Poor soul having to manage his own childcare...

[Diamondcushions]

I know IAB and I'm sure his current situation is difficult and painful, but in the last week I've been in two meetings with a very senjor man who manages a large workforce, and who is going through a separation. They've gone for 50/50 and there are soooo many things he can't possibly do, that he used to do, because childcare.

It's like watching a cartoon lightbulb moment.

Really? But he used to do all these things, and he can’t now, because he looks after his kids 50/50. What’s changed? It’s not that he fired the 24/7 nanny they hired. The most likely, in fact the near certain answer is that he didn’t used to do that?

he might just be talking about hobbies! She’s not excited really is she? but it is amusing having men discover just how facilitated they were, many men who want 50/50 really thought they were equal parents when in fact, they were nothing of the kind. It’s great that they get to learn.

It’s well-documented that many men change and become abusive after having children. Your post is victim blaming.

I was shocked when the midwife asked if my husband was hitting me, during my first pregnancy. She explained to me that abuse often begins in pregnancy or early motherhood.

Who's IAB?

And there it is! The finale on your ill informed rage baiting self satisfied bullshit!

Sleep well love, safe in the knowledge that you "chose well" and if/when your good choice turns out to be not so good, we will be here to support you. And no one will say "I told you so", because we are not like you!

Why are you getting nasty? Surely having your ideas and perceptions challenged is part of developing and forming our understanding of the world.

It's (extremely clumsy) deflection.

It’s an interesting take because I have a DH who is in a very senior position. He does not switch off from work, it comes with the territory. The trade off of course is that I take on a lot of the household and childcare responsibilities, but he brings the paycheck that comes with the seniority. If heaven forbid we were to separate, I can see how he wouldn’t be able to handle 50/50 all at once - it would have to be a lifestyle change for him. And undoubtedly it’ll be a lifestyle change for both the man you’re talking about and his ex wife.

Absolutely as women we should stop becoming the "default parent." Don't be ringing me up first if my child is sick at school when my husband is Priority 1 on the list! There's a reason for that!
Only then we will begin to be seen as equals in the workplace.

I get it OP. If I got divorced and went 50/50, it would open up a lot of time for me. I can't even imagine. For my DH, it would add a lot to his plate and there is some satisfaction on knowing he would see just how much he has been able to do what he does because of my facilitation.

I don't want to only see my kids half the time, but I do know that it would be a very different experience for me and my DH if it happened that way.

This initial light hearted post of mine you have quoted was absolutely not written in the context of domestic abuse. I am not engaging in any discussions about abusive men because this is not what this original thread was about. It was about the many grating comments of women complaining about crap feckless men and taking zero accountability for their own choices. Not about abusive men.

Your hypocrisy is absolutely wild.

Looks like an (alleged) oxbridge education and an (alleged) good husband doesn’t stop someone from being nasty. No one is struggling to comprehend your posts, you have been very clear that you think if a woman finds herself at the hands of an abusive man, it’s her own fault.

But women aren't accountable for crap and feckless men and those men's choices to be crap and feckless. That's the point you can't grasp.

What's the point of being an Oxbridge graduate clairvoyant if you still can't understand such basic stuff?

May I remind you of the post I responded to...the hypocrisy of @ThatCyanCat is genuinely comical

ThatCyanCat · Today 22:42

Face saving attempts work better without blobby word salad. It looks too try hard. You'll know for next time.

May I remind you of the post I responded to...the hypocrisy of @ThatCyanCat is genuinely comical

ThatCyanCat · Today 22:42

Face saving attempts work better without blobby word salad. It looks too try hard. You'll know for next time.

I don't think I'll be taking morality lessons from a person who made such a spiteful post towards women whose husbands treated them like dirt and continues to blame them for it.

Oh, the convenient Oxbridge education is as real as the justification for all the victim blaming, which is as real as the Tooth Fairy.

Totally agree. Not a chance.

Saying that women must have only encountered crap men, and then doubling down on that with suggesting that "its easy" to spot men who turn into utter tools after having a baby, is not in any way "lighthearted".

You say you wont engage in discussion about abuse further highlights your ignorance. A man who neglects his child after it is born IS abusive to that child. A man who neglects his wife to the point where she is sleep deprived and her MH is suffering IS abusive to his wife. A man who demands that his wife, who is trying to deal with the above, goes back to work whilst also doing everything for their child and the home IS ABUSIVE.

Your Oxbridge education didnt teach you much about real life did it?

I’ve known it happen that they do.

But I agree that a lot of the time they have no intention of doing it, but want it on paper to avoid maintenance. So in practice they outsource to their Mum, their new girlfriend, sometimes paid childcare (last resort) or they flake out frequently leaving the children’s Mum actually doing more of the work.

And then, 50:50 in CMS or Court terms just means 50% of nights. They’re very often not doing 50% of the mental load, the planning, the school runs, even the actual physical care. They’re often not paying half of the real expenses.

Obviously some men do step up and do their fair share - I know at least a couple who do, including in a separated but cohabiting couple DD17 babysits for - but it seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

Sorry I can't engage any further with you as I am beginning to question your ability to read. I see you've already managed to get yourself deleted? At no point, did I say women are responsible for their crap men. I'm not sure how you made that leap...

People do seem very hung up on my oxbridge degree and my happy marriage. I wonder why.