme weather conditions.

We’ve all been told not to travel by train unless it’s essential. Schools are closed to prevent children getting heatstroke. So I think it’d be irresponsible for anyone to travel on a train to a beach today.

I had a similar situation with dd a few days ago. She was going to a lake (with a lifeguard) during the red weather warning. They got a bus. I wasn't keen on them going but they went & drank loads of water & stayed in the shade where possible

I would say yes.

I wouldnt due to the heat wave there is a red weather warning.

However when its cooler yes at 15 I would allow that.

This is a really tricky one as I would also be sad she was missing out.

I would be worried thou lots of recent stories of teenagers getting into trouble in the water worry me and the fact she’s one hour 15 away, how far would that be driving? I think it would be really different if it was a 5 min away beach

Just a thought about the school day observation by @spstchmu.

I'd be surprised if school management had not insisted work for the closure be set online, to make sure the fucking lazy teachers don't put their feet up ensure continuity of learning.

I wouldn't have a problem with thia. Make sure she knows to reapply suncream generously and frequently. Perhaps insist she keeps her location on,.on her phone if that's a concern.

I was ridiculously sensible and independent as a teenager and genuinely didn't do stupid things. I was always completely open and honest with my parents. They gave me a lot of space to grow and guidance in how to do that. I trusted their judgment but they would always provide explanations for their decisions. In fact, in emergency situations, on a couple of occasions, I was the one to take the lead ahead of adults around me. As for peer pressure, I didn't give two hoots about that.

I would say no- the trains are likely to be cancelled/delayed, and did you see about the broken down one in 37degree heat. Would be a hard no from me

This.

I often think people look at the past through rose-tinted spectacles and are ignorant to previous dangers, just because they survived.

That said, I have a real concern about things going too far the other way and children / teens not being given independence so that they can learn and be guided prior to hitting adulthood. My parents were really keen to give my sibling and I independence so that we could grow up being confident and informed. I see, now, people having trackers on their phones, not being allowed out, no sleepovers etc and I worry about how much anxiety that must cause. It's over the top.

Yes, things can go wrong. The risk will always exist but it's minimal. But making your children feel danger when going about their every day life is such an oppressive and anxiety-inducing way to live. Freedom is invaluable, especially for mental wellbeing.

When I see what young adults are now afraid to do, compared to what I was doing as a young teen, I just see damage. And it's their parents' fault.

Sorry. Rant over.

Except the public health guidance to stay out of the heat from 11-3, the appeal not to put a strain on our health services and the French government saying young people are at risk too?

Some absolute whacked out people on this post.
especially the “you’re on my watch list” lady. Alright, calm down home office.

Op, it’s so difficult isn’t it? I have a 17 year old who likes to go to the nearest massive city to go to art exhibitions, all reasonably safe for a teen to do, but I’m her mum, and I worry endlessly about not really her but other people she may come across I guess.
I would be very uncomfortable letting my 15 year old go to a beach with friends in this heat, like you’ve said, they prob won’t think to drink water, replace sun cream and the dangers of open water on top of that

Thank you for all your comments. I do think a few of them have ignored my concerns and decided I’m some over protective mother. Those saying you live near the beach and you’d let your child so IBU that’s not like for like. For a start your child is much more likely to be confident and used to the sea etc. They also don’t need to travel like my DD would or be there for the whole day.

I’ve stuck to my guns and said no. But to be clear -

IF we lived closer and I could drop her off for the afternoon she could go today.

Or IF it was 10 degrees cooler she could go and spend the day there.

Don’t get me wrong I’d want her to check in occasionally but I do agree she needs independence.

I hate that she’s missing out and that they’ve gone without her - looks like we’re the only ones who have said no hence me asking on here to double check my thinking! - but I’d rather that and her be safe.

I think you have done exactly the right thing

Are most MNers not aware of the warning against non-essential rail travel, or do they just not give a shit?

You've done the right thing OP. It's an exceptional circumstance today, and there will be other beac trips fot DD.

Absolutely! My DD is off school today, she came home on the train from school yesterday very ill from the heat. You’ve done the right thing keeping her at home and away from the beach today.

We’ve closed all blinds to keep the sun out and put on the AC unit. It’s lovely. It would be mad to spend all day in the sun today - I hope your DD friends are wearing hats at least!

Is she a good swimmer or avoid the water altogether? I’d let her go.
My DD is 17, she’s very behind, wouldn’t go into the water, she went with friends yesterday. I was on my nerves about her, not her but other people as her friends are geeky too, easy targets. She was fine, no trouble on the beach.

I think it's such a shame for your daughter. At 10 degrees cooler the sea in England is freezing, plus it's always windy at the beach, so feels much cooler than in the city. I think you made the wrong call.

Yes it feels cooler at the beach, but you burn just the same, suffer sunstroke just the same .. then may not be able to get your train back because it’s cancelled due to the heat. The red weather warning is there for a reason. Schools closed for a reason. Essential rail travel only for a reason.

So a 15-year-old can't put on sunscreen or a hat? 🙄 So much catastrophising on this thread. It's normal beach weather.

Only it’s not is it. A 1 hour 15 min journey on a stifling train that is not guaranteed to run due to the extreme heat. Outside all day in extreme heat that we’ve been advised to stay away from, that we’re not used to. Then a possibility of not getting back home on said stifling train, because actually, the extreme weather has caused massive issues and disruption 🤔

All comes down to how sensible she (and her friends) are. At 16 I was on holiday with a big bunch of girls by the sea for a week on our own and at 17 I interrailed solo. Allowing some independence is a good thing.

It is a shame for her, I agree, I feel bad for her and she’s not happy today, but at 38 degrees I still feel it’s unsafe to be out all day. For anyone, her age adds to it because I’m not convinced she’d drink water, find shade or replace sun cream enough.

she is a confident swimmer, but has only swum in the sea a handful of times so that’s a totally different thing in my eyes.

10 degrees cooler would be 28 degrees - we’d count that as a hot day in the uk under normal circumstances! But ok, say 8 degrees cooler that would be 30. I feel that’s getting a bit nitpicky. At the end of the day it’s so hot here we have a red weather warning and are advised against non essential travel.

Well done OP, very sensible decision. I don’t know what her friend’s parents are thinking to let them go.

Think you've made the right decision OP. Your job is to keep her as safe as possible (without wrapping her in cotton wool of course).
Of course she would say that all of her friends are going but without checking you can't be sure.
Her friends will say they had a fantastic time even if they were miserable in this heat. Bet the hot train journey alone will be uncomfortable to say the least. Point out to her how hot it is indoors and on a beach without any shade in the direct sun, it will be even hotter. If she'd gone and come back with serious sunburn, you'd never have forgiven yourself.
She'll get over it.