to ask my neighbour to bring her laundry in?

[Lookingback01]

I've name changed for this because I feel a bit silly to be posting, but it's driving me crazy so I need some advice.

We live in a new build next door to another couple who recently moved in. Our gardens are pretty close together and only really separated by a small fence that we can easily see over when standing.

We're all mid-thirties and they're a nice enough couple, are polite and friendly, keep themselves to themselves and are pretty quiet, so no problems there.

The issue I'm having is that the woman is objectively beautiful, very toned, slim, etc. Today she's obviously taking full advantage of the lovely weather we're having here and has decided to hang her underwear out on the line to dry. When I say underwear, I'm not talking about the simple black briefs and maternity bras that I'm currently wearing, but beautiful skimpy Victoria's Secret type stuff.

I don't know if it's my hormones or what the issue is, but this is making me feel so jealous because I keep thinking that my DH is looking at her underwear and will start to fancy her, if he doesn't already.

I was thinking that I could write her a small, friendly note just asking if she would mind bringing them inside. I mean, they're so skimpy that they'll probably be dry by now, anyway. I don't have the nerve to ask her face to face because part of me knows I'm being ridiculous, but I can't help how I feel and have been sitting here crying all afternoon imagining her and my DH together.

He thinks I'm acting crazy and said that if I send her a note, he will go to his mum's for the night because it would be absolutely mortifying.

AIBU?

Oh dear god. Don’t focus on weight and size. Your body is beautiful whatever size. Focus on heath. Eat nutritious food and exercise for wellbeing. Don’t get focused on a number and how you think you should look. Your husband presumably loves you for you. He will love you whatever. But focusing on the number and thinking that it’s only at that weight you can wear beautiful underwear, is a road to unhappiness.

Really don’t do this. They will think you’re insane and that your husband is cheating on you. You will never live this down.

In the kindest way possible you need to get a grip. I assume some of this is hormones but it sounds utterly bonkers.

Haha good one

Being heavily pregnant explains a lot, you can think weird things and get teary over nothing. But still don't do it.

I know we’ve all been told to stay indoors unless we absolutely have to go out but bloody hell, you must have something to do than make up this shit?
On the very rare chance that this true it’s not then you need some help.

Put a (clean) tea towel over your DH's head,

OR

Acquire several pairs of hideous nylon pattered y fronts, something like this Vintage Mens Nylon 70's Underpants Briefs Y Front Medium St Michael Abstract, Made in Britain. - Etsy UK and hang them on your own line.
Then even if he does make a move on her she will run faster than her skimpy nicks can dry!

Or to really warn her off these, perhaps Personalized Boxers for Husband, Valentine Day Gifts, Custom Face Boxers for Men, I Licked It so It's Mine, for Boyfriend, Husband - Etsy UK

It would indeed be mortifying. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but it's very much a you problem.

Oh no, don't get us wrong..

He will fancy her and quite like seeing her underwear on the line if she is objectively ' hot'. Obviously he won't be taking photos of it or anything though.(.probably). Doesn't mean he will try and hit on her.

Not sure what the male equivalent would be either, they don't really have sexy underwear do they? If you had a hot burly builder next door, the sight of his boxers on the line probably isn't going to rev the engines.

You will laugh about even thinking about doing this in a few months time!

Yes, you're being ridiculous, but you know that already so I won't pile on.

For what it's worth, it's highly unlikely that seeing her underwear on the line is making your husband fancy this woman.

The appeal of sexy underwear for men is the promise of what's underneath it. The grayest, most frayed pair of DP's knickers holds far more promise than any random pair on a nextdoor neighbours washing line, because I remember the last time I took them off her, and anticipate doing it again soon.

Next doors knickers aren't sexy, they're just washing.

Get your husband a pair of blinkers, like horses wear, so that he can go out into the garden, but can't see her skimpies. 🤔 Unless he turns his head or body in that direction 🤔 Damn, back to the drawing board.

Well I’m pregnant and think you’re mental 😂

If this is real, then I think you should reach out to your midwife or GP for some support. It is common for Anxiety and other Mental Health conditions to begin in pregnancy, and your emotional response and level of anxiety about your DH seeing a neighbours lingerie on the line are not rational or proportionate to the situation.

Stab his eyes out.

It's for the best.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant, hormonal, during an heatwave and I still think this is crazy.

Oh yeah do it. Please, please, please report back on how it goes 🙏 🍿

That's a bit extreme. Better to get him neutered - it often improves behaviour overall.

What a shameless exhibitionist. I’d get straight on the phone to the underwear police OP

@Lookingback01

Oh lovely

"I can't help how I feel and have been sitting here crying all afternoon imagining her and my DH together"

You already know this request would be unreasonable, but you also need some support - not in a dismissive "this is a you problem", but in a "you are going through a lot" way.
(The underwear on the line is a red-herring.)

Look up some self regulation and coregulation (with partner) techniques.

And when you're able to discuss things calmly, it'd be a good idea to let said partner know that when you're showing vulnerability or insecurity, you need support from them, not threats of (even temporary) abandonment.

Posted with care and understanding

Ahh hormones

Sorry but this is totally bonkers and can we not further the narrative that women are irrational, bizarre creatures who can't control themselves because of hormones? Sick of hearing it when it's hard enough for women to progress professionally and elsewhere without people tinkly laughing about 'hormones' making them behave like a total loon.

😂

OMG! Do NOT write a note or speak to your neighbour regarding her barely-there undies!!! You will do nothing other than embarrass yourself, she'll think you're certifiable and your husband will be mortified.

It's not normal to be sitting there crying over someone else's underwear, whilst imagining your husband with your neighbour! You are assuming your neighbour finds your husband attractive, she might not! You're also assuming that your husband thinks so little of you, he'd jump at the chance to shag your neighbour!

What else is going on with you, for you to feel like this?

That's a better idea if their family is complete.

If it isn't - lobotomy? Though I suppose that might encourage disinhibition - no one wants to look out into the garden and see a grown man mindlessly getting himself off using next door's crotchless knickers.

Sorry OP. We're teasing. I genuinely am sorry that this is upsetting you as much as it is.