Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

[Laurenn25]

I’ve been single for three years, single Mum to primary age DC who I’ve put first during that time. Only recently did I start looking to date again, I’ve met someone who I get along really well with and we’ve arranged a weekend away for mid-July.

My best friend had been on for a while about the two of us going away for a weekend, but for various reasons I didn’t outright commit to this. I told her it would depend on a few factors including finances.

I’ve told her about my planned weekend with the man I’m seeing and she got really funny and asked is that why I can’t go away with her. I said it wasn’t as simple as that. She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

It’s true I probably could have gone away with her, but I didn’t commit to it and can’t afford two trips now. She has made me feel a bit crap.

Well I can see why she’s a bit upset you’ve gone with a better offer, but also I can understand why you want to do a different sort of weekend away with your new partner. You chose the new guy for a weekend away over her though and she’s upset, so I’d say you owe her an apology

She has kinda got a point though. You have found money to go away with the new man but not your friend.

Her language is vile but I can't fault the sentiment behind it.

I think the thing about the friend is a bit of a red herring - I don’t like the phrase “sniff of cock” but she may have a point.

However, you have recently met someone and have already arranged to go away for the weekend next month. Is this a bit soon? Tell someone exactly where you’ll be.

Well it’s true isn’t it.

You didn’t bother to go with her, but you’ll go with new man.

At least she knows where your priorities lie now, and it’s not with her.

Id expect her to cool the friendship after this.

She’s right

Yeah you’ve been a crap friend. Said you can’t go away with her, but then jumped at the chance with a man. Not surprised she’s feeling shit.

I can see her point
Can't you?

What were the “various reasons” you didn’t plan a holiday with her? She’s not just any friend, she’s your best friend. You have every right to do as you please with your time and money, but I do understand why she’s hurt.

it is not a “better offer” its a different thing entirely . For fuck’s sake the OP isn’t a public utility that has to take all customers.

Sisters before misters.

YABU.

Maybe the friend snores. Maybe the friend’s idea of a weekend is two days doing slot machines. Maybe the friend’s idea is two days climbing Ben Nevis. Maybe the new man’s idea is something OP would love to do. Who knows 🤷‍♀️.

Don’t drop your friend, but at the same time you don’t have to go away with her just because she suggested it.

Yep. Sorry. But you’ve made a choice.

We see each other 3/4 times a month, she has some habits which to be honest grate when I’ve had a weekend away with her before, the suggestions she made were all pricier than I’d have liked (I made other suggestions which she wasn’t keen on).

Can you really not see it would be upsetting to have a long term friend all non committal about a weekend away "for various reasons" and then jump at the chance to go with someone else?

To be honest she has a point.

These are really good reasons not to go away with her. It doesn’t mean you’re not good friends. It simply means her ideas don’t match with yours. You’re fine ✅

She's not wrong OP!

She's right.

I'm with your friend here sorry.

I wouldn't have been so vulgar as to make the "sniff of cock" remark but I do find it very difficult to respect women who use other women as stand-ins for men.

What do you think about OPs reasons?

Or anyone else?

You have done exactly what she said though unfortunately OP. I think she called you out and you feel guilty because you know she's right, it's okay for you to feel guilty. I would apologise and say she's right, you've committed to the trip now but how about we plan one for later in the year or next year.

The only reason she gave was financial...so if she can afford only 1 weekend away , she's chosen a new bloke over her best friend.

You might have a point if you'd said any of this to her. But it seems like you never actually gave a reason, so it very much looks to your friend that you've simply gone with a better offer. Can you really not see that?

It does seem like the variety of reasons you couldn't go disappeared when a man is involved.

Can you not understand why she feels discarded?

I think she posted them when hardly anyone agreed with her.

I think the 'grating habits' are a red herring as if they were that bad, the OP wouldn't have told her 'it depends on a few factors'.

She was thinking about it until this guy came along.