Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Phones are why people aren't conceiving kids?! Interesting theory!

More because women now want/need to have a career, col, education goes beyond GCSEs, loans might be a hindrance once you start earning enough.

I'm sorry OP that people are being snippy with you when you only asked a question. However, that's the nature of AIBU and maybe you'd have been better off posting in Chat.
As well as all the other valid reasons posted here i would add that we have had decades of women choosing to be stay-at-home mothers undervalued, and it not being seen as a valid choice.

Children are the literal reason for living.

Only if that is your only goal in life.

There is far more to life than reproducing.

For you. For me, my life was so much more fun before I had children.

The whole of society has changed - not just people having phones.

It's no longer shameful for men to walk out on their wife and kids and it's no longer necessary for women to put up with terrible behaviour from their husbands - both of those factors require women to be financially independent. It's also not shameful to cohabit and people have sometimes lived with more that one partner before settling down. Women aren't desperate to picked or face being left on the shelf, so tend to have more relationships before settling down.

And only half of people go to university

You've said this before. And I've said this before but it's not just about uni. Out of the group that didn't go to uni there are many people who still want a good career so will go to college or do an apprenticeship or find a job that will give them this. Then they will build that up for a few years.

The choice isn't uni or baby.

Easier access to (more) reliable contraception means more choices.

There was easy access to contraception 25 years ago, just as there was in the late 1970s when I started needing it.

I had my kids in my 30s. In my 20s I was working and enjoying the freedom that a salary and being an adult affords. I wasn’t on my phone as I was busy-working and having fun! I would recommend the same to my kids

Me too children are wonderful in their own way but for example people keep saying you can still travel with kids . Yes of course you can but let’s be honest it’s way less fun. I spent my last holiday following my toddler around in the villa garden making sure he didn’t put things in his mouth. How is that as good as being young , without any responsibilities and being able to go to nice restaurants late at night , hostels , partying , meeting new people etc. Love my baby but holidays suck a bit with small kids !

Because 25 is still incredibly young? School, uni, working for a few years, finding a partner...
My mum was 23 in 1954 when she had my sister, which was normal for the time. I was 37 when I had mine, also a little late but in the normal range.

I miss napping by the pool. I mean, obviously DH and I could take it in turns but I think there's a thing switches on in your brain when you become a mum that means you somehow still hear everything and therefore you don't properly relax.

I wish I'd done more napping by the pool in the sun.

(ETA: Love my daughter, and she makes life so fun. Just different fun. Less relaxed!)

You do seem unnecessarily hostile tbh.
Yes maybe it was just exceptional that most people my mother went to school with had had children by 25 but I also think it’s just as exceptional all the people claiming they’re my mothers age and absolutely no one they knew had kids before 25.

All I’m saying is I’m sure in the past it would have been more than 2.5% who’d had kids by now.

I had my first at 24 because I was left a massive inheritance to buy a house, and I coukd live on my nhs grad wage. So I was secure
most people can’t really afford it.

Lots of People stay in education until 21 or 22 so they’re barely settled in work by 25 and probably nowhere near being fully qualified/experienced in their profession. Many will still be living in hmos as wages are often too low to even pay for their own flat. Lots want to travel, or go to events rather than be tied down with kids.

My DS is 24 - literally none of his friends have kids, only 1 is married, most are either living at home or in hmos. He’s still studying and taking exams for his profession as it’s typically 5 years after leaving uni to take the 13 professional exams he has to take. His best friend only qualified as a teacher last year, same age. His closest uni housemate only started her first full time proper graduate job last year aged 23 now starting her 4 year professional studying and exams.

So it’s housing costs, more time spent in education/studying, wanting to “do things” like travel, etc. Kids just aren’t a priority.

Apart from the obvious study/travel/career financial reasons for the delays in starting families - if the steep rise in fertility issues and miscarriages globally is to be believed - some of our young people may not have the opportunity to have the children they wish for at all. Very sad and concerning all round.

But why are you so sure of that? Why are you absolutely certain that by 25 more than 2.5% of the population would have reproduced?

Even with the average age of 29 from when your mum was having babies, it could have been that most had them from 26/27-31/32 and that average would still work. So you wouldn't have seen anymore have had babies at 25 then than you are now.

In your mother’s generation even if you couldn’t afford a house to buy the rental market was more stable . When I was 25 it was the early 2010s. There were loads of cool, cheap places to rent in the city where I lived. A few years later it became very unstable and expensive . When we were in our late 20s me and my boyfriend ended up living with another couple to cut costs in rent. I certainly wasn’t going to bring a baby into that situation

Laugh all you want but what I said about phones has been looked into by scientists

https://globalnews.ca/news/11902945/birth-rates-decline-fall-phone-study/

obviously it’s just one reason along with the other reasons that have a already been discussed like the cost of rent and access to contraception

Same here, no regrets. Had our DS aged 37. At 25 we were having 3 holidays a year, and that year, it was Egypt, Canada and Austria! I’d just qualified aged 24 and didn’t have a serious boyfriend until I was 23.

Contraception was readily available back in my day in the late 70s/early 80s when I needed it, probably sooner than that but before my time.

This article has strong suggestions of “correlation not causation “ and isn’t from a reputable news source.

I don't have any mention of my kids on social media so are you sure that your peers don't have children? Maybe time to get off of your phone....

My eldest is 19yo and he isn't interested in children just now. He is enjoying travelling. Off to a metal festival soon in a country in Europe and has no desire to rush into having a family with someone. He enjoys freedom. He knows about safe sex which we take seriously and all 4DC will be taught this. We talk openly about this stuff. Having a baby at 16 isn't up there as something to be striving for. Sorry OP. Plenty time for that.

I had a few relationships in my late teens but I was also studying at uni full time and had no time for pregnancy. It just wasn't something I wanted.

This. I’m an ‘old mum’ as our many, many of my friends. In fact, we’re very old! And I can say with 100% certainty that it’s nothing to do with phones at all. Where I live (south / east) there are lots of old mums!!