AIBU to say no to my teenage daughter?

[NoTeaForMe]

My 15 year old DD wants to go to the beach tomorrow with a few friends (school is closed due to the heatwave). It’s around 1hr 15mins away by train and they want to stay all day. Trying to give bare minimum facts, what would you say?

It would be a no from me. 1 hour 15 mins on a stifling train that may or may not be running, then may or may not bring her back. A full day in the sun, no shade, little suncream, not enough water. No. I can’t see many 15 year olds being as sensible as they’d need to be in this current heatwave.

I think let her go! Just say yes that’s fine but just make sure you’ve got good train tickets so you can get refunded etc if they cancel due to the heat and you get stuck on a 3h bus journey instead

and then if her day goes to shit because of the trains just smile and say ah well at least you can get a refund!

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst

I’m genuinely interested why you give this answer, no judgement just would like to know your reason for this answer. I’m a DM of adult children so may be out of touch

I live in a seaside town and my kids have grown up at the beach and in the sea. I'd still be concerned about an unsupervised group of 15 year olds on an extremely hot day. Their age is absolutely relevant. It's proven that teens have an invincibility complex and take more risks when in groups. Completely different from a sensible adult who can take a decision to seek shade, use sunscreen, stay hydrated, use the sea carefully etc.

All of this is exacerbated by this being teens who may not have a lot of experience in the sea.

Paddleboards and inflatables can be treacherous as it's easy to get pulled away from the coast by the current (even when it looks calm). Our lifeboats are frequently out rescuing people who've been swept out.

Swimming in waves is completely different from swimming in a pool. The sea can be deeper or shallower than you expect when jumping in off a groyne or jetty.

The fact that there's a breeze makes it feel cooler, which makes you less inclined to reapply suncream but doesn't stop you getting burnt.

15 year olds generally have very little sense when it comes to drinking alcohol. Drinking will make them more likely to indulge in risky behaviour, plus more likely to get dehydrated. Friends of mine who live right on the beach frequently need to call an ambulance for poorly teens during the summer.

'She'll learn from experiencing independence' is no use if she dies or becomes seriously unwell or injured in the process.

Umm. I would say yes. Can cool off in the sea. Beach is perfect place to be on a hot day.

Kids don't see the dangers, they think this heatwave is exciting and new. Of course they want to go to the seaside. God knows we have enough shite weather in the UK so it's nice to enjoy the good stuff while it lasts. I'd let them go, slather them in suncream before they leave, make sure mobiles are charged etc.

Wow…it’s literally in the first couple of lines 🤦‍♀️

This is strange to me to be worried about it. 15 is quite old and an hour is fine - most local buses near me take an hour to get anywhere. I went to London (2 hours away) with a friend at 13 for the day and were perfectly fine. I'm in my 30s now but has parenting changed that much since the 00s??

I live near the coast and we went to the beach all the time on our own from early teens.

I'd say "be careful, drink water, don't stay in the sun too long."

I'd probably try to encourage them to go later in the day.

Teenagers aren't adults no matter how sensible you think they are or how well they have been brought up they can still make dumb decisions. Think back to some of the stuff you did as a teenager. It doesn't mean you wasn't brought up well it means you where learning, your frontal lobe wasn't developed yet and add peer pressure to that teenagers will make mistakes. When a teenager dies is your first thought they wasn't brought up well? If you think your teenagers are perfect and never make dumb decisions it probably means their just better at hiding them from you
.

I would only worry about her getting burned, nothing else, though I think Saturday is a bit more normal temps in most places. DDs definitely went to Hastings with their mates for the day on the train at that age, and they were also allowed to go to London for the day or Bluewater. I used to go to Manchester with my friend from 14 for the day and it was pretty dodgy around Piccadilly/what is now the Northern Quarter in the late 1980s. 15 is definitely old enough unless they are particularly vulnerable in some way.

Can't you see how its quite different for kids who grew up on the beach and understand sea safety to a child who has probably been a handful of times in their whole life

If you were speaking of a 5 year old I would agree but growing up on a beach itself will not protect anyone 100% but if they can't keep themself as safe as a normal adult can do at a beach at 15 yes that is a parenting fail

We were at the the beach this week. You couldn't feel the heat at all as it was breezy. It's always cooler by the water

My DD went in half term with her friends - similar journey bus and then hours train. They were all 14/15.

That was a day set to be 26/27. I was very apprehensive and gave a long list of rules. She managed to come home without losing or burning anything.

that said I would have said no at the heat it is this week.

So are you saying parents of teens who have died in the sea have failed as parents. What a disgusting thing to say.

He was 16, no they went alone. She was 16 a week after they got back. It was post GCSEs holiday. DS did the same, I went inter-railing for a month when I was 16. They'd been together 2 years and showed a meticulous plan and had a great time.

No I am saying if a 15 year old cant be trusted to go to a beach yes that is a parenting fail

No beach is safe 100% of the time for anyone young or old but at 15 if they cant cope something has failed

You seem to not be able to differentiate between a teenager and an adult. Teens can absolutely be sensible but they will still make dumb decisions. Was you a perfect teenager or do you look back and think I can't believe i did that

Anyone banging on about how it’s hotter on holiday is having a laugh. That’s completely different. No one visits the UK in the colder months for “a cheap week in the sun” as it’s not consistently this hot (although thanks to climate change it’s getting there). Those hotter countries are far better prepared for the heat. I’ve not seen parasols on Dorset beaches, yet in Mallorca they’re everywhere as beaching is a year-round activity. Everything is far better designed for those temperatures. There’s always a bar nearby, tiled floors, white buildings, air con, and the standard attire is a bikini and a sarong. That isn’t the UK. Our transport struggles, everyone flocks to the beach so it’s too crowded for any lifeguards to effectively do their jobs, unless you live by the sea then you perhaps lack awareness of the dangers, the sea isn’t as warm as we don’t consistently have this heat, it’s all just a recipe for disaster. The amount of deaths every year would put me off sending her to the beach. Yes you’re having to be that killjoy parent but someone needs to be.

At what age do you let your teens out on their own? During the hot summer of 76 me (16) and boyfriend (19) went camping for 2 weeks in Cornwall, a 5 hour drive away. Almost all my year group were off out and about with little or no parental supervision, other than a time to be back and “have you got some money for a phone call?”
A week past 16 by DH started work and was expected to get there on his own on time at 8.00. His mum didn’t hold his hand on the bus in case he got lost or phone work to complain it was too hot (started work in August).
Are modern teens really so useless that they need this much mollycoddling?
—dons hard hat—

I live in a country with the second highest melanoma death rate in the world. Sunblock is not enough and most people don't use anywhere enough. You really need a hat and shade too. You won't have full coverage in all likelihood and on top of that the sweating and the sea will reduce the protection further. If you are very light skinned, ie Celtic white, a full day at beach in a heatwave is a particularly bad idea.

A) not in my area.

B) so what? She’s young, let her have fun.

OP, YABU.

Why would I have to have been perfect to have parents who taught me what I needed to do at a beach at 15? and trusted my judgement at 15

I would. My daughter, at 15, had a small group of deliciously nerdy, quirky friends and I trusted each and every one of them to remember sun screen, not drink the train fare home etc. They had many such adventures.