AIBU to feel envious of a friend’s much easier setup?

[bumblebeequeen12]

I know this is absolutely none of my business but it really aggravates me and I have to get it off my chest...and yes its an element of jealousy

I am a single parent to 2 dc so I'm on my own...no help from their Dad. He's not in the picture at all.
A friend of mine (also a single parent when we met) has her DC dad still around (lives nearby) he has the DC 50:50 sometimes she has them more do to his work as he can travel. He does not pay official maintenance but gives her half of all big costs. Like new clothes, uniform, big birthday presents, dental costs etc.
Takes them abroad on holiday.
Now in the last 4 years this friend has met a wonderful man, he has taken on the DC and they love him, they have bought a house together (they both earn well) as does her ex. So these dc are now being supported by 3 high earning adults.
Not only in monetary terms but he will do school drop collections, bring them to clubs etc. They are going on 4 holidays between being with their dad and mum.
I know IBU and I'm happy they are cared for but it just feels like punch in the stomach. My friend never had it as hard as me and she is aware of that but her life has just got so much easier and mine and my dc...well it just gets worse tbh. Talk me down please. And be kind.

Are you ok?

Quite honestly don’t know what the hell you are on about to be honest. I didn’t write this post, maybe address your comments to the OP.

ARE YOU OK?!?! Clearly not. Go and address your comments to OP and not me.

I've been on both sides of this situation. I was widowed with very young children, and it was hard looking around at all the families with two parents. It was also extremely challenging hearing divorced mothers complaining about how hard single parenthood is when they had at least every other weekend child free.

I am now in a much more fortunate place, with a loving husband and father to my children, and we don't have big money worries.

Bad things happen can happen to anyone. Sometimes they are partially due to poor choices (the fact that you "discovered" you were pregnant as you were splitting up with your children's father points to this), and sometimes just from bad luck. Good things can also happen to anyone, but I would argue that they are more likely to happen to people who make good choices in their lives and also have a good attitude - not seeing themselves as a victim.

Jesus wept. What am I reading? How utterly unsupportive. Blame the OP for poor choices, poor decisions....just be better, OP, eh? Better.

Honestly OP, I've been single for 17 years I did everything right. Long courtship, children post marriage, kept working. Not a vulnerability in sight. Didn’t stop him cheating, buggering off, and being an utter arse when it came to money. Did see the kids, but always on his terms after he failed to secure residence by lying about my unsuitability as a mother

I did fuck all wrong. Same as you. People change. Shit happens. Relationships don't come with a crystal ball. I stayed. I supported my kids. I worked stupidly hard. He has very much reaped what he sowed as they have little to do with him as young adults. Stay strong. Keep going one day at a time.

I’m trying to be kind, but the truth is you’re overly invested in your friend’s personal life and now you’re jealous. You can’t be a good friend to her whilst being jealous, so it’s just a frenemy set up. Maybe you need to fully distance yourself from her and find friends that have a similar background/lifestyle to yours, to stop yourself constantly feeling lesser? If this friend’s mere existence is causing you upset/anguish, then the kindest thing you can do for yourself is take yourself away from the situation.

Also single parenting doing it totally solo. Honestly I am so pleased and heart warmed by situations like your friends. Im encouraged that good relationships and people are possible. Maybe for the future.

meanwhile I get on with it. No point comparing with anyone !

It’s just luck I don’t think she makes good choice of men than you when they ended up splitting up? My ex is hands on as well and I have friends whose exes don’t care about the kids . I just find that some men are evil the fact that you can have a child and not have anything to do with them at all is bizarre

meant choices

I totally agree with @Monzo1ss. You need to distance yourself slowly and be friends with people who are in the same position as you

Jealousy is so pointless - why are you jealous of her set up (that you really don’t know the ins and outs of) but not consumed with jealousy of lottery winners, celebs with amazing bodies, people with amazing well paid jobs etc just put it out of your mind

Comparison is the thief of joy. A Mumsnet phrase that really sums this up. I have friends doing much better than me but I am genuinely pleased for them. They probably have times when they envy me for things.(Not many!) We are all just trying our best. A genuine friend is a priceless thing and should be cherished. Keep this in mind.

She chooses well you do not. Maybe if you get a boyfriend see if she likes him. Maybe she sets her standards high watch and learn.