AIBU to think a last-minute invite means you’re not wanted?

[Lessexpected]

To think if someone invites you to something important to them like a ‘confirmation’ at the last minute (a week before) and you’re the god parent - they didn’t want you there in the first place?

Yes. Don’t go.

Yes, unless it was very obviously a genuine mistake

In this case yes! What a crappy thing to do

Idk they could just be disorganised!

Why would they eventually invite you if they didn’t want you to come?

They may also not have realised that godparents are important at a confirmation, maybe the child has a different sponsor for the confirmation who they themselves are close to?

It could be, but I try to assume the best of people rather than the worst of them where I can. It could be disorganisation, it could be they wanted you there but didn't originally have space. If they didn't want you at all they wouldn't have invited you.

It’s very possible there are limited seats available. In some crowded churches, the kids involved are only allowed up to three “guests”.

Close family usually takes care of that.

Are you free? Do you love the child? If so go for their sake. I moght have a quiet word afterwards with the person who invited me - i wasnt sure whether or not to come, it was short notice, did you think i would be offended if I wasnt invited? Or something along those lines.

eh unless they’re last minute organising then I’d say I’m not available

Well if they are anything like me, they may have assumed they'd asked you, panicked when they hadn't and fully intended you to be there but lives a chaotic life. Are they a bit like me?

Not necessarily. They could be badly organised. Someone could have dropped out at the last minute. There may be family politics involved.

Seeing everything as a personal sleight isn’t helpful. You’re constantly setting yourself up for conflict and paranoia.

What do you have to lose by going in good grace and participating in this celebration. If it genuinely is a sleight then you have made yourself look like the grownup. If it’s not, you have saved yourself upsetting others. Unless you can’t go.

Context, they are not disorganised people. Everything in their lives is organised to the minute. They have planned food. This would have been organised a long time ago. I think this is why I think they didn’t want me to come. It is not nearby. It would take me more organisation to go.

Thanks, I think it’s crappy too. But good to see I’m not alone in thinking that!

Maybe so although you can’t know for sure that something didn’t happen that you’re unaware of.

Unless there’s a big drip feed coming about a family rift, I still think you’re better swallowing your pride and going. Its a celebration of the birth of a child and an opportunity to build a relationship with that child. You gain nothing by being petty and point scoring over the etiquette.

As per @Wellretired and PPs: do you love this child? Are you an active godparent? (Do you want to be a force for goodness in their life?)
If so, please try to look beyond their parents. Go and be supportive and loving. Make the day all about your love for the child and your Christian spirit.

But, even though the circumstances of the invitation are hurtful, don't fumble the occasion by wasting your time on trying to address the parents. Those comments/questions for the parents are nasty-nice and the worst kind of UK PA one-upping and social shaming. They are not at all in the Christian spirit of rejoicing in the (spiritual) life of a young person be it confirmation or any sacrament in the Christian church.

Yes, agree with your sentiment. But equally, don’t want to feel like the bad fairy in Sleeping Beauty.

I don’t mind last minute invites at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

But what if you have other plans, do you just drop those? And what about the logistics of family life?

In this case it’s crappy.

But for my DD’s party this year we were told 20 kids max limit, then the week before they said it’s actually 25. I was upfront to parents with this when we invited their kids last minute. I’d paid a flat fee for the event and I was definitely getting my monies worth.

We were invited last minute to a party this week. Similar situation, they had people drop out so we were obviously on the reserves/making up numbers. It was an event we enjoy and we like the people to causally socialise with so it was a no brainer!

Yes it’s like a second tier invite. Though when I was confirmed there were no guests - your families were in the congregation and you went gut a nice lunch afterwards. That’s it. It was also a group thing - so all the kids of that age in the parish would have it in one ceremony.
But if it’s like ceremony then party, yes as a last minute invite - and if you aren’t that close - then I wouldn’t change any pre-existing plans.

I've got a rubbish memory and rubbish organisational skills. I've invited people to things last minute and it's usually because I think it will be nice to see them and/or they're fun. If I didn't want them there they wouldn't get an invite at all.

Yes, I get that. But god parent who lives an hour plus away? You only have 2/3 god parents, right?

It depends where they are getting confirmed and the organisation of it. In our archdiocese the children get confirmed at the cathedral there can be 50/60 children at once doing and there is normally a max guess limited of 6. When my godson was confirmed I stood as his witness and because of the amount of people making confirmation each family was allowed parents siblings and the witness if that was going to be someone separate from parents or siblings. It’s meant his grandparent etc couldn’t go. It might be that last minute the rules have been relaxed or like my mum did when I made mine just invited everyone anyway

This.

Really why overthink something like this.

If you have other plans then decline the invitation, unless you feel the confirmation of your god child is more important, in which case go. I wouldn’t be tying myself in knots over it, it’s a lovely thing to be invited last minute or not.

That's exactly what it means, don't go.