My parents have recently told me they want to gift me assets worth just over £1m while they're still alive. It's a mixture of investments, funds and cash.
The problem is they don't intend to give my sister anything.
My sister is absolutely furious and says I should refuse the money unless they split everything equally between us.
For context, we had a very happy childhood. Our parents were loving, supportive and provided us with every opportunity. There was no obvious favouritism.
As adults, however, our relationships with them have been very different. I see them every week, help them with shopping, appointments, paperwork and generally make sure they're OK. They're in their late 70s and increasingly need support.
My sister has never really made much effort. She can go months without seeing them. A recent example was when they needed a lift to the airport. She was free and lived closest but simply couldn't be bothered. Another relative ended up taking them.
My parents are very hurt by this and have told me repeatedly that their decision is based on years of feeling ignored by her.
The thing is, I don't actually feel responsible for their decision. It's their money. They're mentally capable, fully understand what they're doing and have made their views clear.
My sister says that may be true, but by accepting the money I'm endorsing their behaviour and choosing money over my relationship with her.
My response was that turning down £1m doesn't magically mean she gets it. It simply means none of us do.
She says a decent sister would refuse it on principle.
DH thinks that's easy to say when she's asking me to sacrifice something that could transform our children's futures.
So AIBU for thinking this isn't my decision to make, and that refusing the money out of "solidarity" would be completely irrational and stupid.
I care for my sister but she has thrown away her life by herself. We came from very good backgrounds with potential, she chose to waste that. I am now in my 40s, I live a very modest life, DH is an engineer, I work for civil service I’ve been in the civil service for almost 20 years so I have worked my way up. I am not a luxury type of person, DH and I share a car, it’s over 10 years old we bought it brand new XC90 it does the job very well, our children are at private school but it’s not eton it’s very affordable and does the job too. They’re doing very well at school, we go on 3 holidays a year, we invest for them each year we save from them a certain amount tax free and my parents top that for them. They do the same for my sisters children. My sister has no bothered to do anything for her children. All the savings they have is from our parents which is quite sad. What kind of parent has children when they can’t save for their futures. She has a new car all the time, lives wayy above her means yet nothing to show for it just new things all the time. Conspicuous consumption. She is pushing 50 and has wasted her potential now wants to cry to me. We are both oxbridge educated, went to very good private schools, the world was our oyster.