AIBU to think step siblings can be evening guests only at wedding?

[AnneShirleyBlythe]

My friend’s DD is planning her wedding. She has 3 step siblings who have only
been in her life for around 10 years, since she was about 19. Step siblings are younger (16- 22).

Bride & groom to be are considering a very intimate ceremony (20ish guests) followed by a huge evening reception. Bride to be wants the step siblings to be invited to the evening do. Friend & her DH aren’t happy with this. They think the step siblings should be considered the same as siblings.

IMO it’s fine to do this. Bride’s aunts, uncles
& cousins aren’t going to be invited to the ceremony. Siblings, parents & grandparents & best friends are the only ceremony guests.
My friend & I had quite a heated discussion about it. AIBU to think it’s fine to exclude the step siblings as they are not particularly close?

In general in ones like this I think the couple can invite whoever they want, but they really should consider if there will be knock on impacts they won't like. Not inviting someone makes a statement that you can't easily take back. Especially when its family. Its fine if you genuinely aren't close, less fine if you normally have a closer relationship that you expect to continue exactly the same afterwards.

In your friends case it's probably fine, I think you only end up with hurt if one side considers the relationship closer than the other which doesn't sound likely with the ages involved.

It’s down to the bride and groom completely who they invite to their wedding. They also may have to deal with the consequences of hurt feelings though.

“Tearing the family apart” 🙄🙄 Christ, get the violins out.

These are adult step siblings. They probably don’t give a shit about not being invited. It’s just the mother of the bride wanting to keep up appearances.

I had 2 half siblings and a step sibling I didn’t even invite. I didn’t invite my “father” either.

They are planning a very small ceremony less than 20 so 3 is a significant number. The eldest SS has a long term boyfriend who she will probably expect to be taking as a plus one so could end up being up to 6 extra if they all have partners. Wedding is still a year away.

Yabvu if you can’t afford step siblings don’t get married especially if the DH wants them there. Sounds like an entitled bridezilla! Maybe he’ll see her behaviour and realise what she is before he takes the plunge/

Edited as quoted wrong post !

Very confusing response! Friend’s daughter is far from a bridezilla! Wedding is going to be quite low key, hence the very small ceremony. And it is the brides step dad who wants them there, groom barely knows them! You’re being nasty about someone you know nothing about.
And do you actually think people shouldn’t get married if they can’t afford to invite people they aren’t close to just because their parents got together? What if a couple can only afford to have their parents & siblings and no other guests? Not acceptable as their aunts & uncles might get upset? Some people get married with just 2 witnesses would you say they shouldn’t get married ? What a bizarre way of thinking!

When I married I made it clear to everyone that I would be having the wedding I wanted and if anyone interfered we’d buggar off alone and do it without guests!
ultimately I think who is invited to a wedding is up to the bride and groom and wish everyone else would mind their own!
People are constantly moaning about who is and isn’t invited to weddings, if you don’t like it, don’t go is my attitude!

What kind of people are we? Please elaborate?

Batshit.

I didn’t make the cut to my own brother’s ceremony and found it so hurtful I didn’t attend the party either. I don’t agree with tiny exclusive ceremonies and definitely don’t agree with relatives (because yes they are relatives via marriage) being excluded from them. If you want to get married, as many people should see the actual marriage as possible otherwise what’s the point in inviting them. Being an evening only guest makes you feel like a little unimportant add on.

It’s only the very small ceremony they won’t get invited to. That part normally isn’t charged per person. They will be invited to the dinner/party afterwards and that’s where the money will be spent. It has nothing to do with not affording to invite them. Just that they want just their closest family and friends there for the ceremony. OP didn’t meet her mum’s partner’s children until she was already an adult so they are not siblings in any sense of the word. Not biologically or familiarity. They really are just her mum’s new partner’s kids.

I didn't even invite my one full sibling to m wedding ( as abroad) But the after party they were all invited. No body was offended

What the fuck are you having these heated discussions for? It isn't your wedding, or your friends for that matter!

The couple can invite whoever they wish to. All blended family dynamics are different and some people barely know their step siblings.

My husband has step brothers that came into his life when we was 18. He doesn’t see them as brothers at all and they weren’t invited to our wedding. Nothing personal and will be pleasant when he sees them but has no relationship with them. Ultimately up to the bride and groom

I had a very very small wedding, my step siblings came into my life when I was 21. We never lived together, never really spent much time together. I didn’t invite them to an already small wedding. I
My sister had a much larger wedding , with all the fan fair. Difference is she was 14 when she meet step siblings, they lived together at weekends and went on holidays for a few years.

As adults some 27 years later we still polite when we see each other, but my younger sister has a much closer relationship with them and my Mums husband.

I think it's fine if the step siblings live locally. It's only a problem if they live a distance away that would require travel and a hotel stay, in that case it's full invite or no invite.

My Mum got salty about my step siblings not being invited to my wedding, but by the time I got married they were strangers to me. She wasn't contributing to the cost of the wedding so she didn't get a say.

Don’t get involved in another family’s arrangements.

I agree with you op. They met as adults and it’s a small wedding. Now if she was having a massive do then it would look like a snub but I think this way it’s fine. There’s actual blood family not going to the ceremony so don’t see why the step dads kids would be offended.

There was a post on here a few months ago where OP’s child was kept out of family wedding photos on her partner’s side because he was her son from a previous relationship. The responses on here were very different indeed, replies were absolutely appalled and said it was shocking behaviour.

Interesting to see the double standard on mumsnet once again when it comes to step-families.

Can you link to the thread? I ask because things like that usually draw a wide variety of responses with no consensus, so it would be interesting to read one that didn't. Although unless the posters are the same ones I'm not sure the 'double standard' argument applies.

Are you ok @Lemonbiscoff , on the right thread?

Or to play devil’s advocate until their Mum divorces and these step siblings are never seen again apart from in the wedding photos. Over 30% of second marriages end in divorce.

Yes, mumsnet isn't a hive mind