AIBU to want a cleaner while being a SAHM?

[Ayla1991]

I became a SAHM almost 2 years ago to my 2 DDs (21 months and 4 year old). I look after the 21 month old full time and the 4 year old is at nursery 3.5/4 days a week. Before this my husband and I shared household chores 50/50 with me taking on slightly more. Since becoming a SAHM I do all the cooking, cleaning and admin but he helps a lot when he gets home from work. This is mainly things like tidying after dinner, taking the bins out and feeding the dogs, so no big jobs, although I am very grateful he helps as I consider most of the home stuff my job.

Now for the AIBU. I absolutely despise cleaning. I know it’s my job now as a SAHM but I hate it so much. I also don’t have much time to do it as my 21 month old barely naps, only around 30 mins a day if at all and both kids have late bed times (low sleep needs) so I clean when my husband can watch the kids on the weekend or after the kids sleep at like 10pm. I would really love to get a cleaner maybe even once a month to do the jobs I really hate doing.

I know people may ask if we can afford it and that’s the tricky bit. We can’t sustain our current lifestyle on just my husbands salary but we are partly supported by my redundancy package which was pretty generous and can probably last another year or so, however the more we spend the less time I can have off work. So technically we can afford it but it probably isn’t wise

i know my husband would support it and he always offers to do the cleaning since I also have a problem with my right arm which makes the heavy jobs painful, but I really don’t feel right him doing it. So my question is, would you judge a SAHM for having a cleaner? Do other SAHMs do this?

Yes, I would judge you. I think it would be a waste of your limited resources.

Try the organised mum method. There's a group on FB.

Did you fall through a time warp into the 1950’s?

This is what happened to me when I was on maternity leave. I think the hormones addled me a bit. Fortunately dh was still clear headed enough to understand that taking on the care of a newborn, and his share of domestic duties while waking every 3 hours to breastfeed wasn’t any reasonable person’s idea of fair.

I wouldn’t judge you. Cleaning is boring. If you can find a way to afford it, pay for someone else to do it!

Sahm here. Lower your standards while the kids are small. I hate cleaning as well so I do understand you.

I kept my cleaner when I was on mat leave twice, but we could afford it quite easily. I wouldn’t use redundancy money to pay for a cleaner unless you plan to go back to work when your youngest is in school/nursery.

Why are so many people worried about being 'judged'?

Surely you don't live your life day in and day out worrying about what other people think?

And then there's the fact that if you weren't judged by the majority, you'd still be judged by a minority as you can't please everyone in the world 😳

I think it’s totally up to you but I would personally say with children so young it’s a waste of money.

I briefly had a cleaner when pregnant and although I was part time at work (three days a week) I struggled to get much / anything done with ds around. However, no sooner had she been than it needed cleaning again, and plus tidying before she came was very stressful.

Then so many cleaners just take the piss to be honest; half hearted jobs and leaving early. We’re now in the position where we have a serious illness in the family but I’m not bothering with another cleaner. I am getting a robomop though!

If you are comfortable with it financially, just do it. Parenting is tough and just do anything you can to make your life easier.

So you can’t afford it, but you don’t like cleaning so want to pay a cleaner, even though your husband is doing the cleaning and tidying when finished work. Do you plan to work?

These sorts of posts really put me off using this place, tbh. It’s so snide and just, well, rude.

The exact same point could be made directly with ‘honestly yes, I would judge because you don’t work, can’t afford it and your husband is already cleaning and tidying.’

Do whatever works for you. Nobody else will care or even know.

You don’t need to ask. Make your decision

I don’t see why you would be restricted to cleaning in the evening because your almost 2 year old doesn’t nap though.
Mine are similar ages although oldest has less nursery time, I just tidy and clean around them? Sometimes we’re doing other things, or we choose to be out all day and I don’t get anything done so DH and I do it in the evening but there’s really no reason to not be able to clean around a nearly 2 year old.

If you can’t sustain your lifestyle on your DH’s salary and you don’t work it’s insane to deplete your savings even further every month for a cleaner when do do have time to just keep on top of it.

Honestly if we were in your situation I'd tell my husband to fuck right off if he were at home and wanted to spend money we didn't have on a cleaner because he didn't like doing it.

We all have to do things we don't especially like.

I’m a sahm and have weekly cleaners, it is what it is. We’ve got four bathrooms and I can’t stand cleaning them and even with them there’s still so much I have to bloody do as it’s never ending!

Oh fuck off. Of course you can have a cleaner as a SAHM. It’s drudgery keeping the house clean and relentless looking after young kids. If you can afford it, go ahead and do it. And also who actually gives a flying fuck what other people think? Anyone who judges you does it through envy.

Guess what…I am a SAHM and my kids are late teens. We’ve had a cleaner from when second child was born. It’s bloody fantastic. Fuck off to those people who think I can traipse around the house polishing woodwork and toilet bowls because I’m not working outside the house. Added bonus DH never had to come home and do things like this on his weekends. Win win.

(Yes, people who will undoubtedly ask, I am busy and can fill my days even though kids are almost grown up and no, I’m not bored).

He doesn’t do the cleaning and tidying when he finishes work. We do it together and there isn’t much to do by the time he gets home.

I plan to go back to work when youngest is 3 and in nursery.

@JillThePlantKiller i get that and I was the same on mat leave but I think having a newborn is different

@Honeyhonay i can’t leave her alone downstairs and go up and clean bathrooms, hoover, mop etc. I clean the kitchen and living room all day around her

Since when can a parent not do any home tasks unless their child is asleep? This is ridiculous!

You need to cook or clean the kitchen? Put then on the floor and give big spoons and boxes to play with.

Bedrooms? Put the bedding down and they can play with a tent.

Living room? They can have toys or they can watch TV for 30 minutes.

It's such a poor excuse with only one child.

😂 I love it

unfortunately as much as I wish I didn’t, I care when people judge me!

Don’t tell them then 🤷‍♀️

No I wouldn’t judge one bit. I also hate doing housework (don’t mind cooking, cleaning kitchen and doing laundry though)

if you can afford it then get someone in for a couple of hours every 2 weeks, depending on how big your house is that might be enough time to keep things ticking along.

I don't work, don't volunteer, have no children, pets or caring responsibilities. I have a cleaner because I don't like doing housework. I don't feel any guilt whatsoever. The cleaner is much better at housework than I am and enjoys the flexibility that being self employed gives her.

My DD was a SAHM and said to her DH that she'd given up her very lucrative career in order to bring up their DC (and not pay for childcare) NOT to do housework. They've had a cleaner for years. If you can afford it, do it

I'm always amazed when people ask ...but but what do you do all day? It says more about them than about me that they can't imagine filling up their days with other things than work. How unimaginative.