AIBU to think a last-minute invite means you’re not wanted?

[Lessexpected]

To think if someone invites you to something important to them like a ‘confirmation’ at the last minute (a week before) and you’re the god parent - they didn’t want you there in the first place?

depending on the person and the occasion I wouldn’t necessarily baulk at not making the first cut. If you want to go, go. If not, don’t. you are certainly under no obligation to change plans.

This being said, I can see how it would be hurtful if you’d assumed your bd a priority and you’re not. Do I suppose it’s the potential mismatch of expectation vs reality that might jar.

It really depends on the circumstances. Yes it sounds like you're second tier in this case, but how many guests are they allowed? Often it's just 3/4 in which case parents and a sibling or grandparent can be all there's room for. Maybe your spot initially went to a grandparent who can no longer make it? I wouldn't automatically assume the worst unless this is a pattern of behaviour.

Great post

Also a great post

Surely if they didn’t want you there they wouldn’t have invited you at all?

Not very ‘Christian’ to invite someone last minute to be a god parent though is it? Or am I missing something thing?!

I wouldn’t be bothered with this at all, has someone else let them down last minute?

It's really not difficult.

If you can't go, due to prior commitments, then obviously don't go.
If you were doing something, but it's casual, and can be done any time, but you feel this is important, then make the arrangements and go.
In essence, if you want to go, then go. If they didn't want you there, then they wouldn't have invited you.
If you want to go, then you would just be cutting your nose off to spite your face if you decide not to because you perceive you might have been a 'reserve' (although you don't know this).

When one of my dc got married, a relative had a heart attack two days before so neither thm nor their spouse could be there. We invited two people, the day before, to take their places. Clearly they were "reserves" if you like - people they had wanted to invite but had been unable to - but the people who came were delighted to be able to attend and had a fab day. Kept thanking us for asking them, months later.
So, decide if it is something you want to be at or not, and then use that to decide if you want to go or not.

Well, obviously if you have other plans and can’t go, that answers it for you, doesn’t it? You haven’t said whether you want to go, whether you’re fond of the child being confirmed or whatever, though. That’s what I would let dictate my decision to attend or not, assuming I didn’t have clashing plans — not speculation about someone’s motives.

My friend invited me to her wedding last minute. I didn’t make the cut for the first round of invitations, but someone dropped out. People come and go in our lives; circles move, and get bigger and smaller. It’s not always a reflection on your relationship, just on where you are in your lives.

I went and had a brilliant time.

She hasn't been invited to 'be a Godparent' at the last minute.

Her God child is being confirmed and she didn't receive an invitation until quite recently so is assuming it is a sleight.

Could have been a school fault, not clarifying whether it was just parents or they might have thought they mentioned it etc etc. it doesn’t matter really, it’s for the child and you’ll have a nice day!

I signed up to get confirmed through school and forgot to tell my parents about it until quite near the time - I was at a boarding school so easier for them to miss. They scrambled to organise a lunch with all my godparents etc, I just hadn't really realised this was a thing and so hadn't mentioned it.

Not necessarily

Thanks @JustGiveMeReasonmy bad I didn’t read the thread properly. All depends upon OPs involvement with the child. As someone who has been a completely crap god parent, to the extent I feel I should somehow do something to apologise /compensate, I would not expect to be united to a confirmation. I don’t think OP has outlined how involved she’s been?

I didn’t get an invite to my godson’s confirmation. There was only space for parents, siblings, sponsor and 1 other. They chose grandparent to take the space and they were right to do so. If someone else had been unable to make it and I could fill the gap I’d have been delighted to do so. Sometimes
space means you can’t invite who you want and it’s only a fool who’d be offended at that.

Do you know for definite they organised food long ago? Friends of ours had to organise a last minute christening as it was either take the short notice date or a huge wait. They wanted the baby christened in that particular church in a family gown that wouldn’t fit if they waited. They still managed to organise a full christening with food, cake etc. in about a fortnight.

The person inviting me didn’t have anyone drop out. They told me they hadn’t got their shit together basically. But knowing them, they’re highly organised people. Lunch is at home so not a numbers thing. The Church is massive. Cutting nose off to spite face is probably about right. I used to be involved but have been phased out last few years with a promise to meet up but not coming back to me in spite of me trying…thanks all, appreciated the responses.

Yes, so you must have been pretty special to the parents for them to chose you to be a God parent.

I'd be tempted to say, 'So sorry, can't make it at such short notice.'

Have you been an active Godparent?

But this is the chance to reverse that… or to make a good ending.
I mean, if you can’t go because you have something else on, then that’s that. If you happen to be free, then why not?

Unless you don’t want to. It’s in your hands, but don’t try and calculate what’s going on in their head because chances are you just don’t know.

Yes it might be a last minute invite but if free I would accept it. Maybe they had chosen someone else as godparent and have in the last week questioned their choice and felt you would be the better adult in their life.

If you already have arrangements though then I would say that unfortunately you are unable to attend due to the short notice and have other commitments.

This reminds me of the time I was invited to work at a wedding the week before, as a gift. I actually had plans so couldn’t attend the day and work it. I asked to come in the evening instead and that was rescinded. A person pulled out of the wedding the week before and she thought of me! It made me feel a bit used and I knew that particular friendship was dead. So yes is the answer to your question, someone dropped out and they asked you instead. The question is, do you want to go?

Life can be much happier if you choose to take things at face value and not overthink. If you are free and want to go, go. If it will take too much reshuffling or you don't want to go, don't.

Agree, but also, I think what I wanted from this thread was to see if other people thought it was a signal that they didn’t want me to turn up. They must have known we’d have plans.

An invite is a signal that they do want you to turn up. It's literally the definition of an invite. It doesn't matter whether it's sent a year or a day in advance. If they really didn't want you there they wouldn't have invited you. Life is too short to spend second-guessing the "real" intent of something obvious.

Equally, I find life is too short to spend taking offence if I'm not the number one priority in other people's minds all the time. I've sent late invites to people because I'd simply forgotten them in the first batch. It didn't mean I like them less or wanted them there less. I've also received obvious late invites, and ended up having a brilliant time at those events and actually strengthening my friendship with the hosts.

You don't seem to like these people much so the real question should be whether you actually want to go to this thing.