AIBU to consider lodging with a stranger to save money at 36?

[TwinklyPinkTurtle]

I've lived on my own for around 6 years now in a rented house with my two cats, no kids. 36F.

The cost of living is getting worse and although I'm not completely skint at the end of the month I'm not able to save for thing's I'd like ie. house deposit, to travel etc. I'd also like to retrain as a nurse/social worker and I wouldnt be able to afford going back to uni full time (I'm aware of what I'd be entitled too with SF).

I have an opportunity to lodge a room in a 4 bedroom house on a new build estate with my own seperate bathroom and office with full use of the rest of the house. Bills included with no particular house rules attached but it would be with a 48 year old man I don't already know and he has two dogs, one a large bulldog. He's already said I wouldn't be expected to care for them but it would be good they would have company as I work from home full time.

AIBU by thinking this is a stupid idea giving up my rental to lodge with technically less rights for the sake of saving money. Id need to rehome my cats at my parents and I'm also struggling with the idea of losing independence and privacy at the age of 36 when everyone else I know is married, living with partners etc..

Of course you don’t have to, but it depends what your game is
For me, the game is to stop working altogether and do everything that I love on a full-time basis
To Be Mortgage free and to have a good pension
Chopping and changing careers and accumulating debt will set you significantly back in that aim

She's currently renting, I don't think she'll be allowed to sublet.

Yes, true, but it might be worth asking her landlord

Are you realistically going to be able to retrain and buy a house alone? I don't want to sound pessimistic, but a 3 year degree, then a 30k job, I'd prioritise one or the other.
But ofr your original que, no I wouldn't lodge with a man I don't know and 2 dogs, unless I was destitute and had no other option.

If you're going to buy your own place then something needs to change. Could you live with your parents for a bit? Or are there any other opportunities to lodge locally? It would be ideal if you could find someone who is maybe away a lot themselves. Unfortunately as a single person in your position- something has to give. I empathise as I've also previously had to move into shared accommodation after having my own place. If you have a solid goal in place it'll feel worth it. Re the training - i think there are social work apprenticeships so that might help a little financially.

If you want to lodge move in with a woman or a family not a strange man and his scary dogs!

The other thing to be aware of if you’re lodging is that you don’t have ‘exclusive possession’ of your rooms so the landlord can enter at any time.

Can you move somewhere cheaper ?
Have you applied to nurse training ?
My hospital has student accommodation.
It’s an en-suite room with shared kitchen all bills included.

As a tenant you now have increased rights under the new legislation. You are also lucky enough to have a LL who allows pets. As a lodger you have no rights and you have little knowledge of your new LL and his desires.

The offset is that as a renter you have no chance to sale because all the money is going into the pocket of your LL. However you do have your independence. As a lodger you would be able to save, providing everything works out.

I would think about finding another person with whom you could share your currrent or another rental rather than an unknown man with two dogs. That is an unpredictable situation which could go pear shaped.

Think carefully.

I did have an older male landlord with a dog and it was great. I like dogs but did little else than give cuddles, we largely hit on with our own lives but did the pub quiz every few weeks. We still do it but much less frequently.

That said I would only do it if you wanted the freedom of essentially living out of a few bags and able to move easily. The physical set up sounds good and you may struggle to otherwise find an office included. I can see the appeal of the lack of responsibility and the value but I speak as someone who owns a big house so that could be why it appeals and there may well be some romanticisation of the reality.

not with bulldogs because of your cats, and not with male strangers no.

a female of any age would be fine though. even with say a friendly dog that won’t kill cats, like an elderly tame labrador or something.

hold out. your cats deserve better than potentially being ripped to shreds.

With a MAN who has large dogs?

Are you kidding @TwinklyPinkTurtle

No. WAY.

Have you considered looking for a studio / 1 bedroom flat? It would still be cheaper than a house & at least you’d have it all to yourself.

With a man? Absolutely not. You'll be having to watch your back constantly and he'll probably fix up spy cams in the shower. Surely no woman would be this naïve?

You might not like the idea of this, but if you genuinely want to retrain as a nurse or buy a house, why not move back in with you parents?

I would say only do this if you have an end goal in mind.

If you work from home, you can live anywhere.

Where we are, a lot of people move out of the area cos it’s cheaper, some have moved to where we are cos it’s cheaper.

I would look at buying further out if you don’t need to be somewhere cos of work

I’d do it, and in fact have done it many times in my 20s and 30s, for the same reasons as you! I’ve lived in a houseshare with 4 strangers, all of them men, with a shared bathroom. I also shared a tiny 2 bed flat (also shared bathroom and kitchen) with a man.
Age 26 I lodged with a man in his 50s for 18 months to save money for a masters.

I met my housemates first before signing, checked there was a bolt on my bedroom door, and on the bathroom door, and as long as there was, I was happy! All the men were absolutely fine, in fact many of them were lovely.

The dogs wouldn’t bother me, but that’s a personal preference thing.

Obviously not a situation everyone would be happy with, for a variety of reasons, but if you ARE comfortable then YANBU at all, I think lodgings / house-share is a very sensible move to save money.

Just a shame about your cats, but hopefully your parents will be happy to hand them back over once you buy your house :-)

No Definitely not. I’d never move without my cats and I could not live with a strange man.

Could you not take in a lodger yourself? Your house your rules and pop the rent in your savings.

I’ve had the same male lodger for 15 years and it’s worked really well. We live our own lives with chats from time to time, and he has his own bathroom and kitchen. He’s the easiest person I’ve lived with, quiet and considerate. I think it all depends on the person you share with- it can be enriching rather than a sacrifice. Trust your insticts!

I would and have done it, and I had two lodgers myself when I managed to buy a house. It generally worked out really well.

My friend also had a lodger who stayed for years and ended up being her child's godmother!

I saved loads of money. Definitely was worth it to me. But I found it generally worked best if the other people were at least friends-of-a friend. I'm not a dog person so I wouldn't be keen on that.

I would be worried about cameras in your room and bathroom, locks on your doors that have additional keys you don't know about, and being pressured or otherwise coerced into becoming the house cleaner. Does he have past tenants who can give him a referral? If so, meet them in person, if you can. If he's just a regular safe human being, it should be fine. This is why you may want to speak to past tenants.

If it was a woman I’d do it, not with a man that I didn’t already know well (eg as a friend, relative or colleague)

I know this is terribly judgemental but I can’t imagine a man with 2 large dogs being a quiet, leave-you-to-your-own-devices, passive type of character.
I’m well aware I’m stereotyping here but when it comes to choosing someone to house share with, I’d say absolutely not.

I know lots of people still in house shares in their 30s. Nice to have company and save money. Maybe try for a year but I would suggest living with a woman/women or a mixed group. You might actually have a good time!