AIBU to feel annoyed about my daughter's dads wife for Father's Day ?

[annwinters]

I’m so pissed off at my kids dad’s wife! I have found out today from my little girl who’s only 6, that her dad’s wife has taken her shopping this week to buy her dad a Father’s Day gift. I was going to take her today to do it but she told me that his wife had taken her this week. I called her dad and he told me that yeah she had taken her and it’s no big deal.

I am so angry. Before anyone says anything I’m not jealous - me and him were never in a proper relationship and we’re both married to people.

I’ve done Father’s Day gifts always but he’s never bothered. I got a snotty text last year telling me that he didn’t want me to get him presents from our daughter as it “blurs boundaries” (obviously instigated by his wife!!!)

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone

I think you’re being a bit silly, it’s one less thing to have to worry about surely?

Sounds like she's saved you a job and some money!! Be grateful your dd has someone else in her life that obviously cares about her.

Your 6 year old is old enough to shop with an adult. Let his wife do it.

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family

But they ARE family. Would you rather her step mum played the evil stepmother? It's nice that she cares about your daughter and her relationship with her Dad. YABVU as much as that might hurt

for goodness sake, Father’s Day gifts. Life is too short! A hug and a card. Isn’t enough surely?

Sounds like his wife did it to score points. Ignore her.

As a child of separated parents it made way more sense for stuff to do with dad to happen in dad's house with his partner and stuff to do with mum happened in her house. They were civil with eachother, but father's day stopped being mums business or priority when they split, and same for mothers day for dad.

Are you not a happy family with the person you married?

let it go. Honestly, why do you care? His wife can do the wife work for Father’s Day.

She’s doing a nice thing. Maybe a thank you would be a good idea?

Uh… you forfeited this bit of life when you split up with him…

They are a happy family, as are you with your husband, apparently…

YABU.
I split up with my dd’s dad when she was a baby - not a very amicable split as he cheated. The first couple of years I never bought him anything for her cos she was oblivious.

when she was old enough to understand I always took her shopping to buy him a Father’s Day present (and also birthdays, Xmas etc). I was doing it for her benefit and to teach her about kindness and thought etc.

however as soon as he became serious with his new partner and she was involved in my dds life, I’ve left that to her to sort. It’s nothing to do with me.

its between my Dd and her dad so as long as she has an adult who is happy to take her shopping then its one less job for me! (It’s also a bonus that I’m no longer paying! Plus She’ll clearly know him better than I now do)

I’d be delighted, one less thing for you to deal with.

🙄 He asked you a year ago not to do gifts... but yiu didn't respect that and you were going to get something today? Why is it you feel he isn't entitled to boundaries?

Surely it makes more sense for her to organise something for her husband. Why would you want to be involved? She sounds thoughtful and kind towards your daughter.

This is not your thing OP. Anything to do with him is for their family.

YABU

I have no interest in paying for a gift for my kids to give their dad! His wife does it and that is fine by me!

Thanking her for what exactly??! Surely the thanks to the stepmum would come from the dad?

and I actually think OP is being completey unreasonable to be annoyed by this….i just don’t see why the thanks would be due?

He's your ex, it's not your thing to do anymore, you have to let it go.

Not everything is about you OP! Give your DD a break and move on - seriously you have another 10 or more years to negotiate shared parenting with your wider family. I think this was a kind gesture and unless you gave concerns re shared parenting or any abuse towards your child you should be grateful that someone takes an interest and is supportive of what your child wants.

You sound obsessed with him I’m not surprised his wife wants to put in boundaries, and I am ALWAYS on mums side normally!

Reverse? If it isn't a reverse then OP you ar being ridiculous. There is nothing to be cross about here or any boundaries crossed.

YABVU , they aren’t pretending to be a happy family , they are a happy family and that is the real issue for you .

Father's day is nothing to do with you. It should be the Father's wife/family taking on that responsibility.

Can she get my kids dad something while she's at it?

It sounds like she's got jealous of you buying her husband gifts and he's getting it in the neck for it so he's asked you to stop (at her request). If you're not jealous as you say then let her crack on. It's such a small thing and your daughter is still getting to celebrate her dad. She's not taking anything away from you or your daughter.

You are nuts! Of course this is for his wife to do. Stay out of it!