AIBU to consider lodging with a stranger to save money at 36?

[TwinklyPinkTurtle]

I've lived on my own for around 6 years now in a rented house with my two cats, no kids. 36F.

The cost of living is getting worse and although I'm not completely skint at the end of the month I'm not able to save for thing's I'd like ie. house deposit, to travel etc. I'd also like to retrain as a nurse/social worker and I wouldnt be able to afford going back to uni full time (I'm aware of what I'd be entitled too with SF).

I have an opportunity to lodge a room in a 4 bedroom house on a new build estate with my own seperate bathroom and office with full use of the rest of the house. Bills included with no particular house rules attached but it would be with a 48 year old man I don't already know and he has two dogs, one a large bulldog. He's already said I wouldn't be expected to care for them but it would be good they would have company as I work from home full time.

AIBU by thinking this is a stupid idea giving up my rental to lodge with technically less rights for the sake of saving money. Id need to rehome my cats at my parents and I'm also struggling with the idea of losing independence and privacy at the age of 36 when everyone else I know is married, living with partners etc..

I wouldn't do it. I think that moving in with a man who is a stranger is risky. I also wouldn't want to be company for 2 dogs. You'll end up looking after them.

Hold out for a better lodger situation if you want to lodge. Surely it would be possible to find one without two dogs in situ and which might allow you to have your cats living with you? Regardless of your own pets, I wouldn’t want to be WFH in a house with dogs whose owner wanted me to be ‘company’ for them.

I'd do it for the sake of buying a house after, say, two years. I wouldn't do it for the sake of taking on student debt. I also wouldn't give up pets for it, nor would I move into a property with dogs, because I don't like dogs.

I would lodge, but not with him and dont rehome your cats, find a flat share with someone who likes cats.

I think lodging (or renting somewhere bigger yourself and taking in a lodger) is a good way to save money, but this situation doesn't sound like the right one.

How much money would you save? Is moving back to your parents an option?

No, I wouldn't move in with a strange man who has two dogs! I wouldn't give up my cats, either.

If you're happy living with other people then there would be much better matches for you.

Depends on a lot of things.

How much will the homeowner be around? Does he seem like someone you could get on with?

Does he have proper arrangements for his dogs or could you end up feeling responsible for them while he's at work etc. How well behaved are they?

What if your working arrangements change and you're out a lot if he's assuming you're going to be company for his dogs.

Having to rehome your cats feels off too.

If it's only a couple of years while you save a deposit, could you move back in with your parents?

I think this will be very difficult to find. I think anyone who is happy to live with a cat and owns their own home (as I presume the man does) probably has their own cat. And they would be unlikely to want to take the risk of two new cats moving in.
You could try finding someone to buddy up with (as they say on Spareroom), OP. Might have more luck finding a cat lover who is currently cat-less on there.

Honestly I think you’d be mad to give up your independence to take on student debt, with the aim of working in professions that are notoriously underpaid. And that’s before you bring all the issues of an unknown man and several dogs into the mix.

You sound like you’re unhappy with your situation and it’s good you want to change if you are but your cats are your family, Id wait until something better comes along or if you have the possibility move in with parents

what do you do for a living now? OP?
i’m not entirely convinced all of this retraining nonsense at the age of 36 is actually of any value to people. You’ve picked a job now. Just excel at that role.

I didn't see you wanted to retrain OP.
Don't agree with pp that you should stick with a job you presumably don't enjoy but nursing and social work are pretty tough and as another pp said badly paid. Is there anything else you could consider? A new role in whatever sector you are in? Or something new but with better prospects?

Not me.

I wouldn't share a house with a random man, especially not with a bulldog. They smell awful.

This.

Why do so many women target low paid professions? Including ones that are bloody hard work. It’s a huge factor in the gender pay gap. Self-sabotage at its finest.

Want to save a house deposit and have the opportunity to retrain? Then retrain in a high paying career…

In itself choosing to be a lodger for a bit as a single, child- and pet free 36 year old woman, with a plan to use a frugal phase to save up for concrete future plans is sensible.

Moving in with a man you don't know who has two large dogs is not sensible.

Keep an eye out for a similar arrangement with a woman landlord and no large dogs.

Not with a man. Not with large dogs. I think being a lodger is a good idea but look on spareroom.co.uk for statistically safer options.

I lodged for a couple of years.

You’d need to be very, very clear on expectations. I was lodging because it was all I could afford at the time & I wanted to spend most of the time in my room. My landlady was a chatty type who wanted company.

Also ask before moving in about visitors. I had a shock when my landlady got cross about me bringing friends back to my room without asking her in advance. I never had anyone to stay overnight but that’s one of the things that comes up most often in lodger threads.

I left as soon as I could afford to rent on my own but in retrospect there are a lot of questions I should have asked beforehand. And I’d never have shared a house just with a man.

It all sounds great until you said he has two dogs.
You’d still be able to see your cats/save money/only share with one person but you would 100% end up looking after those two dogs.
He sees it as a benefit that they’d have company all day as you’re working from home so he’s already taking into account that you’d be looking after them during the day. Would he be expecting you to use your lunch hour to walk his dogs? If they fight/get poorly during your working hours, will he hold you accountable? Will you lose your home if one of his dogs gets out of the house/falls ill while you’re there?

If house sharing would work for you, I’d look for someone without dogs/possibly another female in a similar position to you x

I wouldn’t want to live with a random man and potentially aggressive dogs. He’ll soon be trying to get you to look after them. Hold out for something better.

If you’re ok with having your cats at your parents for a while it’s a great idea. Finding a place with your own bathroom and office is great.

If you’re feeling really sad about the cat situation I would hold on out a bit longer and try and find somewhere else where your cats could come.

The drive of being able to actually save to travel or get a house deposit together could be really exciting and motivating.

on another note, could you not just got back to your parents for a year, year and a half? If you were to broach the situation with them and say you’d like to get a house deposit together and would you be able to live with them rent free or very cheaply would that be an option?

I would only do it for a set period of e.g. 6 months or a year to save very hard for studying, travelling etc. I can see the appeal for some people, but my friend’s mum had lodgers for years and they were a strange bunch. Mostly single people 40+ who worked and could’ve afforded to live alone but chose to be long term lodgers. I would want to meet the man in person and chat things through extensively. With your own bathroom and office it sounds like a pretty good set up compared to the houses where people are living in one room in a family’s home. How much would it save you per month?

Why don’t you get a lodger in your house?

Well this is very discouraging, 36 isn’t exactly over the hill. People retrain at all ages to do something they enjoy more or are passionate about. OP shouldn’t have to spend 40 hours a week for the next 30 years doing something she doesn’t want to do. You don’t have to just pick a random career and slog away at it

I’d do it but would choose a woman to lodge with. I know NAMALT etc, he’s probably a nice man but I just wouldn’t take the risk with my home and therefore well being. The access he’d have to you/your life and the power that would give him is just too much imo.