To think life is more of a pain in the arse than it's worth

[CurdinHenry]

Another day another random assortment of hassle and pain

And this is pretty much the best it's ever been (ok the 00s were better)

Aibu to wonder why this is a secret truth?

😂
Cheer up OP, go watch some of the WC matches.

Good for you and I hope you have fun. There are also others who will have similar plans and don't know yet that they will have to cancel them because their child's medical condition is going to flare and they're going to be spending hours in emergency (yet again). Honestly, losing my career is the least of anything I've lost in life and I was pretty attached to that.

Well it’s certainly a roller coaster if nothing else. Good times getting ruined by bad times. Bad times calming into good times, good times getting ruined by bad times, and so it goes on in a never ending circle.

I agree with your mother.

I feel so sorry for the young people in Japan where people are living and longer and using up so many resources.

The young people are getting fed up and I don't blame them.

Then you turn on the tv in the UK and the presenters speak about Japan's longevity with envy. I am not envious, I am grateful that people are dying earlier here and saving resources for the younger generation. At least we are good at something.

Yes. There is no point to living and life is more of a drag than it is a pleasure.

I also think the link to personal finances and contentment is hugely underestimated. Not everyone has two healthy incomes coming in, can comfortably retire early, be mortgage free by 60. Lots of things improve my well-being, one of them being spending money to do stuff, and I just don’t have the disposable money to enough of that. Invariably, going for a bike ride or sitting in my garden does fuck all for me.

I agree with this. I have been through some incredibly stressful things in my life, but the one thing that has pretty much kept me sane is that I find it very easy, and it takes very little, for me to feel content. I think this has been my saviour really.

I can understand not wanting to be old and sick and live a long life where you have no quality of life. Many at 75 are still active and full of life though.

What kind of resources are you meaning when you say it's selfish to use resources?

I agree. In fact, having lived through so much has enriched my life in terms of what I experience now. I do live a very full and good life. I would prefer to have not gone through so much pain to have got to that point and would swap, but I am grateful for the silver lining of the richness I have found in life. That doesn't negate the struggle underneath, of course. Just that life can be beautiful alongside it.

Of course we happy people have experienced terrible times.

• my dad died slowly of dementia - I cherish the memories of him before that and think of how proud he’d be of how his grandchildren are thriving and what amazing adults they have become
• my infant brother died suddenly when I was just a child. It was horrendous but taught me that I deeply love my remaining siblings and we have a wonderful relationship filled with laughter, closeness and joy. My little brother would have wanted that.
• I’ve got a chronic health condition and have had numerous setbacks and surgeries. I’ve made good strong relationships with my medical teams who wave cheerfully and empathetically when I show up (again)
• my precious cat died. We buried her and planted a beautiful rose on top. It died too so
• we got another and it’s fully in bloom. Gorgeous !

yes the shot happens - and sometimes comes thick and fast - but riding the storm and finding the positive every day brings the joy. If you let it.

It’s all relative, isn’t it. I don’t have children or any sick/dying relatives, so career problems are the worst thing that could happen to me right now. I could let my world collapse and wallow in self-pity, or I could focus on areas of my life that aren’t a shitstorm and find joy there. I choose the latter.

That being said, I do accept that that choice is perhaps easier for me (glass half full person, always have been) than it might be for others, who are prone to depression, anxiety, etc.

I actually take a keen interest in antinatalism and the work of David Benatar and find this a very interesting discussion. My view is life may not be worth starting, but we have no choice in this therefore once we’re here, it’s worth continuing and making the most of life.

I agree personality can be part of it, but some things are so huge, it's going to have an impact no matter what.

I'm interested in the concept of antinatalism as a theory. When I had my children I was young and optimistic and sure I could give them a great life. I did until the suffering, that antinatalism sees as a problem to inflict on your offspring just by having them, showed itself (sudden death of a child, diagnosis of other children and myself with similar and other conditions). While I wouldn't say my childhood was easy, I didn't have anything big like the loss of a sibling or parent. Unfortunately my children did. This wasn't and couldn't be foreseen. It wasn't something I could protect them from. So the idea of ethics around being born to be allowed to suffer is interesting.

That said, my children are happy to be here in spite of it and do enjoy their lives.

Yes we have. My father died when I was 17. My mother also had dementia. My DH has had cancer which he thankfully survived.

All resources, water, energy, the state pension, care paid for by the state...

Everything basically that an old person uses when they have already lived a long life and should be grateful because so many other people do not.

And what if you're a 75 year old still living a full and happy life? What's wrong with that? Those young people will get to use all those resources in their own good time.

Well, if you want to then no-one can stop you but I personally think that it is selfish.

That is just my opinion and I hope that life expectancy keeps on decreasing.

Where are the young going to get their resources from if they are all used up caring for older people as in Japan?

I don't see that happening but you're entitled to your perspective. We're currently in a peak of elderly need and, due to smaller sized families that the boomer generation had (I don't use that term in a negative way), there will be less older people in future decades.

While I have a good quality of life, I plan to stick around and enjoy it. I want to get old as I have a disabled child I'm caring for and I want to be here and capable for them as long as possible. That's a very unselfish motivation on my part. Otherwise I'd probably be 'whatever will be, will be'. I have other reasons to want to stick around and be capable.

Well, caring for a disabled child is totally different and is totally unselfish.

I also need to care for my disabled husband, but after that, I don't want to keep living and living and using resources.

There is no point to living and life is more of a drag than it is a pleasure.

we’ll change your life then @berlinbaby2025. You can literally change it tomorrow. I’m an absolute nihilist and agree with the first point - which makes the second point easy to deal with. What would make your life more a pleasure than a drag? Quitting your job and going to live on a beach in Bali? Joining a commune and living off the land? Moving to a windswept Scottish Island? Or just not doing all those ‘draggy’ things and doing small things you enjoy. Today, I’ve said fuck it to my admin list and am chilling under my sun shade. Whatever it is. Just do it

@CurdinHenry I think you should stop using MN as your therapy (not just this thread) and seek help in the real world.

If everyone else is a little bit shit, it's not (just) them

Take control back then. Do things that you want to do, invest in your future, enjoy that you are part of the universe and finds things you love.

I agree. My greatest desire is to see my adored grandchildren reach adulthood. My father was a serial entrepreneur & launched a new business in his 70s because it kept him going between holidays etc & made him happy. He was very fit & healthy & never really stopped working.To say older people are using up resources therefore denying the young is utterly atrocious.

These mindsets are largely affected by situations our of our control e.g. economic, war etc. But some of it can be altered by changing long term personal habits such as exercising more, finding people who are actually interesting to you to socialise with and learning new skills. Actions like these have been shown to shift a person's mindset to more positive and receptive to the good in life.

What a lot of misery guts there are on this thread. I think that part of it is a (maybe unconscious) desire to bring others down and tell them that their joy isn't real, which is meanspirited. If you are a meanspirited person, then you will never be happy.

Part time work and only having one child are my suggestions for helping to make sure life is not more of a stress than it's worth.

Not as easy as it sounds. I have PTSD, ADHD, EUPD which means every single day is a struggle. My life objectively is not that bad, and I do get a lot of small pleasures. But honestly, I’m exhausted all the time. I can’t choose not to be ill.