Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

That’s exactly what I was thinking! Certainly not an expression my adult children would use .

I didn’t know anyone spending 8 hours on their phone and I didn’t know anyone who had a child at 25.
I couldn’t have imagined anything worse for my own life than having children that young, I was enjoying being an independent adult, enjoying spending my money and my time indulging in things I wanted to do. Most of my peers were the same.

Many reasons. These days young women want further education and a career, so they put off marriage and children. There's no social pressure to get married and have children, so more may have an abortion if they don't feel ready for parenthood.

And those who do want children often simply can't afford them. In the past, it was possible to get a mortgage for a family home on a single ordinary salary, such as a teacher's. That's no longer possible even on two salaries.Two people working, unable to buy a home are unlikely to feel secure enough financially to add loss of earnings and huge added expense of having a child.

But I admire you OP. You had children young and you will still be young when they are old enough for you to focus on a career. I think, where possible, this is a great way round to do it, especially for women. You can have a career, unbroken by childbirth and caring commitments, from about age 30.

Or earlier

I'm in my 50s and most people I know had their children around 35- 40

Must be very regional because I do remember a couple of them saying they were very young Parents in their classes and it made them feel old, but it was commented on because the young ones were the minority

At 23, I'd only just graduated and wasn't in a stable job yet, let alone one that could support a family. And that's assuming I'd found the right person. Kids are a big expensive commitment and for many people, they want a lot of specific things in order before they have them. Things that are getting harder to have at a young age (bought house, good income, emergency savings etc)

Because most people think it's important to be in (1) a long term stable relationship or marriage, (2) a job after finishing education, so there's something to come back to, (3) enough money to support a family, (4) a decent enough give to resist a family in.

Very few people will be in a position to responsibly choose to have a child by 25, myself included. Obviously unplanned pregnancies occur and some people will be in a position to have kids sooner, but these are the exceptions rather than the norm.

Because it’s irresponsible to have a child until you’re financially stable and financially independent from the government. The majority of people under the age of 25 will not be as they’ve been busy blowing their wages and enjoying themselves, partying etc (and rightly so!) rather than saving for a house.

Because younger women (and likely younger men!) want to live a life without children first - study, travel, party, go and be a ski instructor for 2 years, move jobs, forge a career, buy their own house, re-train to do something different while they can - the list is endless!

Nothing to do with phones - age of women having first baby has been increasing for decades because we can now experience a life free from marriage and babies in a way that only the privileged few could do 50-70 years ago - marriage was often the only way for young women to leave home back in the day.

‘Procreation’ 😂 well you obviously didn’t have better things to do at 35, what changed?

Finances!

To have a child you ideally need to be able to afford another bedroom and generally a larger home, space in a kitchen to cook family meals, room for toys and bulky prams etc. You then need to be able to afford maternity leave, then nursery costs, or have a partner who can afford to cover all the bills without you working.

Most people at 25 are just a few years into a career and haven't had time for their salary to rise to afford this. They might not have bought a property yet or might only be to afford to rent a room in a shared house.

DH and I waited until we'd bought a house and had saved money for maternity leave, and were earning enough for nursery etc, so we were 30.

lol this isn’t how young people live nowadays! The OP isn’t the only one who could be accused of posting from a timewarp!

That’s quite an assumption. Perhaps OP doesn’t share your opinion that it was a poor choice!

At 25 I was in the middle of my PhD. I finished at 29. Began by career, had my kids at 30 and 35. I'm now a senior professor and I have kids who are almost 15 and almost 10.
People don't have kids at 25 because many people/women want to make some headway in their career. They may want to buy a house.

OP how old are your parents? I am nearly 60 and my firstborn is 25. In my baby group cohort I was the young mum...

In my daughter’s circles they mostly haven’t started having babies until they were into their 30’s . Too busy having independent lives building careers, travelling, generally enjoying life before children.

Having children early 30s is considered early for most!

At 25, most haven't even started to have a life yet! Barely out of Uni, a bit of travelling, haven't even started or just started a proper career. WHY would anyone want children so young? Why not enjoying being young and carefree for a few years?

And why settling so young with a man. I mean he might be the one, but then again he might not, what's the rush?

I would be crushed if my kids had their own children so young.

I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.
realistically most of them are too busy having a life to spend their day literally on a phone, they are not bored teenagers anymore. Even the teens I know don't spend that much time, they have a life.

I think the answer is really obvious- cost of living. I’d had both of mine by 29 but that was 10 years ago now and times have changed even more in the last decade. Most people I know have babies in their 30s now.

you’ve done well to afford a house but not everyone can by 25 and not everyone has met the person they want to have children with by 25 either.

I think it depends where you live near me everyone had kids in teens and 20s.

They could have done all that 20-30 years ago though? It’s been about 15 years of the smartphone and people now have a portable filler for free time they can take everywhere with them. One Example on the bus/train instead of talking to people and maybe meeting a potential partner, now people just sit looking at their phones.

I'm in my 50s, I had my first child at 31 and was one of the earlier ones among my friends.

I personally didn’t meet the right person until my late thirties and that was not from want of trying! Then it took us a while to get pregnant. I think there is not the societal expectation to get married and have kids anymore, that has been replaced with go to university/higher education and then get a good job. Also I think dogs have become baby substitutes 🙃

Personally, I was busy at 16. It was not until I was 28 that I had enough money to buy a house to house the number of children I wanted, I had established my career enough to support the mortgage on that house and had a clear career path plotted out so that when I returned to work, I could continue to climb the ladder. I did not meet the man that I would marry and then have children with until I was 25, and weddings take a while to organise, plus there was the pandemic to work around. I also wanted to travel to a few places and experience them child-free (we do have plans to return to those places with our children). I think further education is more available to women now, you can establish a career a little easier than in previous generations and financial and environmental factors have put more pressure on young women to postpone having children until they feel secure, which can often (obviously certainly not always) a bit later in life.

Because I waiting till I was financially stable in a house with a bedroom for them and married to someone who would be a great father I was 34. If I had had a baby at 16 I was living at home, probably wouldn't have gone to uni and the boyfriend I was with at the time would not have been ideal!

I am double your age and none of my friends, neighbours or work colleagues has children in the early 20s. Male or female.
My mum is triple your age and very few in her family of her generation had children before 25y. Male or female.
One thing we all have in common across both generations is that we all went to university, so that tends to delay marriage (as was expected to happen first in her day) and children.

People realise they have options these days. Having children isn’t something you have to do.