Any similar child please

[BeWarmLilacBiscuit]

My 3.5 year old girl is confident in language skills , intelligent, polite, has an excellent vocabulary. I'm worried that she doesn't play on her own at home for long and a is a big big talker She follows 3 step instructions, never has meltdowns and tantrums are once a month and over in 3 minutes , very organised and excellent working memory and also extremely cautious about new environment, not a fan of excessive noisy places ( so am I )
No issues with changes of routine , very eager to help all the time .. waits in her bed to be picked up for 1 hour playing with teddies or talking to herlself . No impulsivity and always hold hand in public but also very anxious and scared …we took her at a restaurant and she was terrible , food was too cold or too hot , didn’t want to sit . ( that was our second time the first time she sat for an hour playing with me )
she loves other kids and is eager to play with them at the beach or toddler classes ( she plays independently there ) she loves adults as well and her excitement is great when new people come over and she shows them all her toys etc ... she is not keen on rough and tumble and always waits her turn at the playground but gets frustrated because the other kids are faster than her and don’t respect the rule of turn waiting lol but we taught her that’s the right way to do it ( have we gone too far ? ) . She loves 1/1 play with her peers and tends to follow the other child’s lead and very happily go with the flow .
she is totally trained for wees but poos are very difficult to handle at the moment .
she doesn’t go to pre K yet and i am starting to wonder that she is not stimulated enough . we don’t do classes or go out much ( just the playground and supermarket ) could that be a factor that she is bored with the house and her toys ? if we play with her she can easily do it for an hour . am I wrong in keeping her at home nearly all week apart from the beach , playgroups and playgrounds?
I know all of these might point to adhd but is it possible it is just personality or preference for social interaction rather than a disorder

You need professional help.

She has many subtle traits that can overlap with neurodivergence like being a perfectionist, highly empathetic and feels deeply about things , rule follower , doesn’t like crowded spaces , falls apart if we take on holiday away from her safe space but has no issues with changes in routine if it happens at home .

We all got SUBTLE traits of being ND. It's when the traits aren't subtle and pose problems that you seek help. YOU do need help though because your anxiety is anything but subtle.

OP, would you ever wise up? There are plenty of us struggling with the issues real SEND brings. Have a bit of sensitivity FFS.

Sorry but all this sounds insane OP. Stop over-thinking. In a few years, you'll barely remember any of this. Your child will develop issues if you don't deal with your anxieties. Just let her be.

These are also traits from being three, did you expect her to be born fully formed and able to adjust perfectly to every situation (even though you don't take her anywhere or socialise her)?

Honestly, just get out more. It will help her develop social skills and it will help you see what other three year olds are like and give you some perspective.

She sounds amazing, I don’t get the issue.
Re restaurants - just start easy w a local cafe for a sandwich and build up from there. She was priv overwhelmed with it all.
By that age ny children were at school nursery which massively helped w their socialisation andeating as they’d go for play dates and have to eat different foods etc.

Yes I agree.

DC2 does have ADHD. I didn’t realise until age 19, when they started uni.

At age 3, DC2 talked non-stop and very loudly. They were very active and woke up at silly o’clock. They gave up daytime naps at 9 months. They were emotional and got very frustrated easily. Language was good, they potty trained very early. They seemed like a fairly normal toddler to be honest, although I was very surprised about the naps.

OP maybe sign your DC up for a preschool or at least take them to a toddler group. My DCs loved preschool.

I’d say all humans are like this in one way or another.

Long time lurker, but felt I had to post.

Teacher here. You are overanalysing and navel gazing and this is going to be to the detriment of your child unless you get it under control. She sounds perfectly normal. Only children do require more parental input because of course they get bored without anyone to play with.

I see this trend in parents who

Half my message disappeared.

I see this trend in parents who, for whatever reason, have too much time on their hands and too little to fill it, so they ruminate on the entirely normal. Please stop, it is so damaging for your poor children.

Send her to pre-school or nursery. She is an only child and bored. She needs the stimulation of peers not the hyperfixation of her mother. From 3 it is actively beneficial for your child. And while she is there, find yourself an interest activity or job other than your child. She is a huge part of your life but it isn’t healthy for her to be the only thing you have to think about.

Get some help OP before you damage both your child and your relationship with her.

She sounds exactly like my DD at her age. DD is mid 30's now and is not ND.
I get the feeling that is doesn't matter what anyone tells you, you are never going to acknowledge that your DD is anything other than what you believe her to be. Why do you think children of that age are not assessed? Could it possibly be that most of them will have some behaviours that are on the spectrum because it's normal in that age group.

Yes a good point that we don’t formally assess until yr3, or age 7 ish, because those behaviours are so normal in young children.

heed the almost universal advice OP. The issue is you and not your child.

I have a child in my class now who does have some behaviour and attention issues, but she is 5, so it is within the range of normal. Then you meet her weird, hyperfixating, over-invested mum and you realise why she might be acting out. Step back, give her space to develop normally.

She sounds great. Don’t worry.
What specifically concerns you?

All kids are different and even as adults we all have different personality types, there are about 16 main ones. Having as a child always felt different from everyone else, I discovered as an adult that only about 1% of the population are my personality types. So actually I am different! There you go. Not much I can do about that, no point in worrying.

Glad my mum was wholly supportive not fretting about me or implicitly undermining me.

Normal.

I do too.

Her many threads are increasingly disturbing.

Are you the poster that went camping with your child last year?

Both the young women in my family who’ve been diagnosed with adhd or asd were actually too laid back about things. Everyone said “oh isn’t she easy going?!” One was early diagnosed autism and the other late adhd.

She’s totally normal.

Regularly going out and about helps her get used to new spaces. If you’re not doing this you could be holding her back.

We’re going to close this now. OP, we can see you’re worried, but the boards can’t assess your child or give you the kind of certainty you’re looking for. If these concerns are ongoing, please speak to your health visitor, GP or early years setting, who can look at the full picture properly.