AIBU to think step siblings can be evening guests only at wedding?

[AnneShirleyBlythe]

My friend’s DD is planning her wedding. She has 3 step siblings who have only
been in her life for around 10 years, since she was about 19. Step siblings are younger (16- 22).

Bride & groom to be are considering a very intimate ceremony (20ish guests) followed by a huge evening reception. Bride to be wants the step siblings to be invited to the evening do. Friend & her DH aren’t happy with this. They think the step siblings should be considered the same as siblings.

IMO it’s fine to do this. Bride’s aunts, uncles
& cousins aren’t going to be invited to the ceremony. Siblings, parents & grandparents & best friends are the only ceremony guests.
My friend & I had quite a heated discussion about it. AIBU to think it’s fine to exclude the step siblings as they are not particularly close?

Sounds fine to me as they don't seem that close. My dad had step siblings but only since he was about 30 and I've only met them a few times. But my uncle's dc from a previous marriage I've known them since I was 15 and I see them as my cousins and no different to my biological ones.

I have 2 step siblings who I did not invite to my wedding at all….mainly because I never saw them and I was paranoid about the cost of whole thing. Looking back I was a bit churlish about it and I don’t think it was the right decision. Not that they particularly care I don’t think but in our slightly strained family didn’t really help matters.

Only if the parents remain married. If the parents divorce then the children will be totally unrelated to each other.

I had 3 step siblings hoisted on me at age 19, and they were 18, 20 and 24.

Despite my dads best efforts and lots of emotional blackmail and even mild threats, they aren’t my siblings and I’m not interested in them.

I’m now 56 and I have no relationship with them whatsoever. I’m sure they are nice enough people, but I’ve got siblings of my own and I wasn’t having anyone forced upon me. I have to put up with a step mum, but I’m not playing happy families with her DC.

The bride and groom invite who they want and feel close to for the ceremony. Jm not a fan of excluding 1 person but not having any of the step siblings is fine.

The bride and groom decide the guest list and everyone else needs to keep out.

My ‘step siblings’ aren’t family to me, despite my parents and their new partners trying to force the relationships. They’re just random people to me so they wouldn’t be invited even to an evening do. Just because parents want new relationships with people who have children, doesn’t mean existing children want new ‘siblings’. People really need to start realising this when they force blended families upon their children.

This.

Sounds fine the way you describe it, they are adults who are not close. Blended families are all about the parents’ wants rather than the children, but then I didn’t invite 2 half siblings to mine (and that was 100 guests).

I think all families are different and some people are close to non-biological family members and some are not. I personally would invite my step- relatives to my wedding because I am close to them and would be very strange if they weren’t there.

In this case I don't see an issue, the bride is not close to them,they are still invited to the reception so it’s not a snub. If I was the bride I’d bypass the mum and stepdad and just talk directly with the step-siblings and explain.

You don’t agree with them? I’m not sure it’s your place, or anyone else’s, to “agree” or disagree with the type of wedding somebody else wants. You can decide on the sort of wedding you agree with when you have one of your own.

If you have to invite stepsiblings because they’re relatives, where does it end? Every cousin and their partner and children have to come too? Parents’ cousins? Their partners?

I guess because I grew up with a religious family so weddings were always huge and everyone in the community would be invited. No issue with people who elope because it’s easier, maybe their families are toxic and they can’t be arsed with the politics- whatever. But when you do have a proper ceremony and choose an exclusive set of people, the ones who just get added on to the after party are inevitably going to feel a bit put out.

I think it should be everyone at both ceremony and party otherwise don’t invite them at all basically.

I think it depends on the relationship they have. If they aren´t close, I wouldn´t invite them. I invited my mum´s stepsister to my wedding and her husband as they are really nice people. Her stepbrother hell would freeze over before I invited him anywhere.

I don’t recall the thread, but if you’re talking about an actual child (rather than the OP’s adult child), surely you can see the difference between inviting a child, but making it clear they’re there under sufferance by actively excluding them from the photos, and simply not inviting adult relatives by marriage because you’re not close?

I didn't grow up with my step siblings and I'm not close to them as adults. I wasn't invited to their weddings and they weren't invited to my brother's. I'm not married. I think step siblings can have very different relationships just like cousins can. Some people wouldn't dream of not inviting cousins, others would put them very low on the list.

I think it's odd that your friend expects them to see eachother as siblings when they met as teens like that.

They are barely step-siblings - they are their mum’s new partner’s kids.

Given the bride was an adult when her mum got together with her partner, she may only have met them a handful of times. DH only sees his DF’s second wife a couple of times a year (doesn’t see his dad much more than that, they are just not a close family). He has never met any of her wider family (Covid wedding)

Not your circus not your monkeys.