Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Your mum is one person . I’m born in the 80s to parents in their mid-late 30s and all their friends waited until their 30s to have kids and they have a wide circle of friends . And my parents met in their 20s . They just didn’t want kids until later . They travelled and built their careers and didn’t have smartphones. And they are much older than your mum I reckon.

I'm glad this trend for women having babies at a very young age is not as popular. People should enjoy their young carefree days.

Absolutely.

Many have realised that they don’t want that life with kids as well. Having a child at 16 when you know very little about life takes that potential choice away before you have had time to consider it as an option.

My eldest is 20 & I was the first one out of many of my friends to have a baby at 25- it’s nothing new but has got more pronounced. Not all of it is choice as to when people have kids - it’s somehow just how life works out.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a baby in your 20s or 40s and neither side should judge the other as better or worse. We all make our own decisions and life takes us on different journeys. There are pros and cons to both but intimately what matters is being good parents.

16 is far too young to have a child in my opinion. You’re still a child yourself and have had barely any life experience. It forces you to grow up too quickly.

I'm 54 and a bunch of girls in my year at school got pregnant aged 14-16, a couple of my friends had their first in their early to mid 20s but most were like me and had a first baby in their early 30s.

However, a significant number of my friends the same age or older didn't have children at all, mostly by choice.

I think we, consciously or not, tend to do things around the same time as our peers and it feels "right" when we do, even if the timing is quite arbitrary.

As I must be ages with op's mum my feeling of "right" time to have children has as much validity as her mum's even though they're so different.

Or not being parents at all if that is the path you choose.

It feels like OP expects everyone to want what she has and is slightly disgruntled that they have other options available to them

It wasn't that unusual where I lived. Many girls were also married by the time they were 18. One of my friends was sent over to Pakistan to get married at the age of 15

Might be unusual in a white middle class area, well actually it would be ( I live in area like that now) Many people of my age here didn't have kids at all ( my friends) or more like 30plus if they did

Yes. What a silly thing to say. She is still the springiest of chickens.

Your parents experience is their experience, but that isn't universal for people of that age and older. I wonder is it that they were young parents, so they automatically met other parents in playgrounds, playschools etc.

I am older than them by several years and it wouldn't be my experience. At 25, I was establishing my career, enjoying travelling and socialising with my boyfriend (now hubby). That would have been that mostof my peers expected to be doing and only
one of my school and college friends who had a child (she was 24 having her eldest).

My Mam who is now 82 was also 30 having her first child and my MIL was 27 having her first, so maybe that set the expectations for myself and my husband.

Typically the more educated a woman, the older she’ll have children. When you spend 3-4 years after school getting a degree, you are typically spending your 20s building up your career, travelling, socialising etc. I don’t know anyone who had a child younger than 30.

But if you’re a minimum wage worker, having a baby isn’t a big deal, you will get looked after by the welfare state. It’s a different mindset from someone who has prioritised education and career.

On an unrelated note, how did your mother feel about being a granny in her 30s?

I married when I was 23 but didn't have DD until I was 32. We were both too busy building our careers, gaining professional qualifications, buying a home and becoming financially stable. I can only think of 2 family members or friends from our generation who had children in their 20s. They are also the only ones who are no longer with their children's fathers & divorced.

In DD's year group one couple had a baby shortly after their GCSEs. They claimed it was a complete surprise. One other girl had her first in her late teens and now has 3 or 4 children. They would all be 24 now. I think the thought of a life on benefits as a young parent would kill the idea for most, especially post covid.

Op if you genuinely see 25 as ‘no spring chicken’ then that explains why you seem to think it’s odd not having children by then. In the 9 years since you have had your child, other young women will have been building lives and having fun. It’s no surprise they don’t want to settle so soon

You would think so, wouldn’t you, But sadly some girls seem determined to do exactly that. Fortunately I think it is reducing

I was born in the 1980s to a 21 and 24 year old who were married and owned their house. My sister came along 12 months later. All of their friends were married and had children a similar age to me and my sister. Some bang on, some a year or two either side. It just seemed to be the done thing amongst them. They are working class.

But you don't have to have a life on benefits. My best friend has hers at 17 and nearly 19. Then did an access course when the youngest was 6 months,. The following year did did her degree at uni and became a social worker.

Can’t edit my post- it should say “ultimately” not “intimately” 🙄

Sorry op your phone theory is bollocks.

People also read books or listen to music on trains and buses. They don’t not to strangers because of phones.

If you really want to ignore everyone else’s points about cost of living etc, also consider the recent increase in remote working. I actually used to make most of my friends at work and that is where i met my husband (i was 27), so remote working is now reducing that opportunity to meet new people.

Wrt the comments about travelling around the world, studying for years and getting drunk/high.

I did say I’m not judging anyone I’m just observing a trend and I meant it.

Getting drunk regularly isn’t for me (no judgement) and surely gets boring after a couple of years tops? And again I’m not judging because I think travelling around the world is too expensive for a lot of people my age so they aren’t actually doing that as much as is made out on here.

People can do what they want im just surprised that at 25 so few of my peers have had kids, I get it’s considered young these days but I thought at least like 20-25% would have had children by now. Not 2.5%.

And only half of people go to university

That is another good point

Years have gone by and seem a lot because you had your child when still legally a child yourself.

Absolute nonsense. Not true for your parents' generation, or their parents' generation. There was a very brief period in the 1950s when the average age of marriage dropped to early 20s, but for virtually all of the last 2 centuries the average age of first marriage has been mid 20s or higher (and until very recently children were expected to come after marriage rather than before). Even when the school leaving age was 12 or 13 - long before phones of any description existed - people of all classes still tended to wait until they'd finished education and training, were established in work and able to finance a household before they settled down to marriage and children.

I'm more than twice your age, and only 2 of my friends had children by 25; most not until their 30s.

Around the time you were born there was a specific government programme set up to support young mothers. 'Young' was defined as under 20. Teenage pregnancies have been discouraged for decades.

Because 25 is still really young and most people that age are now still establishing careers or aren’t home owners. Many haven’t even met partners by that age.

If your mum is around 50, then I think it would be an area specific thing that most people your mum knew had DC by 25. I’m ten years older than your mum and I didn’t have my DC til mid 30s. Sure I had some friends who had DC by 25, but others were late 20s, early 30s and I also have friends who don’t have children.

You are focusing on who in your cohort has children, but you need to look at this in context with how many are in settled relationships, their working and living situations. Perhaps a bigger thing now is young people being less able to afford their own place. The phones thing, well I guess that is relevant if the people you know only socialise online and not in person.

Just thinking here of my son and his friends who are your age, none have DC but it’s a very mixed situation re relationships, jobs and living situations.

Better things to do, is my guess.