Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

That change happened before phones. It multiple factors, mostly revolving around a position of a woman in society, education, career, being independent of men etc., and life becoming more of a fun game for many young people. Also not thinking of children as someone who you need to be looked after in old age.

When I had newborns in my early 30s, I treasured the memories of my 20s. I looked back on all my moments of freedom and enjoyment, and they got me through those lonely exhausted early years of being a parent! My kids have left home now, but I still worry about them. My 20s were free of worrying about children and I really I’m glad I had that time.

25 is quite young, especially if you want a stable housing situation before having kids. Years ago that wasn't really an issue

I was 25 when I had DD, it felt like I was 10 years older than one group of Mum, and 10 years younger than the rest. YANBU

Yes but there are downsides - higher rates of SEN, older parents, fewer siblings. This is eventually going to space generations out to the point people have few relatives their own age which is sad, and only a brief period with grandparents.

You're really not listening or understanding.

It wouldn't matter if we were all forced into arranged marriages at 21, people still wouldn't have kids because they couldn't afford them and have other priorities at that age/ before they do.

Yeah this is what I thought. How depressing to think you are 25 and you’re not young!

Same!

Neither is good but still, phone usage can be cut down on as the 16 year old grows into adulthood.

I'm 38 very soon and I often notice (when scrolling through social media) how many of my old school friends haven't had children. Id say more haven't than have. And there are a lot of us who have just had the one.

Times have changed, its so hard to even get a house these days let alone be able to afford a mortgage plus a life plus kids.

Haha same. My best friend had her little boy at 26 as well, we both agreed we didn’t fit in with the younger mum crowd, to whom we were ancient, nor to the Lucy and Yak mums in their 40s who considered us teen parents!

Didn't say there weren't downsides, but that's the reason.

@Walkyrieit wasn’t intended to be. I’m pointing up what I think to be a really quite silly question from the OP. During the years she was raising her kid, I and my peers were working hard on academics and qualifications. Surely it’s obvious why fewer women her age have kids? They’re building their careers as others have said. And/or they don’t want them as they’ve caught on to how, even if they have a partner, the risk of them ultimately ending up carrying all of the mental load and grunt work associated with the children is high, and they don’t want that.

Who is / was funding your life choice? did you rely on your partner / parents / benefits? how does this work for you now? are you in full time employment?

A lot of people want to, but want a partner too and they aren't necessarily ready, heard of that a lot. My gynae said it's still best to have them younger, but obviously a lot of people do have children much older.
I feel sorry for young people, with the jobs market difficulty of getting a house, and the fact society doesn't make it easy, and a few generations ago, people could have been reasonably confident that a decent person would want to settle down into a committed relationship.
Anyway, I'm glad it's worked for you OP, and if my kids want to take that path when they're older, hope they get what you have!

Mate, you got pregnant in 2018. Most of your generation were glued to their phones. You have zero idea of life without the internet and phones tbh so I don’t think you can claim to be in a position to theorise about it, much less argue that phones are the reason kids aren’t getting knocked up after chatting to a lad on the back seat off the bus at 16

I am 40 and all my friends parents were at least in their late 20s when they had kids, many well into their 30s. Curious if your experience is with stay at home mums or working mums? Virtually all of my friends parents were professional working parents and most with advanced degrees ( ie, some school beyond uni).

I don’t think it can be. It seems to give them lifelong anxiety issues. I wouldn’t be pleased if my child became a parent at 16, but if they were say 22, I wouldn’t have the heart attack most posters would on here provided they had a job and their own home. I would prefer that to a life spent anxiously gaming in a box room with dire social skills.

I was 35 when I had my DD, and all of my immediate friendship group had either teens or young adults going off to uni. It was surreal that they said they felt my dd was like a surrogate grandchild to them

I got married at 22 and had my first baby at 24. Last baby at 34. I was very much younger than other mums with my first baby and there weren’t any smart phones then so it wasn’t that! . With my last (had one in the middle too) I was about the same age as most having first or second.

I think late twenties and early thirties is much more normal for having babies nowadays nothing to do with phones!

No that was just an example. I see people just sat scrolling everywhere I go when before they’d be driven by boredom to socialise. I met my child’s father at school but I think today’s kids just scroll at lunchtime (although I know some schools have taken steps to ban this) and incel culture from the internet has caused a rift between boys and girls.

• It's too expensive
• Women have more choice over what they want to do with their life
• It's not the 'done' thing anymore that women have children and make house
• It's too expensive
• It's too expensive.

I mean, take a look at the world, racism, hatred and misogyny on the rise. Soaring costs of absolutely everything... a quote that struck me recently:

"A society becomes sick when even its mammals no longer wish to reproduce."'

Do you genuinely believe that people have gone "huh, I COULD have a child but because I can spend my time on this screen, I won't bother?"

Even if they're on their phones for 8 hours a day, there's 16 hours in which they could get themselves/their partners knocked up if that's what they wanted.

I think the answer is that people don't want children at 25 anymore, for a variety of reasons (all valid), and nothing to do with the invention of the smart phone.

None of my friends have kids and we’re all late 20s/early 30s. Just simply can’t afford them or can’t find someone to have a family with.

Because at 25 my friends and I were just establishing our careers, paying off student debt and having fun. I wasn't financially secure enough for children and I wasn't married which was important to me for security.

I've been with DH since 23 got married at 28 had my first at 32. We definitely enjoyed our adventures together first. The earliest any of my friends had a child was 30 (we are now 40)

Because the more educational and career opportunities women have, the fewer children they have, and if they do have children they have them later than previous generations.

This is a pattern we are seeing the world over. Basically, they have more interesting and rewarding things to do.