Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Objectively, a child having a child is a poor choice. There's a reason 16 year olds don't have the vote, don't generally live independently, and are still in education or training. Their children have poorer outcomes than children of adult parents -- they're likely to be poorer, have poorer MH, achieve less educationally etc, though part of this is obviously due to the social conditions in which the OP probably grew up herself.

It's just a general shift in society overall.
Women place much more emphasis on having a career now. This tends to take priority in their 20's.
Many young people also find the idea of a teenage pregnancy horrifying, including lots of teen boys/ men ( or they do in my ds's circles anyway). Safe sex is a topic as normal as what you're ordering for lunch at ds's sixth form.
Times have changed.

I am 45. It is largely because far more women in our generation can access tertiary education than our mothers’ and then springboard from that to build a career.

I had just qualified as a lawyer when I was your age, @Quietterry. Do you have a degree and/or a professional qualification?

I'd be very worried about my children picking up men/women on the bus!.
You're not allowed to leave school now until 18 years. How can you do that and have a baby?.
Did you meet your partner at school?

It’s what @Swissmeringue has written. None of my friends who went to University had children under 30.

Snipey comment. Does everyone need one? Are you pleased that you can get your hair done, and be served in a shop, and get your bins taken away?

You created a MN account to post this?

I met DH at 13, went to uni and got my degrees, bought a house at 21 and haven’t had a baby yet at 31.

So for me, it wasn’t about money or finding a partner, and it definitely wasn’t anything to do with my phone. I wanted to work really hard to achieve my career goals where I was able to be independent. I am now in a position where I can take a step back to have a baby with the knowledge that I can go back to work with some flexibility. I can support children wholly now I am older, have money, flexibility and stability.

But they did do all the things 20 to 30 years ago

There weren't that many women having babies young 20 to 30 years ago

And that was nothing to do with phones. They were mostly building a career and just enjoying life.

I'm not saying either choice is right or wrong, but I feel as if you are saying there's something wrong with the choice not to have children young. Like you're looking for an explanation - and somehow you come up with phones!

But this isn’t true on a national level. I’m 52, so probably similar to your mum’s age, if not older. When I had my first baby at 34, the average age for women in England and Wales to have their first baby was 28 iirc.

In London and the SE, the age was higher because of costs.

You are absolutely a spring chicken! The springiest of chickens!!

I think at 25 a lot of people are not emotionally or financially ready for kids. Some are for sure! But many are not.
I definitely wasn't ready at 25.

@Quietterry
how did you do this OP?

Hmm I don’t think phones are stopping people having sex.. in fact dating apps are very much enabling it!

I guess the economy and not being able to get on the housing ladder might be a factor.

For me it was spending my 20s being young and only having myself to think of. I did university degrees, travelled the world, had fun with friends, built up a career. Worked for me, but everyone is different

I don't think phones have anything to do with it. Particularly for people in their late 30s/early 40s now. Phones weren't a big thing for us in our teens and twenties in the same way they are now.

Based on my experienc, I think a lot of it stems from changing expectations for women. When I was at school we were encouraged to dream big in terms of education and careers, so kids just weren't on our radars. All my friends went to uni and then spent much of their 20s in graduate level roles in London, paying high rents etc. It wasn't really until our mid 30s onwards people really felt financially secure enough for kids alongside a career.

I also thing women have (rightfully) become fussier about their choice of partner which can make it harder to find the right person.

I'm nearly 60, so as old as, or probably older than, your mother, and there was no-one in my circle who had children when we were 25.

People are also using their phones for dating now though aren’t they. I pre-date smart phones and don’t think I have ever dated someone I met on public transport!

I’m pregnant now and will be 36 at the birth. I had the most amazing time in my 20’s. Settled with my partner in early 30s. Had some fertility issues and still wouldn’t swap that for being a young mom

Phones??
I waited until 38 to have my child - more money, job security, our own property...
I also had zero interest in kids until I turned about 35

Most people can't afford to house a family until later in life. I think that's the long and short of it.

You're the outlier here, in that the average first time mum in the UK is 31. So statistically yeah, you're still way younger than the average mum so of course most of your friends don't have kids. None of my close friends started having them til 25+.

But why are people having them later than they used to/not at all?

• Can't live off one salary any more like my parents did in the late 80s/90s (we were skint, but my mum could stay at home with us til we went to school) so people prioritise earning and saving for longer
• More people go to uni now, so you're not done til 21 and then you want to have made that worth it by spending a few years building career up - who wants to be 2 years into a post-grad career and then have to take a year out?
• Everything, esp housing, is wildly expensive so people can't afford to have children younger. And I think there's a lot more focus now on being ready and prepared for a child rather than my mum's recollections of 'well you just have them and figure it out'
• More and more people are seeing having children as optional rather than the expected life path. So if before, 85% of your age group would have had kids, maybe 70% now will - there's a handful of people who haven't had kids 'yet' because they won't at all.
• Very common/socially expected now to travel in your 20s, including multiple times a year - so I think a lot more people are going to see a lot of the world and get that 'done' before they have children (and potentially can't afford to!)
• People aren't tending to get married or into long-term relationships til older either

Its much more 'normal' to be child free at 25 that it is to have them at 16. My dd is 26 and is busy with her job, holidays, and hobbies. Kids are not on her radar yet, and aren't likely to be for a long tome, if ever.

Lots of pros given for having children in their thirties, but no cons such as decrease in fertility, more likelihood of pregnancy complications or risks of abnormalities? The risks are fewer these days due to better monitoring etc but still a consideration.

It absolutely is - a lot of the under 25s I know anyway. I am only 31 and this was certainly the case for me and my friends. Wages would be spent on weekends out, weekends away, clothes, holidays, cars.

The cost of living and housing is not ideal but decades ago they had loads of kids in a tiny house sharing one room. And no I’m not saying it’s a good idea to hark back to that.

But the lack of socialising because of phones is probably having a bigger effect on society than we think.

You picked up a lad on the bus when you were 16 and think this is because you weren’t using your phone a lot?

What an unusual take 😅