Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

[Bayleaftree63]

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

I think there was a legal case about this in America some years ago and it hinged on whether buying a plane ticket meant you had purchased use of the seat or merely transit. I don't know what happened in the end.

Sure it was Op. And this thread was started waaaay after your bedtime. You are going to be tired at school tomorrow.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy?

Did this person say they were happy?

I’m writing this as a slim person who was never overweight. Only gained just over a stone in each pregnancy which is pretty much the weight of the baby, waters etc. Eating healthy (but not obsessively „clean”), cooking completely from scratch 90% of time and limiting processed foods.

Obesity is an illness. Obese people feel hunger that cannot be satisfied. We don’t even have a clue what it feels like to have a hole in your stomach that cannot be filled. They think of food all day and can’t stop themselves, whereas people like me only think of it when it’s time for a meal and they get peckish. I will open a pack of pretzels, have a few and feel like I can’t have any more. My cupboard is full of snacks which I barely eat not because I’m actively stopping myself from it, but because I genuinely don’t want them. Staying slim is easy when you’re not compulsively hungry all the time.

Apparently one of the causes of obesity is hormonal imbalance. Stomach produces a hormone which makes you peckish and want to go and check the fridge - obese people have too much of this hormone which makes them hungry all the time. There is also a hormone that makes you full after a meal - obese people have very low levels of it so they’re always overeating and are not satisfied by normal amount of food.

If you think about it, are you really actively stopping yourself from eating enormous quantities of food by choice and strong will? Any normal person would vomit if they were to attempt to eat the amount of food that an obese person eats for one meal. It’s not a choice for us, we just couldn’t do it. It is a choice that makes a difference between skinny and overweight (the type of food you eat) but to be morbidly obese is not about the choice of meals anymore, there are other underlying causes which have nothing to do with strong will or laziness.

Do you silently judge the looks of every person you meet on public transport? Or just fat people?

I can't tell you why we wouldn't want to lose weight. It's a secret, only people in our shameful club know. You'll have to answer a list of questions and meet a strict criteria to join. Unfortunately so far it's looking like a no you can't join. Sorry.

‘Internal flight’ lol ‘public transport’

No I don’t have children.

No, I get it. It’s infuriating.
You won’t get much support on mumsnet, but this has happened to me a lot and it’s hard to have sympathy when you are next to someone very obese and are squashed and uncomfortable for a journey that you’ve paid for.
You aren’t allowed to say anything either or it’s fat shaming or your satan in disguise. I do wonder what goes on to make people get morbidly obese.

Functionally yes it sucks. People who need two seats should be paying for two. Much like tall people have to pay extra for different seats to fit their legs too.

I am overweight (bmi 29) and tall - I travel first class for work so it’s never an issue. I don’t travel much privately. I do fit in a normal seat though and I don’t womanspread.

What are you going to say? Are you going to turn to the person next to you and ask why they are fat?

I have a friend who is morbidly obese. She got on a bus and asked a lady to move her bag so she could sit down. The lady refused and said to her "I don't want your fat ass sat next to me".
So my friend sat on her bag.
My friend has been bigger, but has been going to the gym. But she has various medical issues and is on meds that are known for weight gain.
But obese people are fair game when it comes to rude comments.. It is their fault they are fat 🙄

@mrlistersgelfbridedo you genuinely wonder? You can’t fathom it at all? It’s very easy to overeat, more so if you are stressed, unhappy, tired, traumatised, bored, and so on and so on. Once you’ve become significantly overweight or obese, it becomes harder and harder to even just maintain your weight let alone lose any. If you get into the cycle of diet/regain, which is very common, then you will just cycle through losing a bit and regaining more than you lost. This is surely very well known?

I know you're just joking, but I know who I'd rather sit next to 🌷

I flew out on Ryan Air and I was SO worried about being the fat person spilling into someone else's space that Mumsnet loves to wish didn't exist. Turns out the sporty young man next to me had enormous shoulders that spread into my space. Seats are small. People are big.

No I would never comment on someone’s appearance in public, i hate things like that I think that is very rude. I never meant i would say anything to the person, more about asked to be moved by the staff but it causes awkwardness in my experience so unfortunately we just have to be squashed. I’ve been next to overweight passengers who have made a joke of it saying ‘it’s a good job you don’t need much space’ - yes but i would like some space! It’s the whole having to suck it up thing that is annoying.

I wonder if it was the same overweight person that was observed wearing shorts at a Harry Styles gig at the weekend. How dare overweight people go out in public places.

Take the National Express, when your life's in a mess ......

Utter crap. At least own your nasty attitude.

Pillory the woman for being fat and "not doing anything about it"
And probably have a dig at folk using the jabs as well. For cheating🙄

Are you American or Australian OP? I think "domestic flight" is more usual in UK.

Yes, exactly that. A private jet.

I consider most flights to be public transport. They are full of members of the public, after all.

I was on an internal flight and one of the crew asked if I didn't mind moving to the window seat. I said it was fine. The plane was full.

Then a morbidly obese man sat beside me. He was the last passenger on.

To my shame, I did feel deflated. I'm being honest. However he was a very young man and I felt sorry for him. He apologised a lot and I said it was no worries. The arm seat had to go up. I've no idea how he got his seatbelt on. Thankfully I'm slim.

It was a 40 minute flight and he ate a meal during that time, which made me feel even more for him.

A lesson in feeling empathy and care I'll never forget.

This.

I’ll add judgey and overdramatic as well as

Lol, were you hiding behind the door when common sense was being handed out @Bayleaftree63 ?

Genuine question my arse!