AIBU to expect my husband to take over after his trip?

[Pontp]

My DH has been in Boston for the World Cup for 10 days now, 3 more to go. I decided to take our 2 year old son on holiday with my mum and auntie as I figured flying solo in the sun would be easier than at home plus juggling work.

I naively thought I’d have a bit more help from my mum and auntie but they just drank wine the whole holiday - fair enough though as it’s their holiday too!

I’m feeling absolutely exhausted as I was up at 6 every morning with DS, made and fed him every meal, put him to bed every night (45 mins of chaos), woke a few times in the night with him and spent all day every day running around after hin (having lots of fun and making memories might I add!). Meanwhile I can’t help but feel this is a huge contrast to DH who has zero responsibilities right now and is lying in til 10 every morning.

The reason for my post is I’m wondering what is reasonable when he gets home. I want to hand him DS and have him do every bedtime, every wake through the night and every morning wake until I’ve caught up on some of my exhaustion.

I mentioned this to my mum but she said it was harsh because he was losing a nights sleep on his way home due to a night flight and he will be jet lagged

AIBU?

You chose to go away knowing he'd be drained when he got back, plus jet lag.

I think you're unreasonable.

Yanbu, you need to tell your dh now so he knows how exhausted you are and that he needs to be prepared to take over when he gets home. So he should try and sleep on the plane/not go totally mad and keep some energy for parenting when he lands. 13 days is a great break when you have a toddler.

Yeah where you stayed with DS is irrelevant. He’s had a lovely 2 week holiday, you’ve been parenting your child. So it’s your time for a rest when he comes back. I’m sure if you went away for 2 weeks he’d have something to say!!

I guess it depends if he’s normally hands on or if he generally expects you to do it all

Tbh the jet lag isn’t bad from Boston

I can understand why you'd be feeling that way. You must be exhausted. If you need him to be extra helpful to begin with, then ask him. With respect, you're coming across a little like you're angry at him and want to punish him a bit. He should certainly be taking a bit more of the reins, but don't punish him for taking the trip. Going to the world cup is a pretty special memory making trip. If I were you, I wouldn't make him feel bad about going. Hopefully he will step up without being asked. Hopefully he will appreciate what you've done and have missed the kids and be happy to.

It has nothing to do with your Mum. I would tell him you're happy he's home, you've missed him, the kids have missed him. You're exhausted and would appreciate help in catching up with sleep. Hopefully he'll be happy to help. Try not to create conflict where there might not be any yet. If he refuses to help out appropriately after having 10 days off that's another matter. Make sure you book yourself a break doing something you love and hopefully he'll be happy to accommodate that too.

We are just back from a week in Florida and the 5 hour difference is definitely enough to know you on your arse for a couple of days!

It’s called being a mum

YABU, but only to the extent that you seem to want to hand over the kids the minute he walks through the door. Give it 48 hours and then say that you could do with some me time.

I had 2 horrendous days of jet lag flying back from New York - it's put me off ever doing it again to be honest and I barely slept on the plane as we flew economy.

However he's had 14 days of pure relaxation and I'd expect him to more than make up for it once he's recovered.

🤣 I used to land 5am - get home and have an hours sleep, go to work and have an early night so next day was fine.

i’d give him a little leeway on the day he lands but not after!

The jetlag is awful coming from the States. He might well be awake all night anyway for several nights!

Let him get over the jetlag then book a solo holiday yourself.

I’m not sure I understand your reply. The alternative was staying at home and working 9 hour days plus nursery pick up and drop off, housework etc. That would be more exhausting than going on holiday.

He’s the one who chose to opt out of parenting for nearly two weeks

Parenting your own child on holiday is to be expected.

YANBU to be fed up with your dh who is off on an expensive jolly leaving you to be a solo parent.

Is he on a jolly, or is he working?

What is he normally like when he's at home? Does he expect to/does he do his fair share?

Why are toy walking to your mother about that? You should be talking to your DH

So him looking after the child will be called him being a Dad?.

OP
I hope he’s reasonable and appreciative of your effort in facilitating his 2 weeks break.

Personally I’ve never suffered from jet lag, but find it hard to believe it’s more exhausting than you having your sleep interrupted every night.

My DH has just come back from a work trip and will be tired. I will still expect him to pick up a few little jobs now he's back to show appreciation for me carrying the load.

When my kids were younger, he would do a lot more as knew the burden on me was even greater.

If yours has been away just for fun, he should definitely step up. If he doesn't, make sure you go away for a few days some time soon.

YANBU regarding DH taking over childcare when he gets home, although like PP I think maybe give him a day or two to get over jetlag.

YABU to say you were "making memories" with a 2 year old. They aren't going to remember it.

Your expectations are totally reasonable. But it would definitely be a good idea to set expectations with him now.

Don’t you have memories from when your kids were 2? DS won’t remember but I very much made memories that’ll I’ll look back on fondly for years to come

Ok, that makes sense. I thought you meant making memories for him.

Next time, take a week of annual leave from work and still use nursery. You'll get plenty of rest then .