Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

I went to a school with 100 in my year, about the same age as you OP and not a single person (including myself) has had a child. In fact, no one in the year above me or below actually has a child as far as I'm aware.

I did however go to a slightly religious school so not sure if that makes a difference... 😆

TBH I wouldn't have one until at least 30, but even then I'm not even bothered about having kids. I'm not 100% on wanting one so unless that changes, I'll be child free!

I think the amount of child free by choice adults our age has massively increased as people would much rather have careers + a house. I know those are my priority!

I think it's rather narrow-minded to blame it all on phones. That's definitely one element but I think it's much more that dating has shifted towards OLD which is much harder than RL. Third spaces have decreased, that's related to phones but also separate. Also the COL, plus women are much more likely to want to postpone due to career reasons than the 1980s. Were your parents born in the 1980s, if I may ask?

I'm a bit surprised that you no longer consider yourself a "spring chicken" at 25. Female life expectancy in the UK is in excess of 80 years old I think, so I'm intrigued to know at what age you think you stop being a "spring chicken".

My 80 year old Mum had her children by choice at the age of 28 and 34, after marrying my Dad when they were both 22.

I haven't got any children (by choice), my sister (same Mum and Dad) had her first child at 30 and second at 38.

I personally know a woman who had her first child at 15 and another who had her first child at 41.

Everyone is different and walks their own path and I'm not convinced by your suggestion that mobile phone usage has any bearing on the age women are currently choosing to have children.

I'm 65, so part of the 'past' to which you refer. From 16 I did A Levels, went to Oxford, worked in the City for 20 years, travelled to Uzbekistan, Syria, Iran, Pakistan, Turkey, bought a flat in London SW5 at 26, married at 29 and bought a house in N1 at 32, bought a house in N5 at 40 now worth £2m+.
I had children late at 38 and nearly 42. I have £600k in savings.
Deferred gratification is my middle name.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/populationandmigration/populationestimates/articles/milestonesjourneyingthroughmodernlife/2024-04-08

I'm not sure re Gen X. Apparently average age for first kid was 26-29 for their cohort, which is older than 25 but not that much.

I'm 47 and had DD at 34. None of my friends had kids in their 20s. I think most things we do come down to fashion and convention, although we'd like to think we're more sophisticated than that, we really aren't.

Average age for British Millennial women to have kids was 32, but obviously many did have them younger.

Social circle affects things. Your mother probably gravitated to people in a similar life stage so knew many. Can I ask if she was a SAHM? If yes, maybe this was partly why? As if she had been working, she might have met more people who postponed for work reasons.

Generally women are aware that they have more options and many are in the early stages of careers and not settled down. I’m 60 this year and I had my first at just shy of 30 and was the first in my friendship group by some margin. Most of my friends had them in their 30s. As other PPs have said thus is now further exacerbated by astronomical childcare fees and house prices.

That suggests 26.6 as the average age for women having a first baby in 2001, when OP was born. Men are always a couple of years older on average.

Oh and a pension of £50k a year.

I hadn’t met a man I wanted to have children with when I was 25.

There are certain subjects that seem touchy. This one always is. Over 800 posts in 8 hours. Everyone trying to justify their circumstances. Years ago people just got on with it.

Your mother must be similar age to me or maybe even younger, I’m 53. Most people in my peer group were not having kids at 25. I was 32 when I had my first and people tended to be late 20s early 30s having kids. So I’d think your mum was also a young mum. Having kids by 25 was more common when my own mum was your age, that’s how old she was when she had me

Having a child at any age will be judged by the fecundity police. Have them when it suits You and sod everyone else !

I'm 54. I was one of the eldest out of my group of friends for a first baby and I was 20

But OP seems horrified that people aren’t having them by 25.

There were of course some who would have starting having kids very early, but most of the people I know didn’t have them until their 30s if at all.

I guess it depends on the demographic.

Nothing to do with phones when I was 25 I wanted to be out travelling the world and partying so I didn’t want a child at that age . I was born in the 80s and my parents had me in their mid to late 30s and all their friends had kids around that age too and even later and my parents are much older than yours I’m sure . So not everyone years ago wanted them at 25 either though I’m sure it was a lot more common.

No they didn't.

People never just got on with it, unless you mean they had contraception accidents and no access to/ stigma and fear of abortion and chose to rush a wedding?

My mother (now in her 80s) had infinite paperbacks about how to "have it all" (which meant career plus marriage plus kids) and pontificated to relatives or friends on the landline or over the garden fence about what to do/ what so and so was doing and who was doing it "right" rather than to strangers on the internet.

I don't think we should be normalising 16 year olds having children. I'm not judging OP, but you are very much a spring chicken, and the reason so many people your age don't have kids is because they want to experience life without the weight of responsibility, travel, find a job and person they love.

Children are wonderful, but I'm glad I got to please just myself for awhile, before they arrived.

That’s unusual though. How come so many people had children so young?

To me, 25 is a spring chicken!

But yes, times have changed. When I had dd1 at 28 (late 70s) I was down in my notes as an ‘elderly primigravida’ and was certainly the oldest by a few years on the ward - in the days when you stayed for a week. One was 19, and I think the next after me was 23.

Dd1 had hers at 38, 39, and nearly 43, and she has many friends similar.

Personally, even though I met DH very young, we wanted to be financially secure first. And live a little! So travelled and bought a house first. No regrets!
I may be wrong but I've always thought those who choose to have kids young seem to struggle a bit, it's not like years ago when you could live on one wage? And people in their teens/early twenties usually aren't making a lot of money yet, not enough to sustain a family comfortably?

Exactly. People make out that you can't do anything with kids. I've taken my kids to almost 60 countries, some in Central Asia, SE Asia and Europe, more than once. Next month, we are going to Mongolia, travelling through China, and then on to Hong Kong and Macau, before heading to KL, Lombok and Bali (kids have been to all three of those places three times already), for 10 days to chill out before we head home. We spend 5.5 weeks of the 6 week holidays travelling, then try to get away in February, April, and/or October.

I'm 42, kids are 18 and 15, mortgage paid off. Four weeks post-hysterectomy for fibroids and adenomyosis that left me infertile. Not used protection for years a third would have been nice, but it never happened. If I'd have waited, I may have left it too late.

I had my first at 41 and wouldn’t change a thing, when I was 25 I was working full time in a well paid job with lots of perks, I travelled and partied a lot spent my money on whatever I wanted and had a great time. I bought my first house age 30 and then went back to college and changed career. Now I have an even better job but my priority is my daughter, it’s a different life but I love it and I have enjoyed my younger years and carved out some amazing friendships. We all seem to have kids together now, so a lot of socialising around that and our own mum time, I have zero fear of missing out. Still get to do a bit of travel party but not on the scale it used to be and that’s fine with me 👍🏻

I’m 37 and had my first at 35 and currently expecting my second. Both planned and as a result of stopping long term contraceptives. I don’t want to have children younger as (I believe in contrast to my parents generation) I didn’t see it as a necessity, or particularly the next step after marriage. I’ve been married 12 years and with my husband 20. I always saw it that I didn’t need to have children, but if I reached a point where I felt my life was so positive and settled, and it needn’t involve too many compromises, it would be wonderful to pass on a part of ourselves to another generation.
it was very important to me to have a good career, know my husband for a long time, own a nice home and have a job where I was treated like an adult before becoming a parent. I know that climate change is a factor for some too- if it’s really important to you, staying childless is one of the biggest ways you can reduce your impact.

Anecdotally, most of my friends have had children in their mid to late 30s, and generally those with one/both sets of grandparents not divorced seem to have started their families marginally younger. Maybe due to this making grandparent childcare more available.