Sad that Dh can’t make Dd’s show

[Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball]

Dd has a singing, end of year show this week at 10 am, it only lasts around 20 minutes. He says he’s unable to get time off work, Dd is sad and asking him to please come and it just breaks my heart

does his job pay the bills and enable you to have a more flexible (lower paid) job or not work at all so you can be around for these events? If so maybe you should try swapping with him

My DH didn't attend a lot of daytime things because of work. It's sad but it's just the way it is sometimes. Can you record it for him?

Don’t make him feel bad. I always tried to get time off but I said i might not be able to and that’s fine. It’s not fair for you to do that. 10am is a tricky time to come out of work for 20 mins

Breaks your heart? that’ll be miss a 20 min school thingy?
You're being very dramatic and you really need toughen up
and be sensible.

You're not unreasonable to be sad about it, but it's just life unfortunately.

Count your blessings - she will have you there.
Which makes her luckier than some of her peers will be.

I'd assume the teachers in the assembly hall don't get to bunk off for an hour to watch their kids perform.

Feel your feelings about it for sure, but don't share them with your DD.

It’s really hard, my DH or I missed things with ours growing up due to work commitments. But one of you will be there which is fab!

So would you like to answer the questions @Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball about whether he has the kind of job that’s local and flexible enough to get the time off?

also yes you set the tone with DD’s reaction with your own. I’d be jolly and say you’ll film it for daddy for her to show him later.

I work in the same school as my DCs and still couldn’t get time off my job to attend their end of year assembly where they were singing this year. DH has never been to a single school thing for them as he teaches across town. Life goes on. You’re setting your daughter up for disappointment if she expects both parents to be at everything she ever does and at eight she is more than old enough to accept this gracefully.

Explain to her he would really love to be there but needs to go to work but you will film it for him and you can all watch back together when he’s home x

Kids take the lead from you it’s just one of those things
but my god it not the big drama it’s being made into
you need to manage her expectations better

No matter what time of day between 9am & 3pm someone will always miss out due to work

Breaks your heart? Really?

DH has pretty much never been to a school event for either of ours (he's a teacher!). I try and make sure I can go as much as possible. When I do go there are some couples there but not loads, and of course there are some kids where no one can make it. It's definitely not standard for both parents to attend. Don't tell your DD that it's sad that DH can't go, tell her it's great that you can!

but you will film it for him.....

Make sure school allows filming before promising this. Many don't.

(And what would the children performing rather see when they look out at the audience - their parents' faces or a lot of phones held up filming?)

Some jobs just can’t. If I have an undergraduate seminar on Tuesday 28 October 12-1, I can reschedule because it’s easy enough to find a time that works for 14 people. If I have a lecture for 400 students, I can’t. It might be that I can switch it with a colleague teaching a different part of the same module, and in an emergency, if I were too ill to teach, I could record it, but usually not.

I would imagine many working parents would be in same position. Be happy at least one of you can be there.

Has your daughter had both of you at everything for the last four years that she’s been at school? How on earth have you held down jobs?!?

My DD has one of us at most things. When we can’t go, we explain why and ask another parent to cheer for her.

She’s fine with this… and also, she has to be fine with it because we have jobs!

We spent much of our childhood without anyone present at shows, assemblies, etc. One parent was a schoolteacher in another school, and the other in the Forces. Only grandparent lived 2.5 hours away, and was still working well into his 70s. So, Yknow, we managed.
If you’re going to be there, surely that’s enough?

Stop the guilt trip, the children I’m sure like having a roof over their head because daddy works!

How have you responded to the upset @Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball? I really think you need to take the lead and frame things differently for your DD. Don’t feed into the upset.

5yo DS has been gutted this past week because DH works away and has missed 3 big events that were being held in the same week - an end of term show, nursery graduation and P1 parents lunch.
In our house, we acknowledge the upset - because it absolutely is disappointing, I get that - but then we have a reminder of the other things that will be on when daddy is home, and also a reminder that mummy and daddy have to work and that we can’t always both be at every event. We recorded a “super special home performance” of one of DSs songs from the end of term show that he could send to his dad, and took some pictures at the other events.

Stop the guilt trip,

What guilt trip?

Lots of parents can’t make school shows. Stop guilt tripping your DH and use this as an opportunity to demonstrate work ethic and responsibility to your DD

So 6 hours after starting the thread we’ve had 2 words from op. No answers to shy questions. I hate this kind of load and run Thread. They are more common than ever.

Breaking your heart? Really? If that's breaking your heart what on earth will you do when a real crisis hits?

One of our duties is to role model self regulation and reasonable responses to children to help them do the same for themselves.

And to communicate what's going to happen to children.

Fairness matters too - Make it clear that next time, he'll be the one attending and celebrating her event.