Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

the OP also said that I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

so apart from being goady...it doesn't seem to be a very smart choice with that kind of reasoning.

How did you finance your life when you had your baby at 16?

You didn't have a youth..I feel very sad for you. At 16 I was just kissing boys let along even fumbling..

I had my first at 30. Now 46.

I couldn't have had kids in my 20s. In fact I was terrified of falling pregnant. I was not financially stable. I was travelling. Working in London. Having various flings. Going to parties, nightclubs, festivals. Living life to the full.

I fell pregnant at 29 (unplanned) and was gutted. She's just done her GCSEs (age 16 - she's a kid) and I have 2 more.

As much as I love my kids, it's been much harder and shitter at times along the way than the joy and utter nonsense of my youth. I tell my kids to avoid kids at all costs until you're ready.

It's not a life for everyone. If I'd had my time again I might.not have had them.

The few people I know who had children in their early to mid 20s said they felt like odd ones out: the other mothers they met tended to be teenagers or in their 30s.

Children weren’t even on my radar at that age. I had very good contraception and knew how to use it. It’s only really when I met my now DH in my late 20s did I consider the possibility of having them. My maternal line quite nicely shows the societal trend. My grandmother had her first at 17, my mum was 24, I was 32.

No, it's much more the impact of finances and somewhat higher education pushing full adulthood later.

Had my first at 34, 2nd at 37. My 20's were spent travelling,lots of theatre trips and impromptu weekends away with friends, building my career, building up my finances to buy a house, and generally having lots of fun. Plus I met my now husband just before my 30th birthday - deciding on the man you will have children with is an incredible important decision, which will have a massive impact on your life and theirs, and not one I personally would have been able to make without life experience

I think the biggest reason people are delaying is money. But also my think I was part of first 'have it all' generation (born in early 80's) Where we knew women could study, travel,work, and have children, and expect an equal partner. My mums generation (50's) still had expectations of mum staying home, Dad working etc

20 years ago it was still young to have a child at 25.
The point you’re making about free time doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know anyone who has a baby to fill their time.

I met DH when I was 21. I had an abortion at 23, we were both in our first grad jobs & weren't earning loads, we weren't in a position to start a family. Phones had nothing to do with it.

I can't imagine they can afford it ! I have four kids. The eldest is 27 and him and his gf are establishing their careers and paying £1500 a month rent !
My ds2 ( aged 25 ) doesn't have a gf. Only one of his friends has a new baby.
My ds3 has just graduated, no job so no chance of children anytime soon.
DD is a student - she is the only one who would like a baby youngish but realistically knows it's unaffordable for many years to come. How did you afford a baby at 16 op ?

I’m 41 and smartphones didn’t really hit off until I was 25, and still hardly any of my friends had kids. We were all too busy with university and careers and living independent lives. So I don’t see the correlation with people spending time on their phones leading to declining birth rates between 16-25. It just wasn’t really something my cohort did.

I had my one and only at 31 and given my time again I think I would have waited til even later!

I don’t think I’ve ever met someone of my generation that had a baby before the age of 30. You are aware that the average age at which a UK woman has her first child is 31?

lots of reasons for this that I can think of:

Young people nowadays are spending more time in education and establishing their careers which postpones babymaking

People are generally forming relationships and getting married later than in previous generations I reckon

People nowadays often prioritise travel, socialising, and experiences when they’re young and don’t want babymaking getting in the way of that

The cost of living and housing

A lot of it is cultural OP.

At my school, nobody even thought about having babies when they were 18. The approved route was university, a year of travelling, then working for 10 years whilst also finding a man and getting married, and then a baby in early 30s.

Interestingly it hasn’t really cracked up like that for many of them.

I messed around workwise, and only found what I wanted to do when I was 25. I then found out I was expecting DD when I was 26, and had DS when I was 29. Juggling the two together has been extremely hard but overall I have no regrets. I’m now 34, my youngest is off to school next year. The nursery bills are ending. I have no university debt as it was all paid for by my employer. I have a 10 year, solid relationship. We have a nice house and my body is now shifting back to what it was pre kids.

My friends by comparison seem to fall into a few camps. Some did follow the conventional route above but now can’t conceive. Many didn’t - they struggled to find graduate work after the crash, and are lumped with a shitload of debt and a mediocre job paying an average salary. Most of the offers from men dried up as they approached mid 30s and a fair few of the ‘university couples’ split around this point too. So many are either single, skint or going through IVF.

I don’t think the ‘approved route’ holds much water any more, the worlds changed. University doesn’t really pay in the way it used to. The gap between the working and middle classes is fairly small. Online dating has decimated what used to be an easier route to marriage.

I saw an interesting post on here a while ago by a woman who did the ‘approved route’ and noted her life now, at 40, isn’t that dissimilar from her friend who had a baby soon after they left school but knuckled down shortly after. They live in similar houses and have similar disposable income, only difference being her friend has older and more independent kids now.

That said 16 is very young and different to 22 or 23.

As has been pointed out above, only the rich or those willing to live on benefits can afford to have kids in their early 20s. Most working middle class women will be focusing on establishing a career and housing security, not to mention wanting to find a reliable partner who is willing to take on family responsibilities (which, let's face it, most men in their twenties are not).

Times change and attitudes change. People (women) are more honest now about the struggles of parenting! My dd is 13 and has already said multiple times she is not having dc! She wants her life to be hers and hers alone! She’s 13…I’m delighted tbh 😆

My DD is 25, she spends her time on her career, traveling and spending time with friends /SO. The only peers in her year group who have children, left school post GCSEs and did not have the same life ambitions. I didn't be home a mum until I was 32, and I was the youngest in my friendship group, so I really don't think phones are the issue.

They’re more likely to be judging you for having a baby at 16 op rather than you judging them 😂

In the past a lot of teenage pregnancies were caused by manipulative adult men. Wising up on that front as a society has reduced the teenage pregnancy rate.
And aside from that, people want to be in the best possible economic position to be able to afford nursery and offer the best they can to their children, so they often wait until they are more established in their careers and have bought a home, etc..

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones

It’s got nothing to do with phones. I’m old* and when I was that age, I didn’t know anyone with kids.

Essentially at 25yo, you have only been out of uni for a few years, trying to get a foothold on the career ladder so you can climb. Add into that not being able to afford to enter the housing market at that age, plus most people travel and do everything they want in that regard before having kids. All of that combined pushes kids to the 30’s. I have kids in their 20’s and if they had kids I would think they had gone mad as none of them are placed first or as yet re career/housing/travel. If they did I’d be really disappointed for them frankly as I don’t think it would be in their best interests at that age.

*To qualify ‘old’ from what you have said, if you are 25yo, and your parents had kids by 25yo, then I am considerably older than that! But again, when I was 25yo back when (so before your parents were 25yo) no one I knew had kids🤷‍♀️.

I didn’t have a smart phone for a long time. It was not what stopped me waiting till 30 to have children!

It is a bit like the OP is considering writing some essay to discuss a hypothesis and she wants some feedback.

You could buy a house on one shit wage in the 90s. My mum got her house for 18k with a minimum wage job as a single mother. Same house now £240k. You need two good wages now. It’s just not practical to have a kid without a pot to piss in.

Before I had kids I wanted to have
A degree
Travelled widely
Established a career
Bought a house
Found the right person and have married them.

I don't think that's an uncommon set of priorities and it would be bloody difficult to do that by 25. I had my first at 32.

Not wanting to be offensive or diminish your achievements, but at 16, you were almost certainly not taking on the full financial responsibility of your child, since you were a child yourself. E.g. you would have had help from either your parents or the state with rent and childcare, and/or living expenses if you were not in work or education.

For most people in their 20s, it is the £1k+ per month in childcare costs, or their insecure employment or housing situation that will be putting them off.

What sort of groups do you mix in? Higher socio-economic groups tend to have children later and vice versa. 25 would still be extremely young to have babies amongst my peer group. We were mostly still on gap years at this age.

Our kids plan to be at least 30 before they think about starting families.

I meant with regards free time to socialise and potentially find a partner.

Yes this. I met DH when I was 32 but we had no financial stability and it wasn't until I was 37 that we had a house (although rented). We didn't manage to have a baby until I was 40! (I had 2 miscarriages)

Also, that's true about dogs..it seems that you see more of them than kids nowadays!