Any similar child please

[BeWarmLilacBiscuit]

My 3.5 year old girl is confident in language skills , intelligent, polite, has an excellent vocabulary. I'm worried that she doesn't play on her own at home for long and a is a big big talker She follows 3 step instructions, never has meltdowns and tantrums are once a month and over in 3 minutes , very organised and excellent working memory and also extremely cautious about new environment, not a fan of excessive noisy places ( so am I )
No issues with changes of routine , very eager to help all the time .. waits in her bed to be picked up for 1 hour playing with teddies or talking to herlself . No impulsivity and always hold hand in public but also very anxious and scared …we took her at a restaurant and she was terrible , food was too cold or too hot , didn’t want to sit . ( that was our second time the first time she sat for an hour playing with me )
she loves other kids and is eager to play with them at the beach or toddler classes ( she plays independently there ) she loves adults as well and her excitement is great when new people come over and she shows them all her toys etc ... she is not keen on rough and tumble and always waits her turn at the playground but gets frustrated because the other kids are faster than her and don’t respect the rule of turn waiting lol but we taught her that’s the right way to do it ( have we gone too far ? ) . She loves 1/1 play with her peers and tends to follow the other child’s lead and very happily go with the flow .
she is totally trained for wees but poos are very difficult to handle at the moment .
she doesn’t go to pre K yet and i am starting to wonder that she is not stimulated enough . we don’t do classes or go out much ( just the playground and supermarket ) could that be a factor that she is bored with the house and her toys ? if we play with her she can easily do it for an hour . am I wrong in keeping her at home nearly all week apart from the beach , playgroups and playgrounds?
I know all of these might point to adhd but is it possible it is just personality or preference for social interaction rather than a disorder

Done all those things .. she still asks mommy can I go and play in the restaurant garden

Op she's only 3. Adhd cannot really be considered until 6

If anything autism may be more likely

@BeWarmLilacBiscuit Why won't you get help for yourself, particularly as it's been repeatedly pointed out to you that this level of anxiety/obsession is harmful to your child? Why won't you get help for her sake, if not for your own?

Could potentially be AuDHD which both autism and adhd. Its hard to say, girls tend to mask which makes it harder for them to be diagnosed. It might be worth waiting a little while see how her traits play out. I know waiting isnt nice but unless its really obvious (strong traits) then they dont tend to diagnosed under a certain age. My son was 8 before he got diagnosed. I got diagnosed last year with autism and currently waiting adhd assessment. Its also worth adding that autism and adhd can be genetic. I have a qualification in autism awareness and been doing loads more research on neurodivergent brain

If the restaurant has a garden, a soft play or anything remotely more fun than colouring in, of course that would be what she'd ask to do.
Do you have any mum friends who you can get a sense check from? You come across as having never seen a child in the wild!

Seriously she is the most normal child that I've ever read about. Perfectly ordinary in every way

This. All day long. Bags full of this

Once she goes to pre-school and you see her with other kids you'll see she's in normal range :) she sounds lovely

You view this as a problem??!!

Yes, she asks because she wants to explore, play, chat, etc, rather than sit still at a table for ages because that's how 3 year olds behave!!!
You don't seem to have any knowledge or experience of young children at all, you're viewing typical toddler behaviour as a major problem.

You seriously need to seek help, it’s absolutely awful to push these thoughts onto a 3.5 year old little girl.

My 6yo is ND. If, at 3.5, I'd tried to make her sit indoors looking at a garden, she'd have had an enormous meltdown and got herself into the garden whether I wanted her to or not and I'd not have been able to catch her again for the rest of the evening.

No absolutely nothing like my nd asd adhd dc!
They did talk a lot. But it was 1mil times more than just that. Several tantrums daily. Issues at preschool and school. Impulsivity.
Girks tend to inattentive anyway so not listening to you/day dreaming etc

Completely normal for a 3 year old... of course she's not going to want to sit in the restaurant when there are other more appealing options. Neither of my girls would/will sit nicely in restaurants for long periods. I would have to do lots of distraction and with my 2nd, I avoid it as even with distraction she will just keep getting up and down.

It is clear you have severe anxiety which must be very debilitating but you really need to address it for your DD's sake.

Let her be who she is and not fixate on singular aspects of her behaviour. If you are concerned then contact your local health visiting service and they can advise. I doubt they will have any concerns though, she sounds like a wonderful child and as long as she's happy that's all that matters.

Well yeah because she's 3 and playing in a garden is way more fun than sitting at a restaurant table!

Also, apologies if I'm wrong, but have you previously posted similar questions about your child's development on Reddit? Your concerns and style of writing are almost exactly the same as a user over there. Fyi, that poster was also, kindly, advised their child sounds absolutely fine.

Not being able to sit still for long in a restaurant is completely normal for a toddler.

Stop projecting your anxiety on to your perfectly normal child. It’s not fair on her.

She doesn’t ’struggle’. She behaves like a normal child of her age.

I genuinely think you are delusional and I think your obsession will harm your child if you don’t seek psychiatric help for your mental health.

This. Your child sounds perfectly normal, OP. You, however, should seek help.

She definitely struggles with independent playing aro home no matter how much we try to help her on that and how many toys she has . She gets bored very easily so I let her get bored at times

This! The thread was so tedious I stopped reading halfway. The only problem here is the OP overanalysing her dc.

I doubt she is autistic.

I think Munchausen by proxy unfortunately.

Do you realise she’s 3? She’s a small normal acting little girl finding her feet she’s not going to be still, or quite or independent fully at the big age of 3.5 years old, get help

Would you rather have a non verbal child?

3 year olds get bored. That's in their nature. My ND child was a lot more content at the age of 3 than my NT child, who was always on the go. Your daughter sounds completely normal, and that's a good thing.

What does I run to the state agent mean? "I had forgotten my house key and he said he would be in the house to wait for us but didn’t answer his phone or door so I run to the state agent worried about him"

Why would you seek to diagnose her with ADHD . She is perfectly normal .

That’s totally normal. It’s an indicator of super pro social skills.

Eldest couldn’t play alone at all and got bored all the time, now he’s a teen he gets extremely focussed on creative projects and spends hours on them.

youngest could play alone and would spend ages doing so; now he’s 8 he’s extremely sociable and constantly wants friends over.

I’d get her into nursery and let her make friends

You do have anxiety and possibly OCD. You have a compulsion to check and be reassured. I recognise it as I do too but thought it was totally normal. It’s not; it’s taking up too much of your time to be healthy.