AIBU to think step siblings can be evening guests only at wedding?

[AnneShirleyBlythe]

My friend’s DD is planning her wedding. She has 3 step siblings who have only
been in her life for around 10 years, since she was about 19. Step siblings are younger (16- 22).

Bride & groom to be are considering a very intimate ceremony (20ish guests) followed by a huge evening reception. Bride to be wants the step siblings to be invited to the evening do. Friend & her DH aren’t happy with this. They think the step siblings should be considered the same as siblings.

IMO it’s fine to do this. Bride’s aunts, uncles
& cousins aren’t going to be invited to the ceremony. Siblings, parents & grandparents & best friends are the only ceremony guests.
My friend & I had quite a heated discussion about it. AIBU to think it’s fine to exclude the step siblings as they are not particularly close?

Don't get involved. You are 100% correct OP but it is not always necessary to be right and to win arguments - this is not your battle to fight.

It sounds like a similar set up to what I had with my step siblings - dad and step mum married once I was at university, slightly younger step siblings. I get on well with my step siblings when I see them, but we’re not close. If it were a bigger wedding I think it would be a snub, but a small crowd like that I don’t see it as a problem at all - my step brother has done similar and I wasn’t remotely offended by not being there.

I agree with this.

Your friend can’t force her daughter to think of her husbands children as siblings just because she married their dad. I have never considered the children of my parents new partners to be my family/siblings. I wasn’t brought up with them and don’t even particularly like most of them. I only had people I was close to at my wedding so only one of my mums partners kids was invited as we are good friends.

Parents and their partners need to stop pushing their children on to each other.

Wasn't even invited to my step brothers wedding. No problem here, were not close

We are bystanders to brother in laws blended family. The knots that people have tied themselves to welcome, not offend, create memories. It's so painful for the young adults and the younger family. We do a lot of nodding and smiling and then repeat the flimsy family bonding anecdote of adult 1 said child 4 had a great hat as that was the only interaction all afternoon.

Definitely do not get involved. Not your monies not your circus.

I really don’t share that view. I think if your oarent meets someone new when you are already an adult you don’t create a step family. My mum met someones when I was 20. My siblings were all adults too. 27 years later none of us view him as our step dad or his kids as our step siblings. He’s just mum’s partner and his kids.

How do you know that? OPs friend got divorced once already. She and new husband might divorce. My step dad had two adult children, I met them about 10 times. They're fine. Stepdad died quite soon after marrying my mum, are those two adults who were my mum's adult step-children for about 3 years my siblings? On par with my brothers and sister who I lived with for 18 years and have known for 40?⁷

So what? My younger brother and I have nothing to do with our actual brother.

Or equally likely not.

I gained step siblings as an adult. 5 years later my Mum died. I still see her husband on occasion, but I haven't seen my "step brothers" in a good 5 years or so.

Oh I won’t be involving myself any further. Friend asked me my opinion. We go way back to childhood & know each other so well we can be frank with each other. It’s none of my business, not my family or wedding etc. Started this thread out of curiosity as friend & I had such different viewpoints. Just wondered what others opinions would be!

yes they should be invited to ceremony. There’s only 3 not 30🤷‍♀️

I don’t think she will be! She’s lovely & not a drama queen so won’t cause a big argument or anything. She spoke to me as she was a bit surprised when her dd mentioned it. I am neutral to the situation & hopefully gave her a different perspective.

Aw that's good.

It does sound like there may not have been that much overlap between bride and the step-siblings, so hopefully they're all chill with it.

I have full siblings, half siblings and did have step siblings. I’d only invite full siblings.

And yes the best advice is to stay out of it.

can be so very complicated. I had an invite years ago to a half siblings wedding, only myself not my partner or my DC. I didn’t attend as I wanted half siblings mum to have a lovely day it was her special day (she doesn’t like me). But for the same wedding one of my other full siblings wasn’t invited and another full sibling was invited with their partner. So weddings and families are so complex I would just stay clear.

The bride is allowed to ostracise anyone she wants. If she wants to make it clear to her step siblings that she doesn't consider them close family, let her cracks on.

For the sake of 3 places however I wouldn't risk tearing the family apart

Why assume the step siblings consider the bride. Lose family?

if they are not close, then there’s nothing to tear apart.

That is absolutely ice cold. They should be there for the whole thing.

While it’s the bride and grooms choice, I also agree it’s a bit cold to put them in a situation that’s generally a tick box to include someone who isn’t really close to you

It is up the couple if people want to blend families it os the adults who did it not the children like any wedding the couple decides who they want at their wedding

Children dont have a choice who parents pair up with

I mean, its really tacky after 10yrs.

That sure says a lot about what kind of people you and your sister are....wow....

Exactly. If your friend’s marriage broke up tomorrow, would her daughter ever see her stepfather again, never mind his kids. I can’t really see why anyone would try to form a relationship with a parent’s partner’s kids if you met them at the age of 19, beyond what’s necessary for decent manners.

Your friend needs to accept that her partner’s children are just that to her children. They don’t see them as family. They have a family of their own. And her daughter wants people she cares about at her wedding.

Really? Because I don’t think the OP has done anything wrong. Whereas you come across as more poisonous with every post.