To think life is more of a pain in the arse than it's worth

[CurdinHenry]

Another day another random assortment of hassle and pain

And this is pretty much the best it's ever been (ok the 00s were better)

Aibu to wonder why this is a secret truth?

It happened decades ago. Of course such an awful event would be with them for the rest of their life, but they had more children and have been great members of the community, giving lots of their time to various organisations. Some people are genuinely able to pick themselves up and carry on.

I picked up on ‘for a while’. Maybe that’s it, some people have a bounce-back personality and can get on and enjoy life easily once again and others don’t, these events darken their world permanently.

Or choose not to make those things the main focus of your existence.

And that is my motivation to get up out of bed and thoroughly enjoy my working day today. The sun is shining too, happy days 😀

I think this nails it. I have been through far more tragedy and most (I know it isn't a competition, but sadly I do always win for worst things that could ever happen to anyone) but the smell of a rose after rain can still bring me pleasure. Admittedly, that is hard won through times of despair, but I also think must be innate. I know people who objectively have had fairly straightforward lives but are very 'woe is me'.

I think the ability to take pleasure in simple things is the key to happiness and maybe it is innate. I am grateful to have it.

OP would it make any difference to know that it is a miracle you’re here at all? You’re the result of one egg meeting one out of possibly 300 million sperm. Had it been a different sperm, then…no you.

Have you heard of nihalism op? It's basically the belief that life is meaningless and pointless. Which it kind of is as we just randomly pop in and out of existence on this rock floating through space.

I think exactly the same as you when I'm in my dark places usually when it's midwinter and everything seems bleak. As soon as spring comes I perk up and I'm happy as Larry.

Basically my life is good right now. So it means I feel good. My life has been shit before and I felt shit. My aim in life now is to keep an even keel, stay away from the drama as much as possible.

The fact is I'm alive whether I like it or not and I can either be miserable or happy. So I do things to try and keep the happiness around. Stay away from news and social media. Get out in nature. Blast through the chores with music so I can go spend my time chilling in the woods or on the beach.

Come back to me and ask again when life's wheel has spun around and I'm at a low point. I can forsee serious health problems in my family as we age so I'm enjoying the good times now whilst they last. I have already decided that if I get very old, ill and lonely I will just stroll off a cliff if no other humane option is available to me. Stuff pointless suffering for years on end. I'd have had a good go at life.

It's always there underneath though. Unfortunately I don't have to imagine.

That doesn't mean they aren't affected by it, even if you can't see it. I can guarantee they are not carrying on the same.

Good for you, but we are all different.

Yes, I love my life at the moment because I am healthy and happy, but I certainly don't want to live for ever.

I don't want to use up resources which can be used for younger people. I am grateful that I have lived so long as so many other people do not.

It's all a learning curve.
Prep for the next life or Heaven.

Naaahhh... pseudointellectual snobbery

I never said they are carrying on the same and of course they are affected by it, but find it interesting that you, who have no idea who these people are, seem to know more about them than I do. People can, and do, still find joy in life in the face of unimaginable tragedy, whether you can understand that or not.

What makes you think you can't be healthy and happy after the age of 75? This afternoon I went out for a walk with my almost 82 year old neighbour, who is still enjoying a fulfilling life.

No-one mentioned "living forever", but 75 is not really old these days. However if you are happy to check out when you could still have many good years ahead of you then that's your choice.

I know a lot of bereaved parents. And yes, unfortunately, I can understand it intimately. Can you? Have you lived it?

Chances are you may have no idea who they really are, even if you think you do. Depending on when you got to know them and how you know them. People only see what bereaved parents present to the public. These days, I don't even tell people who haven't also lost a child. They think they are close friends but how close can you be if you don't know something so fundamental about someone?

Or there is nothing and we fade away as the electrical signals in our body that kept us alive and thinking die. Forever. I'm okay with that.

75 is still relatively young these days. I've noticed there's a huge variation in health at that age though. Not always lifestyle but sometimes just unlucky.

Some of it perspective, there’s a lot of stuff around ‘power’ perspectives and how you frame things. For some people they naturally approach things with that kind of perspective and others don’t. So for some people when a bad thing happens, it reaffirms their perspective that everything is shit. For others, it’s a blip on the road where everything is otherwise good.

I would say I have more of a ‘power’ perspective nowadays and I do really enjoy life. Not every moment of it obviously but overall I find joy in a lot of things, I would describe myself as a happy person.

Agree with this! My life has been turned upside down from a career perspective, but I’m still enjoying life outside that. This weekend I’m spending a long weekend in the UK (I live overseas), going to a music festival, seeing family, splurging on a luxurious facial, etc. There’s so much joy in the world if you consciously and proactively look for it!

This. I wasn’t able to have children, because of fertility issues. I was very sad about it for a long time. But things got better. We decided to embrace the good things about childfree life, have dogs, lots of lovely holidays. I got the chance to retire at 58 on a voluntary early exit package and I took it. Been very happy since. Now 65. I am a believer in the adage “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.

Life is forced on you. There is no choice about whether or not you are born. Suicide is frowned on and even if they do eventually bring in euthanasia, it'll only be valid for sufferers of physical illness.
I work with lots of people with painful and debilitating conditions that would choose death but they are forced to live with carers four times a day. Still, their continual forced existence provides a whole industry to exist and creates jobs.
When all you actually have is your own life. You are denied doing with it what you will.
Given the choice, I'd have given mine to friends that died and I'd have died in their place.
The 'seek help' people need not respond to this post.

I might well be happy, but I am using up resources and I don't want to be selfish.

If I live until 75 then I will be very grateful, but I don't want to keep living and living.

I feel you today. Going on a weekend away with DH, should be exciting but all I can think about is the amount of hassle with the packing and both the kids going to different places, the dog being cared for, a mammoth day of packing up everyone - hard not to question is this worth it…

Good for you, but I don't want to use up resources when I have already had a long life. I think it is selfish. If you don't then that is fine.

I'm sure the resources you are using are balanced out by those who didn't live long. How is it selfish to use resources? You didn't ask to be born, make the most of the life you do have. You are no less worthy than anyone else. My mother has said she thinks 80 is a good age to get to though and doesn't want to go on too long either.